


A Day in the Life of Jared and Jensen

by juliechristineb



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:49:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 60,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22946578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juliechristineb/pseuds/juliechristineb
Summary: Andy was excited to finally meet Jared & Jensen - the boys who had shaped her life for the last decade - but little did she know that day would turn into a battle of life and death with forces from the supernatural. When she learns everything from the show is real, she has to make choices that will affect her life, as well as everyone around her. *New chapters every Friday!
Relationships: Genevieve Cortese/Jared Padalecki, Jensen Ackles/Danneel Harris/Dean Winchester, Jensen Ackles/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 9





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> *Author's Note: I wrote this when I was still in high school (I'm now 25), so it may not be up to par but I thought I'd share. I'll hopefully be posting a new chapter every Friday, so be sure to follow and leave reviews!

Eighty-six thousand and four hundred seconds.

That's all it took to turn everything I knew about this world and flip it upside down. Just one day. It even started off as a normal day. I woke up at seven, took a shower, got dressed and did my hair. I was finished by eight and ate some breakfast. At eight thirty, I pulled on my coat and shoes. I took out my phone and texted Erin that I was on my way. She quickly replied with a simple, "Okay."

Jogging down the steps, I took out my car keys from my purse. On the way to Erin's, I turned on the radio and tuned it to my favorite station.

"I never hear anything good in the news these days," said the one broadcaster after a song finished. The female host agreed and the male continued, "But here's one thing, I learned just yesterday - and frankly I feel bad for not telling you all earlier - the two stars from the hit series Supernatural are in Chicago. You heard me right: Jared Padalecki and his co-star Jensen Ackles are in Chicago today and –,"

I shut off the radio quickly. I was so excited, I could barely stand it. I felt like my heart was going to jump out from my chest and my stomach was going to implode.

I turned into Erin's driveway and could hear her dog barking from the patio. I put my car in park and texted her that I was here. I soon realized that was useless because before the message finished sending, she ran out of her house, a small purse over her shoulder and a huge smile on her face.

When she got into my car, she squealed with excitement. "I can't believe it!"

"You got the tickets?" I asked.

She looked at me like I was mentally brain damaged – which wasn't too far from the truth. "Really, Andy? You think I'd forget the tickets?" She opened her purse, rifled around for a second, and then took out two crumpled pieces of paper with some small type on it and a dark barcode.

"See?" she said, "Got 'em right here."

I nodded and put my car in reverse.

* * *

Erin was horrible at giving directions. Always has, and always will be. When we got onto the highway, that's about all she knew. It was a good thing I practically had a map built into my head. Eventually, we made it to the exit and we curved off to the right, slowing down for the red light.

"I can't believe we're actually doing this, after all these years!" I repeated from earlier. I grinned at her clutching the tickets tightly in her hands.

"Just stay focused long enough to not crash the car again, okay?" said.

I rolled my eyes, even though that was still a soft spot for me. I eased on the gas as the light turned green. "Oh please. That was two years ago," I said, trying to play it cool.

After a couple more turns and fifteen minutes later, we turned into the hotel's parking lot. The place was pretty much full from the other days' excitement of the other cast members. I finally did find a parking spot and we got out. When I walked around the back of the car and saw Erin doing the same, we had a little fan-girl moment of holding hands, jumping up and down, and squealing with excitement. This was crazy. I still couldn't contain myself. Just the thought of being the same room, let alone breathing the same air as Jensen and Jared was insane.

When we contained ourselves again, we walked into the hotel. It was only 9:15 in the morning, so we were still early. Erin and I walked into the main ballroom where the convention was being held, and in the front room, they were taking tickets. I strode up and switched ours in for the red, plastic wristbands.

Since we wanted to get good seats, we decided to walk in early. When Erin and I walked into the convention room, I gawked. This place was huge. It had to have been over half an acre big. There was a stage set up on front. Some security guards were already standing around. On each side were big screens. Chairs were placed perfectly around the room.

We found our seats and sat down. I took off my jacket and set my bag on the ground. I turned to Erin when she told me she had to go to the bathroom. I nodded and said I was going to buy a bottle of water at the concession stand out in the lobby.

When we parted ways, I headed to the concession stand. I grabbed a cold water and looked at what else they had. T-shirts, posters, hats, small books and journals, mugs, and some assortments of candy. I went up to the cashier and paid. Just when I was going to head back into the main room, that's when I saw it.

I saw him. And I swore he saw me.

I gasped and nearly dropped my water.

But then just as quickly as I saw him, he was gone. He walked into another room.

I couldn't move for a couple seconds. My heart was beating too fast. I felt a little lightheaded.

I just saw Jensen Ackles…

* * *

I was bouncing in my seat impatiently. How long did it take Erin to go to the bathroom, seriously? I kept glancing around the room, foolishly thinking he would come out or something. Finally, when I glanced behind me for the umpteenth time, I saw Erin walking in. I ran up to her, smiling like a maniac.

"Guess what, guess what, guess what!" I shouted, grabbing hold of her leather jacket. I felt as if I would fly away.

But Erin didn't catch on to my excitement. She just looked at me like I was on drugs.

"Geez, calm down. What? What happened?" She walked around me toward our seats. I followed behind her, bouncing on my feet.

"I just saw Jensen!" I yelled.

She spun around, her eyes wide. "Wait, what?"

I nodded feverishly. "I saw him. I saw Jensen!"

"Where? How? When?"

We sat down in our seats. Some more people started coming in. I told her what happened and her excitement started paling.

"Andy that could have been anyone. I doubt Jensen would just be running loose around the building," she said.

"No!" I fought back. "I swear I saw him! I think I would know whether I saw Jensen, of all people, or not. And besides…" I trailed off, thinking.

"And besides what?" she prompted.

I shook my head, trying to make sense of what I saw. "I…I swear I saw him looking at me. Like, really looking at me. Like he knew who I was."

Erin shifted in her seat, looking uneasily at me. "Andy, are you sure you saw him? This isn't just another hallucination?" She looked concerned.

I glared at her and turned back straight in my seat. "Yes," I said stubbornly, "I'm sure it was him, and not an illusion. I stopped having those a year ago."

We were both quiet for a while. I knew what she was thinking. She was worried about me again. What would it take for people to get over the fact that I'm perfectly fine and dandy and alive? They shouldn't worry anymore. Yeah, the accident was bad and my brain was screwed to hell for a while, but I got meds and now I'm fine.

Finally, Erin turned to me and said cautiously, "Andy, I'm sorry for saying that earlier, but you know why, right?" She waited for a response and I just nodded. She continued, "You might be fine now, but remember what the doctor said? You could rebound at any moment. I'm just worried."

I sighed and fiddled with my fingers. I nodded again and turned my head to her. She had on her extremely caring face, and I just couldn't resist. I smiled and told her everything was fine with us, and me.

We talked and took pictures for the rest of the hour and a half. Then, the lights dimmed and started to flicker. I looked over at Erin, grinning.

It was starting.

A voice came out over the room, saying, "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the 2011 Chicago Supernatural convention! It would be my pleasure to introduce to all of you, Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles!"

Man, these guys can really talk, I started thinking to myself.

Just for one question, it took them about ten minutes to answer. And half the time they would go off to another subject for a while and then come back and answer the original question within thirty seconds.

Don't get me wrong – I loved being there. My mind couldn't wrap around the fact that they were actually here! They were very humorous but sincere at the same time. But for every time I saw Jensen, I couldn't help but freeze up for a second. He was god-like in my eyes. He was tall, he was beyond handsome, and don't even get me started on his body. Not to mention how he was wearing the same exact clothes I saw on him before! That couldn't be a coincidence, could it? Was my mind playing more tricks on me?

But just as soon as I thought this thing was longer than the last ice age, Jared stood up and started saying his goodbyes. I then started thinking that it wasn't very long at all. In fact, I felt like this whole thing was really short.

"Before you guys go," Jensen said, his voice like velvet and silk and stepping forward, "Jared and I have a little surprise. Jared?"

One man wearing all black stepped onto the stage and was holding a top hat upside-down.

Jared spoke up, "Jensen and I are going to draw one seat number each, and the people sitting in those two seats get to spend the weekend with us."

Erin and I turned to each other instantly excited. I knew the chances were small. I mean, what were the odds that, out of the hundreds of people in the room, that we would ever get picked?

Jared was the first to go. He stuck his hand into the black hat. It was some girl on the other side of the room. She screamed – though to me it sounded fake, but I pushed that thought away immediately – and ran to the front of the room to get her ticket looked at to make sure she won. My heart dropped. What was I hoping for? No way would I get picked. Impossible. I started to gather up my stuff to be ready to leave. Traffic would be a bitch.

Jensen stuck his hand into the hat and pulled out a paper. He looked at it and read, "28E? Anyone in 28E?"

I gasped and snapped my head up. Everyone started mumbling when no one spoke up, wondering who it was. No. Way. This could not be happening.

"28E?" Jensen said again, cupping his hand over his eyes to see the audience better.

Slowly, I stood up. Erin kept looking at me, utterly shocked. She couldn't believe it herself.

I was chosen.


	2. Chapter Two

After getting my ticket and some sort of identification and signing some contract I didn't read through (I was still too shocked), the other girl, named Lina, and I were lead through these doors to the side of the stage. It was a maze of hallways that we went through.

I took out my cell phone from my back pocket and I texted to Erin, "AAAHHHH! I'll send you a billion photos, okay?"

To be honest, I felt a little bad. I mean, Erin was the one who bought the tickets after all. I couldn't invite her along. I tried, but only two people were allowed, and that was Lina and me.

Lina was really pretty. She had long, straight, shiny black hair – the kind of hair used in shampoo commercials. She also had the brightest blue eyes I'd ever seen. She was very skinny, but her legs were thick and muscular. As we got to talking when we were walking through the hallways, I found out she was a ballerina.

Finally, the two security men flanking us led us to a small room – probably a storage-room-turned-living-room. They asked us if we needed anything before they left. We both shook our heads no and they left, closing the door behind them.

Lina and I sat awkwardly in the room together, not saying anything and waiting. Or at least that's what it looked like on the outside. In my mind, I was bouncing up and down, screaming my lungs out. My palms were sweating and I bounced my knees up and down, just to pass the time.

The room we were put into was pretty plain: two couches, a sink, and a mini-fridge. There were no paintings or pictures on the bare white walls.

Lina turned to me and said, "This is pretty exciting, huh?" She smiled.

I grinned back enthusiastically. "Yeah, it is." I got up from the couch to look in the mini fridge, just to have something to do.

"Good," Lina said, "Because it'll be the last thing you'll do."

For a second, I thought I heard her wrong. I turned around and leaned on the mini fridge – it was empty. Her smile was still on her face, but it was different. Changed. She still looked beautiful as ever, but it was different now. She looked… sinister, as weird as it was. Evil, demonic even. It scared me so much, I tried to step back further, but the fridge blocked me.

Within a second, Lina was in front of me, grabbing my jaw tightly. I thought my teeth might cave in. I whined since her tight grip prevented me from screaming. My breath came in short gasps.

"We've been looking for you for a long time, Andy," Lina sneered.

My eyes started watering. I was so scared for my life. My head was reeling a million miles an hour, trying to make sense of any of this. I didn't know what I'd done. I tried thinking if I've ever met her before but my mind drew a blank.

I drew up enough confidence to bring my arms up and try to pry her fingers off my jaw. I could feel bruises forming on my cheeks.

Before I could bring my hands up, though, she threw me across the room. I squealed and then hit the wall on the other side of the room. Big black dots flashed across my eyes as I hit the floor with a thud. I couldn't breathe for a moment. My lungs weren't functioning. And, if I knew what it felt like to be stabbed in the back, this is my guess as to what it would feel like. I shut my eyes tightly to try and make the big dots to go away.

When I opened them up again, I saw Lina running towards me, ready to finally kill me.

It was like everything kicked into fast motion. Just as Lina should have grabbed my throat and choked the life out of me, the door to the room flung open. I couldn't concentrate much on who they were or what they did. My brain was filled with cotton. All I knew was that I was alive, and Lina wasn't running at me anymore.

Someone, a man, scooped me off the floor and cradled me against his firm chest. He was warm. They (there were at least two of them) were talking hurriedly to each other. Their voices sounded muted so I couldn't understand what they were saying. I only caught bits of their conversation.

"Is it her?" one asked. His voice was a little husky. It was close – he was the one holding me.

"Get her…. Safe… the car…" said the other.

"….deal with the demon…"

A headache worse than I'd ever had, including the accident, started coming to my mind. Before I realized it, I whimpered a little. The man holding me must have heard because the next thing I knew, there was a bright light, which didn't really help much with a headache. I groaned from the pain. It was like a dozen knives being shoved into my brain slowly.

It took me a moment to notice we'd stepped outside. The sun burned my eyes and took in a sharp breath when my head felt like it was on fire. I heard the jingling of metal – keys.

Slowly, I was lowered down into a seat. I could feel the leather with my limp hands. My eyes were reeling all over the place, but when the man set me down, I set my eyes on him. This was the moment I thought I was hallucinating again. My mind was losing itself again, after a year of peace. But no matter how many times I blinked while he attempted to put on my seatbelt, he didn't change.

Jensen Ackles was the one carrying me, and the one trying to secure me in the seat. Since I wasn't completely useless, I used the little amount of energy I had left to help him.

"Thanks," he said, a little taken back.

I smiled weakly but kept my mouth shut. I didn't want to make a fool of myself in front of the one man I'd wanted so badly to see, let alone be alone with.

Jensen looked away from me for a moment to look back at the building, worry all over his face.

"Jared should be back by now," he mumbled to himself. Then he backed out of the car and shut my door. He walked over to the driver's side and got in, and then put the keys in the engine and started it up.

A couple seconds later, Jared ran out of the building and hopped into the passenger seat. Without even waiting for Jared to shut his door and buckle up, Jensen roared out of the parking lot, making the tires squeal on the pavement.

I still couldn't really believe any of this was happening. The two men who were practically gods were sitting mere inches away from me. But I couldn't get the nerve up to speak to them, or even to move. Either that or my brain wasn't connecting with the rest of my body and I _couldn't_ move.

I could see Jensen constantly checking in the rearview mirror at me, and at the road behind us. He nudged Jared.

Jared turned around and said, his voice full of sympathy, "Are you okay, Andy?"

The fact that he even knew my name almost made me pass out. Somehow I nodded my head slowly since it was still pounding.

Jared turned back to Jensen and said, "Man, she's not looking too good. We should take her to the hospital."

"What, are you crazy? Who knows how many are out there, looking for her!" Jensen countered.

"Look at her!" Jared whisper-yelled. "She could very well have a serious concussion. We don't know how long she was in the room with Lina before we came in. Who knows what would have happened had we been just a little later?"

This time Jensen turned his head back to take a look at me for a second before turning back to the road. "We can take her anywhere but the hospital, Jared. I'm sorry, but we can't risk it."

Jared sighed, giving up the argument. Then he turned to me again and said, "Andy, I need you to listen to me, okay? Whatever you do, you can't go to sleep. I know you probably feel nauseous and tired and like full-on shit, but you can't close your eyes, okay?" he said it with such kindness it nearly broke my heart. It reminded me of when I was rushed to the hospital two years ago. The doctors were constantly shouting at me to stay with them, to keep my eyes open.

But I couldn't help it. My eyes wouldn't stay open. The last thing I remember is me muttering, "Impossible," and both of them yelling my name, full-on worry in their voices.

* * *

When I woke up, the headache had not improved. If anything, it got even worse. When my vision cleared, I saw I was on a queen-sized bed, in what looked like a hotel room. Except it was more than a hotel room, I soon realized. It was a _penthouse suite_. The room I was in had a bed, a bathroom off to the side, and wide double doors that led to the main room. The walls were all a neutral tan color with a few abstract pictures hanging. For a second, I thought everything that happened was a dream. I mean, how else would Jared and Jensen have saved my life? There was just no way.

At least, that's what I thought until I saw a man walk up to the window in the main room, looking outside at whatever scenery there was.

Jensen Ackles.

He was looking outside, but it didn't look like he was actually _looking_ at it. He had a hard face on; pensive. Whatever he was thinking, it was not about the oaks outside, I guessed.

Then from behind him, Jared came up. The doors muffled what they were saying a bit, but I watched in silence.

"We have to protect her!" Jared whisper-yelled. He seemed to do that a lot.

"Don't you think I know that?" Jensen countered, "But this is something that's bigger than us. Our job is to hunt things, not be witness protection!"

Jared said in a softer, more sympathetic tone, "For right now, it is."

Then I sneezed.

I couldn't help it, or hold it back. After the fact, my head started pounding even more. Jared and Jensen looked over at me, shocked to see I was awake.

They each burst through a door, nearly ripping it off the hinges. They both looked worried beyond belief for me, which was weird because I didn't even know them.

"How-How are you feeling?" Jensen asked, looking me over. I suddenly felt like I was naked.

"Yeah, any more nausea, black spots or anything?" Jared added.

I shook my head, still too stunned at them being right in front of me. I blurted out, "Nothing but a headache now."

I quickly glanced down at myself to make sure I actually was wearing clothes. I was wearing the same jeans and shirt as before. The only thing different was that my shoes and jacket were off now.

"Andy," Jensen said, walking over to the side of the bed and sitting down, "I know you have a lot of questions-"

"What _was_ that thing that attacked me?" I interrupted him before he could add his 'but'. I knew whatever it was, it was not human. I didn't think humans could have that much evil in them. In all my twenty-seven years, I've experienced bad, but not that horrible.

Jensen sighed and turned to Jared for help, but Jared had the same expression.

"I think you know," Jensen said.

Sickly, I thought I did. But those weren't real! They were in horror stories, not backstage at Supernatural conventions. Though, if there ever was a place to go, that would be it.

"A demon," I said out loud.

I was waiting to hear them start laughing, telling me I was crazy for even thinking it. But they didn't laugh. They didn't say I was crazy. They just looked at me, letting it sink in. I let out a nervous laugh.

"You… what… no, that's impossible," I stammered.

"It is very possible," chimed in Jared, "and it happened. If there was a way for us to make you forget it, we would. But we can't. So now you know that things go bump in the dark, and we have to protect you."

"Ghosts?" I said. They nodded. "Witches?" They nodded again. "Angels?"

This time they faltered a little. "What happens in the show isn't always how it is in real life, Andy," said Jared.

Jensen rolled his eyes. "What Sasquatch is trying to say, is that the angels aren't exactly on speaking terms with us."

"So they're real," I said bluntly. I thought I was still dreaming. There was no way. No way, I kept repeating in my mind.

Jensen and Jared didn't seem to like talking about them much, so I left it alone. If this was a dream, I still didn't want them to get irritated with me and leave. I would spend as much dream-time with them as I could.

There was an awkward silence for a while, but then I said, "Why me? I mean, Lina sounded like she knew me, but I've never seen her before in my life…"

"Enough talk about this," Jared said, stopping Jensen from whatever he was about to say. "You need something to drink, Andy."

"How long was I out?" I asked.

"A few hours."

Jared left the room to get water from somewhere. Jensen was about to leave, too, but I called his name. He turned around.

"Why was she after me?" I asked him in a quiet tone.

"It's better you don't know, Andy," he replied. But, of course, that only made me want to know even more. "We'll be leaving soon. You'll meet some of our…. friends that will help us out."

I sighed and sat back slowly on the bed. I was pretty sore from smashing into a wall. Jensen left the room and a few seconds later, Jared stepped in holding a bottle of cold water.

"Thanks," I muttered. I was thirstier than I thought because I drank the whole thing.

"Want more?" Jared asked, amused.

I shook my head. "No thanks."

He took the empty water bottle and placed something small in my hand. It was a coin-sized charm on a leather necklace. "Put it on," he instructed, "It prevents you from being possessed."

I took in another sharp breath of air, caught off guard, yet again. Everything was too real to be a dream.

"Why would I be possessed?" I asked. I'd lived this long without that happening, why now?

"More demons than you or I know will be looking for you, just waiting. Better safe than sorry, right?" Jared said.

I didn't say anything else, so he left. After the door was shut, I put on the leather necklace and tied it behind my neck.

About an hour later, Jared and Jensen were packed up and ready to go. I didn't have anything besides my jacket and my shoes. I'd found out I left my purse back at the convention, but that was the least of my concerns. I had an army of god-knows-what after my ass. I think losing my license was a little less important.

They made sure they had everything before exiting the room, with me in between the both of them. We took the stairs (for fear of being spotted in the elevator, by humans or anything else) and left out the back entrance. There waiting was a big, sleek, black Escalade. Jared was walking in front of me, and Jensen trailed behind. The split second I had to look around, I realized I wasn't in Chicago anymore. There were no more tall skyscrapers and honking taxis. To be honest, it looked like we weren't even in Illinois anymore. It was a nice hotel but in the middle of nowhere.

All three of us shuffled into the car. The second we had ourselves buckled in, we were skidding off towards the freeway.

"Where are we going?" I asked, looking out the windshield.

"It's better we don't say it aloud. Who knows who's listening," said Jensen.

If I wasn't in the same situation, I'd have thought these guys were more paranoid than a schizophrenic on crack, but I understood. For some reason, I was actually taking this all pretty well. Or maybe it was because I still thought I was either hallucinating again or dreaming.

After we were on the freeway for a while, Jensen took out his phone and dialed a number. I could hear the ringing faintly on the other line. Then a click and someone said something, but it was too mumbled to understand.

"We have her," Jensen said. "It was just like we thought… Mmm-hmm… at the convention, yes. We got to her just in time… We're bringing her to the safe-house now… Yes, got it… I understand… See you there."

"Safe-house?" I asked. "Am I under some sort of witness protection program or something?" I repeated Jensen's words from earlier.

Jensen shut his phone, turned to me, and smiled. "Or something."

I couldn't help but smile back a little. He was dazzling. Every inch of him was purely amazing. His smile, his eyes, his bone structure, his _muscles_. I felt like I was going to pass out again, so I stopped myself there. But he was the exact replica of Mr. Tall-Dark-and-Handsome.

I was too scared to ask more questions because I was afraid of what the answers would be. So for the next two and a half hours, the entire car was quiet, except for Jared and Jensen's phones going off every second of texts and emails and a few calls. I even guessed they were texting each other, talking about what they couldn't say to me. I felt like I was a top-secret file that even I couldn't read.

Finally, the driver pulled off to an exit and drove down an empty road for a few miles. I saw a house coming up. It was old-looking like it'd been there for at least sixty years. It was plopped on acres and acres of land. In the driveway was a single car – a black Toyota Corolla. It also had old tractors and some cows out front. We pulled in and Jared got out, then me, and then Jensen on the other side.

"Should I wait here, sir?" the driver asked politely. I could tell he was sweating. I could understand – being in their presence for so long was having me sweat a little, too. They were so God-like, and I… well wasn't.

"No, we've got our own ride from here, Martin," said Jared, handing him some cash. "I'm not sure if this was an unspoken deal or not, but don't say anything about this to anyone, okay?"

Martin nodded and backed out of the gravel driveway. Then I followed Jared into the house, Jensen flanking behind me again.

Right inside the first room, in all of his odd glory, was Jim Beaver, AKA Bobby Singer.


	3. Chapter Three

All I did for the next few hours were get lectured by all three guys on what I could or couldn't do. In a nutshell – things I could do: nothing. Things I couldn't do: everything.

I couldn't call friends or family, I couldn't leave this house unless it was with one of them, I had to be with at least one of them at all times, blah, blah, blah. To practically everyone or everything, I was off the grid. I couldn't help but wonder what Erin was up to right then. Was she back home? Was she worried about me as much I was about her? Was she even alright? Did any other demons get to her? How weird was it that I actually had to ask that question?

By now, it was dark out. It had to be almost midnight, or maybe even past that. We weren't even allowed to use the lights in the house. Then again, there was no guarantee that this ancient house even had the ability for electricity.

Somehow, they all had a flashlight and were using them to walk around the house. But I was too tired to even think properly. Jensen, having offered to be my personal bodyguard, led me upstairs to where my room was to be. In the dark, I couldn't see the room very well. Maybe I didn't want to, though. It didn't smell all too great, and I swore I could've heard some rustling of rats in the corner. It was probably about half the size of my room back home. Very small, in other words. I found the bed easily – it took over most of the space. The springs inside the mattress creaked as I sat down on it. I took off my shoes and turned to Jensen. I could just make him out in the darkness.

"What about you?" I asked.

"What about me?" he replied.

I sighed. "A bed. I mean, you have to sleep, too."

He chuckled a little and said, "I said I would watch over you, Andy. I can't sleep and watch over you at the same time."

I took out the necklace I'd gotten from them from hiding under my shirt. "I'm protected, remember?"

"That protects you from being possessed. It doesn't ward off demons. Their senses are keener than a mountain lion's. One little shift and a hoard of them will come attacking."

I swallowed loudly and tried to play it cool. "Oh."

Jensen must have momentarily forgotten I was still new to all of this, so he said, "Um, sorry. I just… it's different. I've been surrounded by people who have known about all of this for a long time."

I nodded but I knew he couldn't see it in the dark.

"Anyways," he said, sucking in some air and leaning on the wall. "You should get some sleep. You've got a long day tomorrow."

"What's happening tomorrow?"

"Training. And homework."

"Um," I stuttered. "What?"

"Jared, Jim, and I – we aren't always going to be there. You're going to have to learn how to fend for yourself a little."

Something dawned on me. "How long exactly, will I be… under this demon-watch?"

Jensen took a while to answer. Maybe he didn't know, or he was thinking. He thought to himself a lot. "To be honest, we're not sure. It's not like we can exterminate every last demon on this planet. More will just come back."

I ran a hand nervously through my hair. All of this was just too much. Twenty-four hours ago, I was worried about what I was going to wear and how I would do my hair for the convention. And now, I was worried about if I would live to see or my family again.

"Sooner or later," I said, cutting the silence, "you or Jared or _someone_ is going to tell me why they want me."

Jensen sighed. "I know."

"So then why?" I said. "Why not just tell me?"

"Because it's not like you can change it. It wouldn't matter."

"It matters to me!"

Jensen knelt down to my face level on the bed. I could clearly make out his face now, hovering a foot away from mine. His green eyes looked straight into mine. "September twenty-ninth, two thousand and nine."

I looked at him like he was crazy. Was that supposed to mean something to me? Then I remembered. "What does my car crash have to do with anything?"

"You died."

I pinched the bridge of my nose and squeezed my eyes shut. "You need to start telling me things I didn't already know. I knew I died. I was dead for two minutes and forty-two seconds–"

"And then in a coma for three weeks after that, right?" Jensen added.

I rolled my eyes. I didn't even bother asking him how he knew all of this. It really didn't matter at this point. "Yes."

"Those hallucinations you saw? The people?" I looked at him now, shocked. Barely anyone knew about those. "The doctor said it was normal for patients who go through as much trauma as you did. But those weren't just hallucinations."

I gasped. "Ghosts. I saw ghosts."

Jensen nodded. "You stepped into two worlds when you crashed – the dead and the living. The doctor gave you medicine to get rid of them."

"I still don't understand why demons are after me, though," I said, trying to think straight.

Jensen sighed, sounding a little frustrated, actually. "When someone dies, where do they go?"

"Um, I don't know. Heaven?"

"Or?"

"Or? Hell?"

"Bingo."

"Are you saying I went to Hell?"

Jensen shook his head. "No. Look, when someone dies, it's not like how everyone says, that the soul flies up to Heaven and lives happily ever after. The soul splits. The bigger part of the soul goes to the place where it is meant – Heaven or Hell. The other piece, the smaller one, will always go to Hell because everyone has a little bit of bad in them, no matter how good."

"Wait, wait, wait. Why does the soul break apart?" I broke in. I was starting to get a headache trying to understand any of this.

"Because. In every person, there's a good side and a bad side. Whichever side is stronger is the part that either stays in Hell or goes to Heaven."

I was quiet for a while, letting this all sink in. For the first time, I began thinking this was all real. The demons, the angels, the soul splitting, my death – all of it was connected somehow.

"You still haven't gotten as to why I'm on the demons' 'Most Wanted' list," I said.

Jensen took another deep breath in and waited for a few seconds to tell me anything. Those seconds felt like hours. "A piece of you went to Hell, yes. But not all of you."

"So I went to Heaven, too, then."

"Not quite. You were, I guess, en route, but were resuscitated too soon. But the piece of you that went to Hell came back too."

"Why is that a 'but' sentence?"

"Once Lucifer knows something is his, he… well, he feels he has claim to it. And since a piece of you entered into his territory…"

I started choking a little internally. I felt like my lungs were shrinking up, and my brain and heart were exploding.

"He thinks he has claim over me."

"Try and guess why people who die and come back don't live for very long. Satan sends his army after them, to get what he thinks is rightfully his. Not only that, but those who come back to life have a more important soul. They're worth almost a million souls. The more souls he receives, the easier it is for him to escape his cage."

"Oh my God," I said, covering my face with my hands. I felt like crying, or screaming, or just about anything. But nothing happened. My body wasn't cooperating with me.

Lucifer – the Devil – Satan – whatever you called him, was after me. Wanting me. Wanting to _kill_ me.

I took a minute to collect myself, and then looked back up at Jensen. His face was twisted with worry.

"How do you know all this?" I finally asked.

He gave a weak smile. "We have our resources. Demons."

"Oh, torture, right." I said coolly.

My mind was racing over the fact that he was touching me. Touching my _hand_. And his thumb was softly caressing the top of it, over my bruised knuckles from smacking into a wall. I stared at our hands touching for a while, amazed to find that he was real, that I could feel his skin and his heat and his calluses.

Then just as quickly he was touching me, he withdrew his hand and gave an awkward clearing-his-throat sound.

"You should go to sleep," he said once again, "It's been a long day."

I looked away from my now-empty hand and back up at him. "Um, yeah."

 _Um, yeah?_ That's all I could think of to say? I couldn't ever be more embarrassed than that moment.

So I laid down on the creaky bed and fell asleep almost instantly. So fast, I didn't even have time to wrap the thin blankets around me. I found out later that Jensen took the blanket from the end of the bed and draped over my unconscious body.

* * *

That night I didn't dream, which I was thankful for. I thought that if I did dream, it would be more of a nightmare.

When I woke up the next morning, I was facing the opposite side of the room than the door. I forgot where I was and what happened, so I gasped and sat up when I didn't recognize the area.

"Whoa!" Jensen grabbed my shoulders to calm me. I turned to him. His eyes were only half open and he looked weary.

I remembered everything then and I calmed down – well, as much as you could when demons were hunting your ass.

"You were asleep," I said matter-of-factly.

Jensen sat back down on the ancient chair and shrugged. "I'm only human."

For some reason, I thought that was really funny. I started laughing and quickly covered my mouth, embarrassed.

Jensen just shook his head and smiled. "You sure are an interesting person, Andy."

Out of nowhere, I became very self-conscious. In the mornings, I wasn't exactly looking like Jennifer Lopez. My hair was usually a complete mess, and since I didn't take off my makeup from the day before, I probably looked like a dead raccoon.

"Hey, um," I said awkwardly, "Where's the bathroom?"

Jensen pointed me in the direction and I quickly walked in, fixed myself up, and walked back out. Jensen was waiting there in the hallway.

"Oh!" I said, almost bumping into him.

"Breakfast?" he asked, nodding towards the stairs.

"Uh, no, I'm fine, thanks," I said in a bit of a daze. I couldn't help but stare at him. Even while he looked exhausted, he still had god-like features. Gorgeous green eyes, clear, dazzling skin, and not a hair looked out of place.

I didn't even hear what he said next, so I asked him to say it again.

"Well, Jim's going to go out and buy a couple pairs of clothes for you–" he paused when he saw my face. How could an old dude buy clothes for me? So he continued, "Don't worry, he's got a daughter that is obsessed with fashion. You're in good hands."

I crossed my arms. "Why can't I just buy my own clothes?"

"No one can know you're here," Jensen said.

"Oh, but sending a famous actor out to buy girl clothes is better?"

He shrugged. "He's the one with the daughter. Look, Andy, we don't know how many demons we're up against, okay? We have no clue who's possessed and who's not. So for now, this is what we have to do until we're ready to make a move."

I sighed. "And how long until we 'make a move'?"

Jensen half smiled like he was amazed by me. "You never stop asking questions, do you?"

"Not until I know demons aren't hunting me." I smiled sarcastically.

Jensen replied, "Well we can't kill every demon in the universe, Andy. There'll always be more."

I held my hand up, stopping him if he was going to say more. "Wait, _what_?! You're saying I'll _never_ be safe?"

"No, I–" he sighed, clearly frustrated. "I'm just saying that we don't know the whole story. We don't know if every demon is out for you, or if Lucifer's special army is."

I covered my ears and yelled, "Stop, stop, stop! God, I want to stop learning these things!" I took my hands back down and said, "Lucifer has a special _army?_ Quite possibly out for _me_?" I could feel myself starting to hyperventilate.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Andy," Jensen said, putting his hands on my arms. "Sit down, okay? Just sit down." I did as he told me and slid down the wall. He crouched down in front of me, hovering, just mere inches away from my face (which obviously didn't help my hyperventilating).

"I'm sorry," Jensen continued, "I shouldn't keep dumping all this stuff on you. It took me six years to get used to all this, yet I'm still not used to it all." He gave a little chuckle. I tried as hard as I could to not look at him because if I did, I knew I would lose myself.

Next, I heard some thundering footsteps coming up the stairs. I looked over quickly and saw Jared coming up to us. He saw the position we were in and the look on his face was like he just walked in on us having sex. It became incredibly awkward.

Jensen followed my eyes and knelt back a little but still stayed on the ground with me.

"What's going on?" Jared asked slyly.

I still couldn't quite catch my breath so Jensen spoke up.

"Andy's just overwhelmed."

"Right, well… Jim just came in the driveway, so you might want to go down there, Andy. Knowing Jim, he probably bought the wrong size. Try on the clothes and if they're the wrong fit, he'll go out and get different ones."

"I'm sure they'll be fine," Jensen said, smiling at me. Jensen helped me off the ground and was about to lead me down the stairs when Jared stopped him. "I'm sure she can get down the stairs without breaking her neck. You and I have to talk about… stuff." Jared glanced at me and I immediately got nervous.

Despite what Jared said, they both stayed at the top of the stairs to see I did make it down without dying. Once I was in the clear, they turned away. Alone for the first time since the attack, I was anxious to see Jim. But instead of waiting I walked outside and saw him taking bags out of his car. It looked like he bought the whole store. He himself was holding four bags in one hand and two in the other, while still trying to get more out. On the ground there had to be about 4 other bags. And they were not small bags.

I quickly walked up and saw the back only had a few left. "Let me take these," I said, feeling better now that I was with someone.

"Thanks, Andy," he said, grunting a bit as he hefted the bags up a little on his hands and walked toward the house.

Once all the bags were inside I looked into the bags, curious. Jensen was right – the clothes actually looked really nice. There were all different types of clothes and bags and bags of them.

"I didn't know quite what your style was," Jim said awkwardly after we put all the bags in the front room. When I looked at him, though, I knew what he was thinking. _I didn't know how long you'd be staying_.

For the rest of the day, I didn't really do much. It was the boys (weird how I could say that) that were constantly shuffling around.

Jensen, though, always made sure I was within eyesight of him. Despite the fact we never once went outside the house and I was in absolutely no danger, he still made sure to be close to me. It was weird – yesterday he didn't want to be around me, let alone babysit me, and now he had to make sure he was always near me. Not that I was complaining.

While Jensen and Jim were looking over some papers (I never bothered looking at what they were), I got to thinking about everything back home in Chicago. Erin, my friends, my job – when would I be able to go back? I'm pretty sure I'd be long fired by then, the search would be over for my body, and Erin would be so frizzed out, she'd probably be in a mental hospital. Not to mention the meds for my hallucinations. I'd gone to the convention thinking I'd be home by the evening, but now it was twenty-four hours later.

So with that thought, in the middle of Jensen and Jim whispering to each other, I asked, "When can I call home?"

Jensen and Jim looked up, shocked at the question. They glanced at each other and then Jensen said awkwardly, "The demons could be sitting, just waiting for us to make a move. They could have the phones lines wired for all we know."

Jim added, "It's just not safe right now."

I grumbled and fell back against the peeling wall. "So you want me to stay here, and live like the Amish?"

Jensen put a dumb smile on his face. "Yes, exactly."

I rolled my eyes but couldn't help smiling at him a little. "I just – I need… some things from my house." It was embarrassing to bring up, but really – I needed the medication. The things I saw, the dead people, were disgusting and gruesome. It was worse than any horror movie could portray. I really didn't want to go back to that.

"Like what?" Jensen asked.

I could feel my face getting hotter. I'm not sure why I found this so embarrassing. I mean, Jensen knew what happened, and what I saw.

"Just… something," I said.

Jim probably thought I meant something else, because he said, "Well when I went out before, I made sure to stop to get… those things. The bathroom is fully stocked for a few months." If I thought I was blushing bad, he was worse. He went deep red.

"Oh, god, no!" I said awkwardly. "I don't mean _those_!" Better now than never, right? "I meant my medication. You know, for the hallucin- I mean, for the ghosts."

"You really need those?" Jensen asked. He was fully facing me in the chair now.

I nodded.

"Wait," Jim said. His face was back to normal complexion now. "This might actually work out to our advantage."

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

Jim looked at Jensen, instead of answering me. "Think about it – if she can see the other side, that might be able to work out to our advantage. They can go places we can't, see things we would never be able to."

Jensen turned to me and looked me over.

"Jim might have a point. You could be our secret weapon. The demons might not know you can still see the dead."

I gawked. "You're seriously debating this? No. I refuse. I won't be your _secret weapon_!"

"Why not?"

"Because! You don't see the things I do. They're gross and scary, and all-around creepy! They don't look like they did when they died – their bodies are all broken and falling apart. They have… flesh, just dangling there, falling off…" I closed my eyes, trying to forget what I saw all those months ago.

Jensen stood up and walked over to me. "Just think – you draw them in, get them to do what we need, and then boom! Everything goes back to normal. The sooner we can get this whole mess over with, the sooner you can go home. The sooner you can start back on the medication."

"Jensen…" A lump was forming in my throat, as stupid as it was. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get those memories out of my head anymore. Everything was brought back to the surface.

Not only would I have to face seeing all those decomposing bodies, but if what he said was true – that I could go home sooner – that would mean I would have to stop this rollercoaster I was on. Sure, having your head out there for the chopping was scary as hell, but I would never get to spend time with these three guys ever again. It would be like none of this happened.

"No." I sounded more confident than I felt. Call me selfish, but I didn't want to give away my time with them away so easily.

Jensen put his hands on my arms. Heat raced through my body. His eyes looked into mine, pleading. "Please, Andy. Not only would this help you out, but it'll help us, too. I know we haven't known you long at all, but we – all three of us – really like you. We don't want you to get hurt. By eliminating the demons after you, we know you can be safe."

Jensen looked at him at Jim, still sitting. Jim nodded to what he was saying, agreeing. "We just want to help out, Andy. But for this problem to go away, we need a little help from you, too. You have the chance to help."

Just then, Jared walked in from outside. He was doing a border watch outside the house for the past couple hours.

"Dude, why do I always walk in when you two are touching?" Jared asked with a smile on his face. When he felt the seriousness of the atmosphere, he asked, "What's going on?"

Jim walked over and led Jared to another room to fill him in. Looking back at Jensen, I could see it in his eyes. He needed me to do this.

In the old fairytales, you always hear about the damsels in distress. They're weak, fragile, scared – while they wait for their big, strong, Mr. Right to save them. This was my chance to break the cycle. I had the power in my hands to change my story. I didn't have to be the damsel in distress. I could save myself. What would you have done if you knew the best and fastest ways to stay alive was inside you?

I slumped into Jensen a little and sighed. "Fine."


	4. Chapter Four

It took a few days for the ghosts to show up, and in that time I learned a couple protective moves. The ghosts looked more transparent than they did months ago, and there were less of them. But their bodies were still decayed and mangled. Saying they looked like zombies from the worst possible horror film was putting it lightly. With zombies, you could shoot them in the head and they were gone. For the rotting corpses, you could swat, kick, shoot, or scratch all you wanted, but it'd go straight through them. Believe me, I've tried.

The first ghost appeared just after noon, while I was eating a sandwich. Jensen was sitting across the table from me, eating his own. I got up to throw the paper plate away, and when I turned back to Jensen, there she was.

She was no older than eighteen. Her hair was in a messy bun, her eyes were sunken into her head, and she looked so, so sad. She was wearing a pair of old, worn down jeans and a plain white t-shirt. Since she was the first, she was barely visible, but I could see her. What stuck out to me the most, though, were her arms. Scars lined all over her arms, from her shoulders to the tops of her hands. Not only that, but deep green and dark purple and blue bruises spotted her arms like a Dalmatian of the sickest kind. Then I figured out what happened, how she died. Most of the scars on her arms were a couple inches long, but there were two on the inside of her wrist, going up to the crease of her elbow, almost so deep I was surprised I couldn't see bone.

I gasped in shock and fell back, almost knocking over the trash can. Jensen looked up an alarm. "What?"

I pointed to the girl, but I knew Jensen wouldn't be able to see her. So instead I said, "The first one. I see her."

If she could hear me, or even see me, I didn't know because her expression never changed.

"Can you talk to her?" Jensen asked out of nowhere.

I shrugged. I'd never tried before, so I took a step toward her and said sheepishly, "Hi."

Surprisingly, her eyes snapped up to look at my face. She did nothing else for a couple seconds, so I continued to speak. I tried hard not to glance at her arms. "Um, my name is Andy."

"My name is Rachel," the girl said. I gasped again – I didn't know ghosts could talk, and her voice caught me off guard. Looking at her, you might think her voice was gruff and grating, like nails on a chalkboard. Instead, it was soft and sweet, like caressing a silk pillow. She sounded so innocent and… well, sad, lonely, and fragile.

"What?" Jensen said, standing next to me now. "What happened?" His eyes were searching at the spot I was staring at, like he expected to see her.

"Her name is Rachel," I repeated. Rachel didn't look over at Jensen, almost like she didn't even notice he was there.

"She can talk?"

I nodded, never letting my eyes leave Rachel for a second. Despite her sorrowful expression, she was beautiful. She had ivory, pale skin, fire-y orange hair, and her face was dotted with dozens of small freckles. I was afraid that if I looked away, she would disappear. Strange as it was, I wanted her to stay.

"What now?" I asked Jensen.

"Uh… ask how she died?" He shrugged.

I lightly slapped his arm. "No! Anyways, I already know."

"Okay – then how?"

I glanced at her arms despite my urges not to. I was half hoping the scars, cuts, and bruises would have disappeared. But there they were.

"She… uh…" I stuttered. When I looked back up at her face, she was still staring at me. "Killed herself."

I saw her flinch a little. "I had to get away from him," Rachel whispered, but it cut through to me like she was speaking on a megaphone.

"Oh my god," Jensen said.

I couldn't pay attention to him right now. I zeroed in on Rachel. "Get away from who?" I was afraid of her answer.

She looked away. I still couldn't shake the feeling that she was like glass: cracked, waiting for just a slight breeze to fall apart.

"My father," she said.

I swallowed. "What happened?"

She shook her head like it was just too much to deal with. So instead I motioned to Jensen. He stepped forward awkwardly.

"Rachel, this is Jensen." I smiled a little.

"I know who that is," Rachel said, glaring at him. "He's an actor. Actors make me sick."

My smile faltered a little. "Well that's awkward," I said to myself.

Jensen must have seen my expression fade because he said, "What? What'd she say?"

"Um…" I stumbled. "She doesn't really like you."

Jensen pouted. "I don't know what I did to make her hate my already."

Rachel was now looking at him in disgust. "My father was an actor of sorts. It took me sixteen years to get rid of him."

I shut my jaw. Every time she spoke of her father, it made me wonder what happened between them to make her want to kill herself. I shivered. I was too afraid to ask. I didn't want to break her glass-like personality.

It was silent for a long time until Rachel spoke up, saying, "So what do you need me for?"

I was caught off guard and confused. "What?"

I'm pretty sure Jensen lost interest now because he was staying quiet at my side.

"I assume that's why I'm here."

Glancing at Jensen, I was shocked. I told her, "I don't know if you'd be willing to do it." I glanced at her arms again.

Rachel shrugged. "I've got nothing to do for the rest of eternity anyways."

I remembered what Jensen said a few days ago about soul-splitting, and wondered what it took to make you a ghost. I didn't really want to find out, but I asked Jensen anyways.

"Well it depends on a lot of things," he said, crossing his arms, "How the person died for one. Like in Rachel's case. A death as traumatic as that could keep their soul from moving on until the conflict leading to that is absolved. You also hear of 'unfinished business', which is true, too. Until that's sorted out, your soul is still tethered to the Earth plane."

"You hear that?" I asked Rachel. "You can still move on."

Rachel scowled. "What does he know? All he cares about is cashing in the big-buck checks."

I was grateful then that Jensen couldn't hear what she was saying about him. I wanted to buff up and defend him, but that would get me nowhere. It was a brick wall. Plus, we needed Rachel. If I went and tried to take someone's side, she might leave.

"Anyways," I said, "Are you sure you're up for the task?"

For the first time, Rachel smiled, only making her look even more beautiful. "It's been almost ten years since I've actually done anything. What do you need me to do?"

An hour later, Jensen, Rachel and I walked into the living room where Jim and Jared were having a couple beers and playing cards.

"Good news!" Jensen announced.

Jared and Jim turned around

"Uh, okay," Jared said, looking between Jensen and I awkwardly, "What's up?"

There was really no other way of putting it, so I said, "I've seen the first, um, ghost."

Jared looked like he was expecting something completely different. Jim began to look really interested in me. "Who is it?" he asked. "Anyone cool and famous?"

I laughed at his childishness and shook my head. "Her name is Rachel."

"Is she here now? What does she look like? How did she die? Is she willing to help us?" Jim began firing questions at me.

"Whoa there," Jensen said, taking a step forward, "Slow down old man." Then Jensen turned back to me and whispered, "He's a bit in love with the supernatural."

I giggled.

For the next half hour, I was everyone's question punching bag. Some of the questions were pretty harsh, or so I thought, on Rachel. I still couldn't get over the fact that she wasn't as fragile as I had thought. She surprisingly answered every question to me to pass on without hesitation.

"You know what you have to do, right?" Jared asked in the general direction of Rachel.

"Yes," she said matter-of-factly. I transferred her answer to the guys.

Jim leaned back in his chair. "Okay."

Rachel straightened up and looked over at me. She smiled a little. "See you in a little while."

I glanced between her and the guys, a little shocked. "Wh-what? That's it?"

Jim shrugged. "What else is there to do?"

"I-I don't know! Preparation, maybe?"

"Andy, she's a ghost… nothing can hurt her. Demons can't even see her."

 _Duh_ , I thought to myself.

"I'll be fine," Rachel said to me. "I can do it."

I sank down a bit. Jim was right. Anything the demons threw at her would just go right through her – assuming they somehow could see her.

"Before I leave, can I speak to you for a moment?" Rachel said.

I nodded and stood up. Automatically, Jensen stood up, too. As I walked towards Rachel, though, she was just glaring at Jensen.

"Alone," she spat out.

I sighed and turned to Jensen. "She wants to speak to me alone."

Jensen's face fell. "What? Why?"

I shrugged and looked over my shoulder to Rachel. She didn't look like she was going to change her mind.

"It's not like I'd even be able to hear her!" complained Jensen.

"Give me five minutes, okay?" I pleaded.

Jensen looked furious and I shrunk back, but eventually he calmed down. "Five minutes," he stated.

I followed Rachel into the kitchen, by where I first saw her. We were out of earshot. It was the first time since we got here I wasn't by anyone. It made me a little nervous, especially since I could _sense_ the other spirits starting to arrive. I couldn't see or hear them, but I knew that in just a little while I would.

"So what's up?" I asked, crossing my arms.

Rachel took a breath in. "I wanted to say be careful."

"Careful? Of what?"

"Them," she said, nodding in the direction of the guys.

"Why?" I asked cautiously.

Rachel stepped forward silently and whispered as if they could hear her, "Men should never be trusted."

"Rachel," I said sweetly, "They're really nice guys. I promise. They wouldn't do anything to hurt me, or even you."

Rachel scoffed, clearly not believing me.

I clenched my jaw. Man this girl was stubborn. What had made her so sure all men were evil? "What happened to you, Rachel? With your father?"

Her eyes blazed and her body went rigid at the last word. "I should go," she stated flatly. She started walking out of the room.

"Rachel! Wait!" I yelled. I ran after her, but she had disappeared.

I walked back to the living room were all three guys were waiting anxiously.

Jensen was the first to see me walk back in.

"What did she say?" he asked immediately.

I sighed and shook my head. I'd think that if she wanted to speak to me alone, she didn't want me to blabber to them about it. "Just girl stuff," I lied.

I must've been a convincing liar, because all three bought it and instantly looked a little awkward.

I clapped my hands together. "Alright, what now?"

As the guys took the happy chance to change the subject and they taught me a game of cards they'd invented while on set, I couldn't shake the feeling I was being watched. I came to a realization later, that because Rachel had left, the other spirits began to get stronger. I could feel their energy swirling around me, making me feel dizzy and nauseous.

Soon, they would swarm me like flies to a light. Soon, they would overwhelm me.

* * *

It didn't take long for them to show up. As night fell, three more ghosts appeared to me, nearly making me scream. One was a lady in her mid-forties, wearing a secretary-like suit. The others were men, one wearing an army outfit and the other in pajamas.

"Please help us," said the woman. Blood was splattered all over her, with a knife jutting out of her stomach. Her voice was so sad. I wondered if maybe all ghosts sounded like that.

"You have to catch him," she continued. A dribble of blood fell out of the side of her mouth, but it disappeared when it should have hit the ground.

The other two men were just standing there, staring blankly, and looking tortured. The man in the army suit had an arm missing, with tendons and muscles just dangling there. The one in the pajamas had his throat sliced open.

I gagged and quickly looked away. "Oh my god," I said, covering my mouth, "I think I'm going to be sick."

Jensen, who had just walked into the bedroom with me quickly ran to my side and helped me sit down. The three ghosts were standing in the corner opposite. I wouldn't let myself look at them.

"What's happening?" Jensen asked, "Are there more?"

I couldn't speak. I felt too nauseous, so I just nodded slowly.

Jensen sighed helplessly. I could tell what was going through his mind – he wanted to help me, but he had no idea where to start.

"Here," he said, holding out his hand. I took it and he helped me up. I realized how much bigger his hands were to mine. "Let's get you to the bed. There, now lie down."

I did as he told me and closed my eyes, trying to shake the images from my mind. My body felt rigid and cold.

"Feeling any better?" he whispered. I could feel his warm breath on my face. I didn't have to open my eyes to know he was inches away from my face. That didn't exactly help my stomach.

I opened my eyes. His green eyes looked deep into me. He didn't move away.

"Yeah," I said dreamily.

It took me a second to realize he wasn't inches away anymore. Those inches had quickly turned into centimeters. His warm hand was still grasping on to my cold hand. He wasn't looking into my eyes anymore. His gaze was now focused on my lips. I attempted to breathe evenly, but my heart was ticking away so fast I thought it might explode. It was the best and worst feeling I've ever known.

"Please! Help us!" The lady in the corner was yelling now. I gasped and jumped up, nearly head-butting Jensen in the forehead.

"I-I'm sorry," he said, clearly thinking my freak out was from him. He snapped back up, and took a step away from the bed – away from me.

"No," I said more loudly than I should have. Jensen looked shocked so I added, "I mean… it wasn't your fault. It's the damn lady. She…" I looked over at her and regretted it. More blood had fallen from her mouth. "She keeps yelling."

Just like on a cue, she screamed, "You have to find him! _Kill_ him!"

She kept going on and on, each time getting more and more gruesome in detail. At the same time, the two men caught on that I could hear them, so they started yelling, too. I covered my ears and squeezed my eyes shut.

"Be quiet!" I wailed. "Make them be quiet!" I didn't know who I was yelling to – Jensen or myself?

I didn't know if I could handle it. How much longer would I have to endure this insanity? The nausea had not moved away. My head was pounding harder than drums and my stomach was tying itself into knots. In this short amount of time, I'd managed to make myself feel and look like I was losing my mind. So I did what my mom always did to me when I was upset as a child – I rocked myself back and forth slowly. Then, thinking of my mom made my heart feel like crap as well. I could remember her smile, her laugh, and her sparkling eyes. Before I could stop it, tears were dripping down my cheeks.

I probably looked like a mess to Jensen but I guess he didn't care. He sat down on the bed with me again and wrapped himself around me. Slowly he lowered back down. I uncovered my ears and grabbed his shirt tightly in my fists. I needed something to squeeze, to touch, or I felt like I really would lose my mind. I had to remind myself what was real. Jensen was real. His shirt. His smell. His breath. I could feel a wet spot appearing on his shirt from my tears.

Softly and slowly, he started petting my hair, smoothing it down. His other hand was still wrapped around me, drawing circles on my back with a slight touch.

"Shh," Jensen said softly, "Sh, it's okay. I'm here. I'll always be here."

I opened my eyes to look at him. I didn't even want to know what I looked like to him. But he just looked right back at me, studying my face, trying to see if I was alright. I loosened my grip on his shirt and closed the remaining space between us. Right before my lips touched his, I stopped in front of him, afraid he would back away again. He didn't – his eyes kept looking deeply into mine, like he was trying to decipher what could possibly be running through my head. I could have stayed like that forever, wrapped in his arms, feeling his warmth against my skin.

And then Jensen Ross Ackles closed the distance, kissing me.

I won't lie and say it was the best kiss ever in the whole world. You try kissing someone with your eyes acting like waterfalls and feeling like you're going to throw up.

But it was pretty damn amazing. How often do _you_ get to kiss a celebrity? Not to mention he actually kissed _back_!

That night I fell asleep in his arms, and for the first time in days, I actually felt totally, completely, one hundred percent safe.

In the morning, I was actually the one to wake up first. We didn't move at all during the night – his arms were still curled around me. I wondered if this is what caterpillars felt like, wrapped in their cocoons.

When I looked up at Jensen, his eyes were closed and his mouth was parted slightly. His face was completely wiped of any negative expression. When I looked at his lips I had the urge to touch them, to know this was all real. All I could think about was last night's stomach-wrenching kiss.

In that moment, I forgot the rest of the world. It was only him and me, tangled together. No demons hunting me. No ghosts haunting me. No Jared always looking at us funny (or maybe he knew all along…?). No Jim looking at me like I was his little girl, going through awkward times.

Nothing.

Just us.

But, like always, life resumes. The stabbed secretary lady from last night appeared beside the bed. She was bent over, looking at us two dreamily.

"I remember when I was in love," she said quietly. I wanted to deny quickly that we weren't in love, but I said nothing.

I looked at Jensen. He was still sound asleep and slightly snoring. Slowly and silently, I sat up, trying not to wake him.

"What happened, then?" I asked her.

She stood up straight and looked down at the blade protruding from her stomach. "This did." She sighed.

I quickly looked away. It took me a moment to gather my thoughts. "Who do you keep telling me to find, ma'am? To… kill?"

It scared me a little bit that the spirits didn't look so transparent anymore. I remembered when I first woke up after my accident; they looked so real I thought they were actual people, not hallucinations, or ghosts as I now know. The doctors thought for a little I was actually brain damaged from being resuscitated and my brain losing oxygen. They thought maybe I'd developed schizophrenia. But after a few MRIs, they determined my brain was just a little bruised and I was just seeing hallucinations.

Jensen's theory on why I still see ghosts even though it's been a year is because a tiny fragment of my soul "moved on" to Hell. That little piece has created some kind of door between "the other side" and me. It's confusing – even I don't get it.

"You need to find the man that did this to me – you have to bring him to justice!" Her eyes started watering, and I thought she might start crying.

I swallowed. "I-I don't know how! Do you know who the man is?"

I knew I wasn't allowed to leave the house so I couldn't actually do anything, but I didn't want her to cry. I had to give her some hope. Maybe then she'd go away.

She nodded her head. "You'll help, won't you?"

Just like Jensen, she was pleading with her whole heart and soul. How hard could it really be? I mean, she already knew who her murderer was.

Then the lady literally got down on her knees in front of me. "Please," she begged, "I have – had – a husband and two kids. They have to know justice was served!"

I must be really easy to convince because before I knew what I was doing, I said, "Okay."

The man's name was Richard Marshalls and she said he lived right outside of Chicago. She said she knew this because for the past eight months she'd been watching him and his every move.

"What's your name?" I asked. If I was going to help her possibly "move on", I thought we might as well be on a first-name basis.

"Sheri," she said.

I smiled and leaned forward a little. I had to be quiet – Jensen was still sleeping. "Alright, Sheri. I'll do everything in my power to help you."

A tear fell down her cheek. I swore I could see her stab wound heal a little, or maybe it was my eyes playing tricks.

"Thank you, Andy," she said with sincerity. "Thank you so much."

I turned to Jensen. Now came the hard part – trying to persuade him and the other guys to let me out of the house. What did they expect me to do while we were waiting on Rachel? Just sit there like a duck?

Sheri cleared her throat and said, "I'll leave you two alone. Just call my name if you need me." She then evaporated into thin air.

I scooted a little closer to Jensen. The fact of how beautiful he was still blew my mind. Not to mention the fact that he wanted _me_ , of all people. I still remembered that day I found out he and his then-wife Danneel Harris announced they were filing for divorce. It really didn't shock me – celebrities always got married then divorced three seconds later. I never once thought I'd be waking up next to him, not even in my wildest fantasies.

Slowly with my fingers, I brought them up to his face and traced his jaw line. A weird thought popped into my head – if I was in ancient Greece, and I actually had artistic abilities, I would choose Jensen as a model to sculpt the perfect statue. He didn't have a single flaw about him; he was godly.

He twitched a little until he opened his eyes. He smiled and repositioned himself. "Good morning," he mumbled.

"Hi," I said dreamily.

"How'd you sleep?"

I leaned down closer. "Amazingly." I giggled.

Jensen lifted one hand and tucked a few hairs behind my ear. "Same." He let his hand fall.

I laced my fingers through his and said, "Hey, can I ask you a favor?"

Jensen shrugged. "Yeah, sure."

I looked down at our hands. I knew I would never forget this. I took a deep breath and let it out. I don't know why I was so nervous, but I was. Maybe because everything just became so perfect, that going out into the real world would shatter this feeling.

I told Jensen everything Sheri had told me. He kept his face expressionless… until I asked to help her out.

"What? No, that's out of the question, Andy. No way." Jensen straightened up a bit.

"C'mon!" I cried. "You said so yourself; I have the chance to help. So let me help! Why have this stupid ability if I can't put it to good use?"

Jensen sighed. "We can't risk it. _I_ can't risk it. If you go out there and something happens…" He looked away.

"Hey," I whispered, turning his head to me, "Nothing's going to happen."

Jensen was silent for a long time. I had no idea what was running through his mind. Maybe he was making a list of reasons not to let me go, or maybe he was really thinking of letting me go.

Finally he sighed and said, "We have to ask Jim and Jared first."

I nodded. "Of course. But what's your take on it?"

He shook his head. "I'm not a fan of this idea at all. You get hurt, or worse, and Lucifer would win again. You know that if Lucifer gets you, it's all over. On the other hand, we've been forcing you to live here for the past few days like a prisoner. Maybe it's a good idea for you to get some fresh air – under our close protection, of course."

I squealed and leapt forward to give him a hug around the neck. Just as quickly, I sprang backwards, face red, and said as calmly as possible, "Thank you."

Jensen laughed lightly. "I just want you to be happy, Andy. I don't want you to feel like a prisoner here."

I nudged him lightly. "If this is what prison was like, I would hope to have a life sentence."


	5. Chapter Five

We walked downstairs together. Our hands dangled dangerously close together. I wanted to grab it and claim it mine forever.

We heard Jim and Jared laughing in the kitchen. When we walked in, they were sitting at the table eating breakfast. Well, for Jared, "eating" was putting it lightly. From what I could tell he was scarfing food down like a starving hobo. Plus he had a second plate full of more food right next to him. Jim, on the other hand, had a _normal_ sized breakfast and was almost done.

Jim looked up at us and smiled in welcome. Jared turned around, mid-chew, and said, "Morning love birds."

 _Oh God,_ I thought, _How does he know?_

I could feel my face get hot. Jared spun back around to continue eating. Jim stood up, his plate now empty, and said, "Want some breakfast? I could whip up some more eggs?"

My stomach still didn't feel right from last night so I shook my head. "I'm good, thanks though." I looked at Jensen and nodded towards the others.

Jensen cleared his throat. "Hey, uh, guys?"

Jim stopped what he was doing and Jared turned around again.

"We gotta talk," Jensen said.

Once again I told Sheri's whole story. When I was finished, Jared jumped up from his seat. "Awesome!" he boomed. "Let's go!"

Jim rolled his eyes at the big goof. "Now hold on," he said. He looked at Jensen and said, "You support this?"

Jensen shrugged. "I don't see why not. I mean, we'll be there in case anything happens. And I don't really think being in this house for days on end is exactly good for her sanity. I know it's driving me a bit mad."

I looked down at my feet, remembering last night's episode. I didn't know if that was what he was talking about, but I stayed quiet.

"Yeah, but seeing ghosts keeps her fine and dandy, no matter where she is," Jim sarcastically said. Clearly, he wasn't as on board for this as Jared was. Jim shook his head. "No. This isn't a smart idea."

I growled. "Jim, you don't get it. I don't want to stay here like a sitting duck! I want to _do_ something. I want to help. Please!"

Jim walked closer. "No, I don't think _you_ get it, Andy. I don't think you understand what kind of danger you're in!"

I ran a hand angrily through my hair. "One way or another, whether it's today or fifty years from now, I'm going to die. Either way, he will win."

Everyone went silent. Everybody already knew this.

"Unless…" Jared said, perking up a bit.

I looked at him, confused. "What?"

"What if you don't die?" Jared asked.

"Jared," Jensen warned. "No. Don't."

Jared sighed and stood up. "Stop being so close-minded, Jensen. Would you just think about it seriously for a second?"

"What is he talking about?" I turned to Jensen.

But Jensen was glaring at Jared, not paying attention to me. "You don't think I have thought about it? If it was anyone else, then maybe. But not her, Jared. Not Andy."

"HEY!" I yelled, trying to get someone's attention. Everyone jumped to look at me. "What the _hell_ are you two talking about?"

Jim took a step forward. I think he could sense the tension building up in the room. He said in a stern voice, "Now, everyone just calm down a bit, okay?"

I shook my head. "No, you all need to tell me what you're talking about. Don't you think that if it's about me, I should know?" I looked at all three of them. Jensen was looking down at Jared, despite the fact that Jared towered over him.

"No," Jensen stated flatly. Then he walked out of the room.

I sighed but didn't follow him. I knew he needed some time to cool off and just be by himself.

Jim spoke up again, saying to me, "I know you probably think I'm just some old fart who doesn't know what's up or what's down but trust me when I say this: I know you want to help people, believe me. But going out there, in a world full of demons just waiting for you, think of your friends. You're someone's friend, Andy. Don't get killed just because you 'need fresh air'."

I swallowed. I felt like I was being lectured and hugged at the same time. Jim sighed and said, "Well, I better go make sure that idiot isn't about to go do something stupid."

As Jim left the room, I stood there, not sure where to go or what to feel.

"Here, sit down," Jared offered, pulling out a chair. I sat down and slumped.

"I'm sorry about that," Jared said, sitting down, too. The chair squealed a little under his weight.

I pinched the bridge of my nose. "What were you two talking about? Keeping me alive? What are you going to do – turn me immortal?"

Jared laughed half-heartedly. "Kinda."

"What!?" I exclaimed.

"Look, it's probably not the best idea for me to be telling you this, especially since it's not an option, according to Jensen."

I clenched my jaw and took in a deep breath before I said, "If there was a way for me to save myself and possibly billions of others, don't you think I should know?"

Jared looked down. When he looked back up, he was going to say something but then another voice cut in.

"Jared," they said. I turned around and saw Jensen leaning in the doorway. His face looked exhausted.

"Jensen I wasn't–" Jared started. Jensen just shook his head.

"I'll tell her," he said quietly, "She should hear it from me."

Jared nodded and Jensen said to me, "Come on, Andy. We're going to go for a walk."

I got up and walked to the door. We put on our coats and Jensen led me outside. I felt a little nervous being out there but I knew that if I was with Jensen I would be okay.

"So there's a way to survive this?" I prompted once we were outside and walked away from the old house. Jensen was silent the whole time; I didn't know what else to say.

Finally, he said, "Yes." Then he went silent again.

"Wha- well, how?" I asked after I realized he wasn't going to say more. I felt like I had to punch this answer out of him. Why was this so difficult for everyone to tell me?

Jensen stopped walking. Then he said, "But this shouldn't be the way, Andy!"

"What way? Just tell me what's going on!"

He couldn't look me in the eye. "Remember when everything started, and you asked if angels were real?" I nodded. "They're real. They'd be the ones to help you."

I shook my head, confused. "Well, that's a good thing, isn't it? The angels make me immortal and _boom_ , done."

Jensen scowled at the ground. "No, not done. Angels don't make you immortal."

"Well then what– "

"They make you _into_ an angel."

As usual, I was caught off guard. My mind fell into a dark, dank, hole and went completely blank. I could be turned into an angel. An _angel_.

"Oh," was all I could come up with.

Jensen looked up at me. His eyes were begging. "But this is not the way to save you! We can find another way! _I_ will find another way."

I swallowed. "I don't understand… why is this a bad thing?"

He went for my hand and when he touched me, suddenly I wasn't cold anymore from the fall weather. My whole body erupted into flames at his slight touch. "Once you turn, you can never come back. Humans who turn into angels leave to Heaven and forbidden to return."

I thought about that. If I left, I would never see Erin again, but most of all I would lose Jensen. Everything we built over these few days would tumble and disappear. And then I understood.

"It's not about making me, immortal, is it?" I said. Jensen didn't speak. "It's not that I could never be able to die that would keep me safe. It's about leaving and never returning."

He nodded. "If you become an angel, the lost part of your soul will come back and every piece of you will go to Heaven. That's how angels are made – a hundred percent of your soul goes to Heaven."

"And if the piece of me that went to Hell came back, Lucifer can't claim me as his anymore."

Jensen looked pained. "Don't tell me you're honestly thinking about this. Andy, please."

I shrugged and turned my back on him. "I don't know! If I'm really the key to breaking open the Devil's cage, and this was the sure way to stop it, of course I'm going to wonder if this is the best possibility. I mean, honestly, how many other options do we have?" I turned to see Jensen's face twist in emotional distress again. It's not often you see a guy this vulnerable, let alone an actor who knows how to control it; let alone Jensen Ackles.

"Please, Andy," he repeated, "Just give it time. I'll find something else – anything else."

I stepped back toward him, so close to him I could feel his body heat coming from beneath his coat. "What if we don't have so long? It's only a matter of time before the demons find me."

"Don't. Don't say that," Jensen stated. His eyes were full of water. I didn't want to see him cry. I was the unstable one, what with seeing all the ghosts and slowly losing my sanity. Not him. He was supposed to be the strong one. I put my hand on his cheek to try to comfort him. Jensen squeezed his eyes shut and a tear fell onto my hand.

"Jensen, look at me," I said. He opened his eyes and his expression broke my heart. He looked so torn. "Do you feel this?" With my thumb, I gently caressed his cheek. He hadn't shaved for a couple of days so he was a little scruffy. "Right now, I'm right here. Whether it's today or next year, or whenever, there will be a time that I can't be here to do this. Not if we don't seriously consider the angel possibility."

He brought his hand up to mine. For a second I thought he was going to agree to think about it. Instead, he lowered my hand from his face and then let go. He said, "I'm sorry, but no. I can't."

Jensen put his hands in the pockets of his jacket and turned around. He started walking back to the house. I didn't know if he expected me to follow him or not. So I just stayed there, frozen, all the heat now gone from my body, listening to the wind blowing the dead leaves off the ancient trees. I wasn't even thinking about demons finding me out there. All I could see in my mind was the pain on Jensen's face.

A huge gust of wind finally blew from behind me, making my hair whack me in the face, slapping me out of my trance. When I walked back into the house, I could hear Jim and Jensen yelling from upstairs. I guess everyone was on board the for the whole angel thing except Jensen.

Jared was standing by the steps, looking up at the second floor with his hands on his hips. When he saw me walk in, he walked over to me.

"I'm guessing it didn't go too well?" he said.

I shook my head slowly and we were quiet for a moment. The only sound was of the house creaking in the wind and the yelling from up the stairs. Slowly, an idea started forming in my mind.

"Do you still want to find Richard Marshalls, the man who killed Sheri?" I asked the giant man next to me.

Jared looked down at me, his eyebrows raised. "What? But Jim–"

"You're a grown man, Jared," I said, "Do you really need his permission?"

He kept staring at me like he expected me to bust out laughing and said I was just kidding. "You're being serious?"

"It's better than laying around, waiting for my head to be on the chopping block."

Jared crossed his arms. "What about the Jensen?"

I shrugged. "Leave a note."

If I got hurt or even died somehow on this simple mission, maybe it'd give Jensen more thought about our potential last meeting. Then, before I knew it, Jared said, "Alright let's do this."

I didn't have an overnight bag so I just took some extra clothes from the bags from the shopping spree Jim went on that were still downstairs. Jared swiped the Toyota keys from the counter and scribbled down a note. As quietly as we could in a creaky house, we slipped outside and into the car. Jared started the car and we zoomed away as fast as the little car could take us.

When I looked in the side mirror, I saw Jim and Jensen run out. Quickly they realized what we were doing and Jensen spun around in a circle angrily. Jim just looked blank. I looked away and at Jared who was looking in the rearview mirror. I could tell he looked torn leaving his two best friends behind.

"Thank you," I said sincerely.

Jared turned to me and smiled a little. His dimples appeared and I wondered what Erin would think if she were here. She literally was in love with him and his dimples.

"So where to, oh-mystical one?" Jared asked, looking back at the road.

I called out to Sheri like she told me and a couple seconds later she appeared in the back seat. She got the hint of what was going on and told me where to go.

* * *

Right after sundown, we arrived at his apartment complex. Sheri couldn't stop moving around in the backseat out of anticipation, but since she was a ghost she made no noise.

"He's in there," Sheri said, looking at the second floor. "Let's get him," she said it with such anger it scared me.

Before she could fade away, I called to her, "Wait for a second Sheri." She stopped moving and looked at me. "We're not going to kill him."

"Why not?"

I looked at Jared but of course, he had no idea what was going on. He had his little confused puppy dog look on his face. I looked back at Sheri and said, "If we kill him, we're no better than him. _We'd_ be the murderers."

Sheri clenched her jaw. " _He_ killed _me!_ 'An eye for an eye'! He deserves to die!"

I sighed and turned to Jared to fill him in. Maybe he could say something to cool her off. I was right.

"Yeah, we're not gonna kill him," he agreed, "I'm kinda a celebrity. I can't have that hanging over my head."

Sheri rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. I didn't realize until then that she looked good. And by good, I mean not the way she was supposed to look. Ghosts were supposed to look transparent and like they just walked out of their grave. But she looked almost whole and healthy. I couldn't remember really well, but I could have sworn her stab wound looked pretty much healed and her skin had grown a little color back.

"So then what did you two come out here for?" she asked.

"We've got a plan," I comforted. Jared and I had discussed it on the car ride and I knew Sheri had listened in but hadn't really paid attention.

"Yeah, I heard it. It's a horrible idea," she replied.

I shrugged. "Better than murder."

For the night we found the world's cheapest motel – I literally paid with cash. We walked into our room and I wanted to jump on the bed right away but I resisted. I would probably catch an STD, that's how gross this place was. Jared threw down the car and motel keys.

"Home sweet home," he sighed. He turned to me and said, "We better get some sleep. It's gonna be a big day tomorrow."

"Easy for you to say," Sheri said. "I wouldn't be able to sleep even if I _was_ alive."

As grossed out at the room as I was, it was surprising how fast I fell asleep. A couple times I woke up in the middle of the night to Jared's dinosaur snore. It was like a leaf blower it was so loud. Sheri just stood in the corner of the room silently, smiling and waiting, since ghosts didn't sleep. There were a few other ghosts standing around but they were barely visible like how Sheri was at first. I knew, though, that if I gave them any indication that I could see them they would swarm like a bug to a light. So I just rolled back over and fell back asleep.

In the morning when I woke up, I heard the shower running and saw Jared's bed was empty. I got up, yawned, rubbed my eyes to wake them up, and walked over to the dresser where the keys lay. Jared had put his silver Rolex watch there and I looked at the time. It was only seven in the morning.

"Can we go yet?" Sheri appeared next to me and said.

I jumped and yelped a little. "God, don't do that!" I put my hand over my pounding heart. She'd scared the crap out of me.

"Can we, can we, can we?" she asked all excitedly like a little kid at Toys R Us.

I walked over to a bag of clothes and pulled out some for the day. "Calm down. Let Jared get out of the shower and then I'll go in. _Then_ we can go, okay?"

Sheri sighed but I could tell she was still excited. I threw my clothes on the bed and Sheri said, "You know what today means, right?"

I sat on the edge of the bed and shrugged. She continued, "If everything goes as planned, then in just _days_ I'll get to move on." She smiled.

Pretty soon Jared got out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist, his muscles gleaming from the water.

"If I were alive I'd–" Sheri started in a dreamy tone, staring at him.

I cut her off and said, "Alright, my turn."

I scooped up all my stuff and ran into the bathroom.

The shower was cold and Jared had used up most of the complimentary smelly shampoo and conditioner, but it felt good to feel my worries and anxiety float down the drain. I was washing away all the badness of the last few days. It felt great.

When everything was all set and ready, all three of us headed out back to Richard's place. We parked on the other side of the street, next to an abandoned park. We looked up at his window. No movement.

"Sheri?" I said.

She nodded and replied, "On it." She poofed away and I turned back towards the front. I was jumping my leg up and down I was so nervous. Jared was tapping his thumb against the steering wheel.

While we were waiting, I decided to ask a question that had been bugging me for a while. "Aren't you supposed to be, like, filming?"

Jared turned to me. "Everyone in the studio knows the truth about what's really out there and what's up with you. Believe me, Andy, this is a little more important than filming a TV show. Who knows what Lucifer will do if he escapes?"

"Do the angels know?" I asked cautiously.

Jared sighed and moved anxiously in his seat. I could only guess he disliked talking about it because of the catastrophe it caused yesterday. "They do know, yes, but with the angels… you never know what to expect from them."

I was going to say more but Sheri appeared and said, "It's all clear."

I gave Jared the nod to let him know. He looked at me and gave a half-hearted smile. "You ready?"

My heart was pounding and I was sweating despite the cold. Regardless of what I was feeling inside, I knew what this meant for Sheri. So I nodded and put on a brave face. "Let's do this."

Sheri knew where the spare key was and then we walked into Richard Marshall's apartment. It was surprisingly clean. I didn't know what to expect, but it wasn't this. No garbage, no dirt, no mess – nothing you would expect a murderer's house to look like. The furniture looked worn but other than that it was the cleanest place I'd been for a while.

"This is so weird," Jared said, stepping into the kitchen. I followed him. I knew what he meant. This place didn't even have the remote feeling of evil like I thought it would. It didn't feel like we were stepping into a murderer's home. It was like any normal person's apartment.

At least until Sheri told me to go into his room. Jared followed behind me, staying silent. I was afraid Richard would pop out at any second.

"Check behind the nightstand, inside the vent," Sheri instructed. I did as I was told. Jared took out his pocket knife's mini screwdriver to take off the vent. Taking the flashlight off from the nightstand, I peered inside.

Inside were a bunch of objects. A ring, a necklace, a glove, a shoe, an earring, and a few wallets.

"Are these from you?" I asked, turning to Sheri. She shook her head.

"Then who–" I said.

Sheri interrupted, "Look."

I grabbed a wallet and found a driver's license. It wasn't Sheri.

"Nicole Dötter," I stated. I glanced at Sheri, confused. Jared was just at mixed up as I was. Sheri just nodded to the objects again.

I peered in and pulled out another wallet. Another driver's license. "Elizabeth Arnold."

Inside I found three other wallets with three other licenses and three other names, all different women.

"What are these?" Jared asked.

Sheri sighed. "They're his victims."

I felt suddenly so sick. These items all belonged to someone. A woman. A mother. A wife, sister, cousin – and all of their lives were cut short because of Richard. We weren't dealing with just a murderer. We were dealing with a serial killer.

"That ring, right there?" Sheri said, kneeling and pointing into the vent. I grabbed the ring and held it in my palm. "That's my wedding ring." It was a thin gold band with diamonds circling around the whole piece.

I told Jared, "This was Sheri's."

Jared took out his cell phone and said anxiously, "Let's just get the pictures and get out of here." He snapped a few photos. "This is creepy."

"Oh, no, please, won't you stay?" someone said from behind us. When I turned, there was a man standing in the doorway. His clothes were all muddy and he was holding a shovel over his shoulder.

Before Sheri even said his name, I already knew who he was.

Richard Marshalls.


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized one of my chapters was posted TWICE, so here's an additional chapter for today. Happy Friday!

"You really shouldn't go through other peoples' things," Richard sneered. He lowered his shovel and turned to look at Jared. "Now, you look familiar…. Hmm… Ah, that's right. You're that actor from the TV show."

Both Jared and I were frozen speechless. Jared had faced killers before, but that was just a show. This was real life. There wasn't exactly a guide on what to do when confronted with a serial killer. I kept glancing at Richard's shovel. It was making me nervous. I was still holding Sheri's ring tightly in my fist.

"Run!" Sheri screamed at me. I jumped but did what I was told. I was too slow, though. Richard blocked my exit and grabbed me by my shoulders, dropping his shovel with a loud _CLANG_.

Then, as hard as he could, Richard shoved me against the doorframe. I heard a crack as my skull whacked against the wood.

"Andy!" I heard Jared scream and lunge forward. I slumped down to the ground, temporarily losing control of my legs.

Richard quickly lifted his shovel and swiftly smacked Jared in the head. Jared hit the ground with a massive thud.

Despite the fact that there were spots across my vision, I saw Jared's body land in a heap, the back of his head facing me. Richard stood over him, shovel at the ready in case Jared tried to get up. Richard kicked Jared in the stomach a few times. I could hear a few ribs crack. But Jared stayed unconscious.

 _Please stay down,_ I wished in my head.

But Jared didn't attempt to get up. He wasn't moving. I didn't think I could see him breathing.

 _Oh, God. No, no, no…Jared,_ I thought.

Richard raised the shovel at Jared again. The final blow.

I tried to shake away the spots in my eyes. Jared wasn't supposed to die. He had a wife, a TV show, a baby boy… I wouldn't allow him to become one of the mangled spirits I saw.

Just as Richard was about to bring down his weapon, I dropped Sheri's ring on the ground and I got up all my strength and jumped on Richard's back, screaming, "NO!"

Richard stumbled forward but didn't fall. Yelling, Richard backed up against a wall, once again ramming me on it. As if I wasn't already feeling like crap from the first time.

I couldn't hold on to Richard any longer. The black spots that had been in my vision and didn't go away just got bigger until they consumed everything. Everything went black and silent and cold for a few seconds.

Then I could feel myself being yanked up from the ground. When I opened my eyes, Richard's face was close to mine.

"You, little girl, are a pain in my ass," he said. I saw him pull something out of his pocket. It made a clicking noise.

Richard dropped me back on the ground, closer to Jared now. Jared still had not moved. When I focused back on Richard, I saw what he had pulled from his pocket. A switchblade.

My arms and legs couldn't cooperate. I felt like I was drunk. Everything was spinning and moving in slow motion.

Sheri was standing a couple feet behind Richard. She looked so helpless. She wanted to help me so badly. She didn't want to see Richard take a piece of me and add it to his sick collection. One step forward and twenty steps back.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered.

Richard pointed the knife at me. "Who sent you?"

I couldn't speak. My tongue was too thick. Richard grew even angrier and pressed the knife against my throat. He yelled louder now, "Who. Sent. You?"

I could only shake my head. Sheri started to look furious, looking at Richard kneeling in front of me.

"Tell him," she said, "Tell him I sent you. Tell him that soon the whole world will know what a disgusting, sadist pig he is. Tell him."

I cleared my throat. The knife was pressed so hard against me. "Sheri. Sheri sent me."

That threw him off. He loosened his grip for a second, but then he was back, narrowing his eyes at me skeptically. "Is this some kind of joke, little girl? I'm not laughing."

This really pissed Sheri off. She started huffing. I guessed she was emitting so much energy that some of it started seeping into me because within a split second I felt just as pissed off.

"Neither am I," I said, feeling a little better and braver. "You killed her, Richard. She had a husband and two kids. She was someone's _mother_! Not to mention the other dozen women you gruesomely murdered. They had _friends. Families. Lives_. And thanks to you, it was all cut short because of your sick passion."

"SHUT UP!" Richard boomed. "How do you know my name? How?" He shoved me against the wall again.

I looked him directly into his eyes and repeated, "Sheri. Sent. Me."

"Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!" Richard screamed. That was the last straw for him. He removed the knife from my neck, but before I could get my hopes up, he drove it forward, into my stomach.

Gaining temporary control of my arms, I grabbed the hilt of the knife. I gasped and looked down at it protruding from me. The knife was completely inside of me. I couldn't even begin to describe my pain, it was so immense. It was like being stung by a thousand of the world's biggest bees… only worse.

"NO!" Sheri shrieked. She raised her arm high and brought it down hard and quick. It took me a second to realize she'd punched him in the head. And that her hand didn't go right through him.

There was a solid knocking noise as her fist met his skull, and he fell to the side, letting go of the knife. He spun around to see who'd done that, but of course, all he could see was Jared's unconscious body.

That was my opening. This was my one chance to do what I'd come here for. Despite the fact that I had a knife lodged inside me, I leaped forward and punched him as hard as I could. And I kept going. He tried to fight back but he had no weapon now. I knew that I was going to die now, that was just a matter of minutes. Lucifer was going to be set free. But I had to do this one thing first. I'd promised.

After a dozen hits to his face, I finally felt like I only had a little energy left. Now or never. My hits started to get a little weaker. I stood up and looked down at him. I wavered a bit as I stood.

"Please," he begged, "Please stop." He was covering his bloody face.

I didn't have the energy to speak. So I raised my leg and kicked him in the jaw. His head flew back and he didn't move again. I fell down to the ground, exhausted, wanting to sleep but knew I had just one more thing to do.

I dragged myself over to Jared and searched his pockets for his phone. I finally found it and dialed 9-1-1 with my shaking, bloody fingers.

"9-1-1, what's your emergency?" the man on the other end said calmly.

I didn't know how much time I had left, but by my dizziness and nauseous-ness, I guessed I didn't have long. I doubted I would still be alive when the ambulance got there. But I had to save Jared and deal with Richard.

I quickly filled the operator in and gave them the address. I said everything so quickly and slurred I was surprised he understood what I said. The man said that help was on the way.

I hung up and lay down on the floor. I let out a sigh of relief. I'd finally done it. Sheri had gotten what she needed to pass on.

Jared was lying next to me. I wanted to shake him and wake him up. I wanted to tell him that everything had worked out. I wanted him to tell Jensen and Jim how sorry I was for failing them. Because of my ignorance, the whole world was going to pay.

The last thing I saw before I closed my eyes was Sheri looking at her hands in shock.

* * *

_Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep._

It was the first thing I heard.

When I opened my eyes a little, I saw a clock on the wall. _Tick, tick, tick_ , went the seconds. Everything around me was white. The ceiling, the blinds over the windows, the walls, the floor, and even the chairs.

On one of the chairs, I saw someone. My vision was blurry so I had to blink a couple times. His head was rolled back, his hands were in his pockets, and he was wearing a baggy sweatshirt, jeans, and cowboy boots. But I knew who he was.

"Jensen," I whispered. Just using those muscles to speak hurt tremendously, but soon the pains were gone.

Somehow, though, he heard me. He snapped his head up and winced. He cracked his neck and stretched out a bit. Then he glanced at me and saw I was awake.

"Oh, thank God," he said, leaping up and walking over. Distress was all over his face. "You're awake."

"How's Jared?" I said as softly as I could, but it still hurt like a bitch. I grimaced a bit.

"Jared's fine. Couple broken ribs, scratches, and bruises, but nothin' that'll take that big guy down permanently." Jensen smiled.

"You're not mad?" His personality didn't fit with the last image I had of him – pissed.

He boldly reached out and grabbed my hand. I could hear my heart monitor start to beep faster. Jensen chuckled and said, "I'm happy you're _alive_. The doctor's said you lost so much blood; they were surprised you managed to hold on. One even said it was like an angel was watching over you."

Now it was my turn to smile. "I couldn't let you and Jim live in a world ruled by Lucifer, now could I?" I laughed weakly and instantly regretted it. I scowled again.

Jensen's smile disappeared and he said, "How are you feeling? Does it hurt? The doctor's said the blood transfusions could cause some nausea." He glanced down at my abdomen then back up at me.

"It hurts like a bitch," I replied.

Jensen sighed, "Yeah, well, what you did was stupid."

I rolled my eyes. "Here we go."

With his other hand, Jensen put it on my cheek and made me look at him. "It was stupid but incredible."

I raised an eyebrow. "Incredible?"

Jensen didn't take either of his hands away, and it made me feel about ten times better. "Incredible, inspiring, remarkable – take your pick. It's kind of amazing what you'll do to help others, Andy."

I grinned. "Thanks."

"Don't let your head get too big, though." Jensen leaned down and gingerly kissed the top of my head. He stayed there for a few seconds, and then backed away and looked me in the eyes. "But don't you dare do it again, okay?"

I nodded. "Agreed."

"Good."

I sighed and looked around. "So how long until I'm out of here?"

Jensen looked at me in amazement. "Andy, you were seconds away from death and you suffered a near-fatal wound. You're going to be glued to this bed for a while."

I growled. "Awesome."

"And what about Sheri?"

I didn't notice until then that she was standing in the corner. She stepped forward into the light. I sighed, a little let down. "She's still here." She looked as disappointed as me.

"Hey," she said shyly.

"What happened after I fell under?"

Sheri sighed. "The police and ambulance arrived. The EMTs came and took you, Jared, and Richard away. Then the police looked inside the vent like you told them and saw everything. I didn't stay long to see what happened though. I wanted to make sure you were alright."

I nodded. "Oh, I'm fantastic," I said sarcastically. "And what about your wedding ring? Did they see it?" I asked, remembering I dropped it.

She shrugged. "Like I said, I didn't stick around very long."

My heart fell. The police may have found the evidence they needed for the other dozen of women, but not the one that mattered the most to me. I failed.

"Well, maybe they got it," I lied for her sake. "They're very thorough."

Sheri nodded half-heartedly. She could see I was lying.

Then I remembered her nailing Richard in the head. That shouldn't be possible. Ghosts were just orbs of energy. They aren't a solid object. "Sheri, when you hit Richard… how did you do that?"

Jensen butted in, "Wait, she did what? She _hit_ him?"

Sheri looked down at her hands as if they weren't hers anymore. "I don't know what I did, to be honest. I tried to do it again–" she tried to move a chair but her hand went right through as usual. "–but everything's still the same. All I remember was that I was furious."

I repeated back the series of events to fill in Jensen from the whole day. When I mentioned what Sheri had done to Richard, Jensen furrowed his eyebrows, thinking.

Of course, he had an answer for it. He said, "Maybe her anger drew energy from the objects in the room and made her manifest as an actual object for a split second. That would involve a _lot_ of energy, though."

"Could she have drawn energy from a living thing? Say, like, me?" I asked.

He thought for a moment then shrugged. "Potentially."

Sheri got a little red in the face – which shouldn't happen to a ghost – and said, "All I know is that I _touched_ him. I could _feel_ him and hurt him." She smiled a little.

"I owe you my life, Sheri," I said sincerely, "If you hadn't done that, I don't think I'd be alive right now. Nor would Jared."

She got redder. "Just make sure Richard's found guilty and we're even."

"Deal," I said, and then turned to Jensen. "So who exactly am I?"

That question threw him off. "Uh… what?"

"I'm guessing you didn't tell the doctors who I really was. So who did you say I was?"

He looked relieved. He'd probably thought I had memory loss or something. "I didn't say anything. Currently to them, you are a Jane Doe. My story for being here though is I heard Jared got into a situation, saw you, and now here I am."

I grinned. "Well, aren't I lucky?"

He looked down at my wound again. "Maybe not so much. Plus you gotta come up with an ID. Police are going to wonder just what exactly went down and why you were with Jared."

I pouted. "You can't just think of something for me?" My mind was befuddled by all the drugs in my system. I was lucky if I remembered what happened.

Jensen laughed and patted my hand. "Oh, Andy. You dug yourself this hole, and you gotta climb out of it. Besides, half your story is already told – you won the weekend with us."

"Yeah, and that was over a week ago," I complained. At least, I thought it was a week. I'd lost track of time. "What am I supposed to say about now?"

He shrugged. "Whatever it is, make it realistic. No demons or ghosts, got it? I have to go see Jared now and tell him you're alright. I'll see you in an hour or so, okay?"

As I nodded, Jensen came down and pecked me on the lips for a brief second. My heart monitor went crazy. Then he stood straight and walked out of the room.


	7. Chapter Seven

For the next couple of days, I was in and out of sleep. Jensen was almost always in the room with me. Jim came in a couple times to scold me and explain what could have and almost did happen a million times. But he always ended by saying how happy he was that I was alive and he'd hug me before he'd leave.

Two days after I'd woken up in the hospital, Jared walked in with his wife, Genevieve. I'd gotten the strength to sit up now.

"Oh thank God, Andy," he breathed of relief. He walked quickly to me and grabbed me into a giant bear hug. Obviously, his ribs didn't hurt too much. Gen stayed behind.

"Ow," I whispered into his ear.

He stepped back and said, "Oh, sorry." He turned a little pink.

"It's all good," I said smiling.

He cleared his throat awkwardly. "I, uh, wanted to come and say thank you. You saved my life. Jensen told me what you did. So, thank you."

Now _I_ could feel myself getting red. "Oh, well, you're welcome. I just couldn't let you go out like that, you know?" I nodded to Gen. "You've got a wife and a son, Jared."

Jared had a few bruises on his face and a nasty cut on his nose, but other than that he seemed fine.

"So what was the story you told the docs? I figure since I was there and I probably have some role in it, I should be kept up to date."

I said to him exactly what I said to the police and the doctors. The weekend I won was so much fun that Jared and I had decided to spend more time together. While out and about, we found a note from a woman named Sheri saying Richard Marshalls was a serial killer. It gave his address, too. The best part was that it could all be believed. Sheri's job before she died was an investigator. Guiding my hand, she and I wrote the note on a small piece of paper Jensen got. Days before her murder, Sheri found out who the serial killer of all the women was, and that was why Richard had killed her in the first place. Sheri had gotten the impression soon that the roles had been flipped – she was now the hunted instead of the hunter. Sheri, of course, never actually wrote a note and I couldn't tell the cops I knew all this because it would seem too suspicious.

"And why didn't we metaphorically call the cops after we found the note?" Jared then asked.

I shrugged. "Call it curiosity. If we handed over the note, we would never know if what we read was true or not."

Jared laughed sarcastically. "So we decided to be our own investigative team?"

I smiled. "Tada!"

"Well, it is creative, I'll give you that," he said.

I looked over at Sheri in the corner. She had become increasingly quiet ever since she found out she wasn't moving on like she'd thought. "I'm not the only one who thought of the brilliant ideas."

Sheri smiled timidly. "Thanks."

Genevieve cleared her throat in the doorway. "Jared? The doctor's said you could leave, but you still had to rest. The girl also has to rest. We should get going."

I wanted to protest. I'd rested enough. I'd probably slept for over 24 hours in the past two days. But Jared had spent enough time away from his family. He looked back at me. I could tell what he was thinking and I said, "Yeah, don't worry; I'll be fine."

"Thanks again," he said, giving me a reassuring smile. Jared turned away and walked out. Genevieve put her arm around her husband and they walked away.

The next day I was feeling great. My stomach wasn't hurting all that much and Jensen came at noon with food.

"Thank God," I said. "I'm dying for real food. The pudding here tastes like watered down crap."

He dropped the bag of Taco Bell on the bed and brought over a chair and sat down.

"I brought you something else, too," he said, reaching into his pocket and pulling something out. He dropped it into my hand.

When I looked down I saw a gold ring. I picked it up and looked at it. It seemed familiar. It was a thin gold band with tiny diamonds lining the outer part of it.

"Sheri's ring," I stated.

"My ring?" Sheri propped up and walked over. "Why would he take this? It's evidence."

Jensen was thinking the same thing apparently because he said, "The police have done everything they can with the ring. It would just be packed into a box and put away for all of eternity."

"What am I supposed to do with it?" I asked, fingering it.

Jensen shrugged. "Anything. I thought maybe keep it as a memento."

I shook my head. "This is wrong. This is stealing from the police!"

"They'll never know it's gone, okay? Calm down. Just take it."

"How did you even get this?" I asked cautiously.

He smiled slyly. "That's for me to know."

I placed the ring on the nightstand. "Well, thanks, I guess." Sheri walked closer and went to pick up the ring, but her hand went right through it. Before I could even tell what she was thinking, she poofed away.

Jensen started digging into his burrito while I got to thinking. An idea began to form in my mind.

That evening, Jensen had left to go play cards with Jim somewhere. I was sitting up in bed, anxious and twirling Sheri's ring in my hand. I had no idea if this plan would work, but it was the only thing I could think of.

I knew he would be here any minute, so I called out Sheri's name to get her here. It took a couple seconds, but she eventually started to form next to my bed.

"Yes?" she said in a melancholy voice. She had given up trying to move on, I could see that. All hope of ever finding peace was gone.

I didn't know if it was fate or coincidence but that second, I heard someone knocking at the door. I looked over and he was there, looking confused. Sheri looked over, too, and gasped.

"Are you Andy Watson?" he asked. I nodded.

"Come in," I said pleasantly. He didn't budge.

"You're the one that found Richard, aren't you?"

I half-smiled. "That's me."

His eyes began to water and his lower lip quivered. He walked in, slowly at first, and then practically ran to my bed. He grabbed me with a tight hug. The pain flared up but I didn't say anything.

"Thank you. Thank you so much," he whispered in my ear. He backed away and wiped a tear from his eye.

"I have something for you," I said. I reached to the nightstand and grabbed the ring. Sheri watched in silence as I gave him her ring.

More tears fell from his eyes when he saw what it was. He knew immediately. "My wife's ring," he blubbered. He looked up at me. His face was red.

"The police were done looking at it," I said, "I thought you might want it back."

"Thank you," both he and Sheri said at the same time. I quickly glanced at Sheri and saw she was crying, too.

To both of them, I said, "I think it will give you some peace of mind finally."

Tim, Sheri's husband, sniffled and wiped his wet cheeks. "I've been told the cops have enough evidence to lock Richard up for the rest of his life for over five counts of murder. You helped put peace in a lot of minds, Andy."

My heart fluttered. I never thought about getting Richard to be guilty on the other murders, just Sheri's. It was strange to think I helped over five families get the justice they've wanted and deserved for so long.

Sheri walked up to her husband. She was glowing. Literally. All around her was a yellow, gold-ish light. I stared in awe. She placed her hand on Tim's shoulder.

"I love you, Timmy. Please don't ever forget me," she said. Then she turned to me and added, "It's time." I looked at her, confused. Tim was too busy looking at the ring to see. She finally looked calm and she really smiled for the first time in days. "You did it, Andy, just like I knew you could. Granted it's not in the way I expected, but you did it all the same. You're a special girl, Andy. Don't let this gift you've been given go to waste. You have it in you to make a real change. I must go now but remember this moment. Remember how it made you feel to make a difference in peoples' lives."

Her smile grew and so did the light around her until it consumed her whole body. At the last moment, she reached out and touched my hand. And I could _feel_ her skin against mine. She was warm, not cold like the corpse she was when I first saw her. I had to look away the light was too bright. When I looked back again, she was gone.

* * *

"She is gone? Like, completely gone?" Jared asked. He and Jensen came in to visit me the next day. Jim was fetching a cup of coffee.

I nodded. "As much as I know, she's finally moved on. All she really needed was for her husband to be content."

Jensen leaned back in his chair. "That's… Wow."

"That's an understatement," I said.

All three of us became silent. It was still crazy to think I helped someone move on to Heaven, now that I knew it was real.

"So what now?" Jared asked, looking at us. I was as clueless as him.

Jensen spoke up. "I'll tell you what's next." He grabbed my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "We wait for Andy to heal up and give her time to reconnect with the friends and family she almost lost."

"What about Rachel?" Jared asked. I'd almost forgotten about her.

"If she contacts Andy, she'll call us, right?"

I nodded. "Sure thing. But do you think letting me go home is a good idea? I mean, like you've said a million times, demons are everywhere."

Jensen snorted. "Oh, _now_ you worry about that? You didn't seem to have a problem with that issue when you ran away with Jared."

Jim walked in now with his coffee. "What'd I miss?"

I sighed at Jensen and fought back, "That's different. Jared was with me at all times. He could have fought them. But me by myself?"

Jensen laughed and brought my hand to his lips and kissed my knuckles. I guess our relationship wasn't as exactly on the DL anymore. Then, he said, "You heal up and we'll worry about that after, okay?"

"I'm afraid that won't be very possible," came a familiar woman's voice.

I looked over and gasped. "Rachel."

"What?!" All three said at the same time. Rachel ignored them. She stepped closer to me.

"Rachel, you're back!" I exclaimed. I grinned.

But she didn't smile. Her face was serious. I knew something was wrong before she even said anything. I wish she hadn't said anything, too, to be honest.

"I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but this hospital is _infested_ with demons. You need to leave. Now."

* * *

Every tiny bump in the road made me want to punch a wall. Every little movement hurt, and even more so when the pain medication started wearing off. I kept my jaw clenched and my eyes shut.

"How are you doing, Andy?" Jim asked from the front seat. Jared was sitting passenger and Jensen was sitting next to me with his hand on my back, gently caressing me. I was hunched over with my forehead against the back of Jim's seat.

"Just. Hurry. Up," I muttered.

Jim hit a pothole and I groaned.

"Hey," Jensen said to the driver, "Ease up on the holes, 'kay?"

"I'm trying!" Jim answered.

"How about some music?" Jared chimed in.

All three of us responded with, "No!"

"Does Rachel know if we were followed?" Jensen asked me. Rachel was floating around the car.

"As disgusted as I am answering him, no, you weren't followed," she replied.

"We're all clear," I repeated back to Jensen.

There was another little bump in the road and my hand flew to my stomach, grabbing it tightly.

"We're almost there," Jensen told me for the billionth time.

"Yeah," I grumbled, "You said that a half hour ago." We'd been riding in the car for a good two hours now. I groaned. I felt horrible and I could feel sweat forming on my forehead.

"Jim, hurry up, she's not looking so good," Jensen said worriedly. I could feel Jim press a little harder on the gas.

It was another twenty minutes or so before he finally slowed down and turned up the drive to the old house. As quick as Jim and Jared could go, they jumped out of the car. Jensen got out, too, and ran to my side. "I got her," he said to Jim. Jared ran to the front door of the house and opened it. Jim nodded at Jensen and headed inside.

Jensen carefully scooped me into his arms and cradled my body against his. I groaned as he hefted me up to get a better hold on me.

"You made it this far," he said, walking towards the house, "Don't crap out on me now." I gripped tighter to his jacket.

He carried me up the steps and onto the couch in the living room. He set me down as carefully as he could. I heard Jared latch the door shut and lock it. Jim came back with a couple things in his hands – an IV bag and the silver pole to attach it.

"Where'd you get those?" I asked curiously. Jensen sat by my feet.

"Always gotta be prepared," Jim replied. "Hence why we call it a safe house." I nodded and winced as he jammed the needle into my arm. "That ought to do the trick."

Immediately I started to feel a little better and I relaxed a bit. Jensen sighed of relief. Everyone stayed standing around me, holding their breaths to make sure everything was okay. After a while, they each relaxed. Rachel stood off to the side.

"So did you complete what you needed to do?" I asked her. The three J's turned to look in the general direction I was looking at her. She kept her eyes focused on me.

"Yes," she answered. "I've found where the army is held. I've so much to tell you, Andy."


	8. Chapter Eight

Hours turned into days, days into weeks. Time seemed fluid – never stopping, never speeding up, just… there. Sometimes when I woke up it was dawn, other times it was the middle of the day. There was always motion in the dilapidated house. I could see Jim in the kitchen sometimes, sitting on a chair reading a weathered book. Jared often talked to Jensen in hushed whispers near the stairs. I knew they were talking about me, about their worry.

 _Inches_ , I'd heard Jensen say once. _She's inches to the other side, Jared. I can feel it._

 _She's going to make it_ , said Jared. It sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than he knew it was an actual fact.

Three days after arriving back at the house, I began to throw up. Not just a couple times – at least three times an hour, every hour. Jim had said my stab wound had gotten infected. We were miles and miles away from the nearest hospital, and they couldn't risk it anymore to get medication for me. No more pain killers, no more hallucination pill refills, no more antibacterial pills. Cold turkey.

My skin was hot to the touch, but I shivered, always feeling cold.

 _Her temperature has got to be at least at one-oh-three_ , Jim said feeling my forehead and cheeks. His voice sounded far away, muffled as if he was speaking through fabric.

Jensen usually just sat next to me, clutching my hand in his. _Don't you dare give in_ , he said, _Don't you dare._

Days passed. I wasn't sure how many. Maybe it was a week. Maybe two. When I dreamt, they were nightmares. Demons would swarm the house and slice Jensen's neck open, blood spurting out onto the ground in front of me. The world would grow dark as if all the happiness was sucked away. Then their black eyes would turn to me and I knew what they were thinking.

 _You're next_.

* * *

"Hungry," I muttered one day.

Jensen was sitting next to me as always. Jared and Jim were nowhere in the room. He looked up, shocked I'd spoken.

"You're awake," he said.

I nodded. "And hungry."

"Are you feeling okay?" he asked worriedly.

"Are you deaf?" I growled. "For the third time, I'm hungry."

Jensen sighed and got up. He walked away and I slowly began to sit up, wincing at the pain in my stomach. A few minutes later, Jensen came back with a slice of buttered toast. I was about to yell at him to give me something else, something with actual substance, but my stomach growling made me take the toast without a word. I took a bite and sighed once I got to chewing.

While I was, Jensen raised his hand to my forehead for a moment and smiled.

"Your fever's going down," he told me. "Good. And how do you feel?" he asked again.

I shrugged. "Like I've got a bad stomach cramp," I said through bites. Within moments, the toast was gone. "Where's everyone else?" I wiped my hands on the blanket in front of me.

"Jim went out for groceries and to see if he could steal some meds and Jared's upstairs probably asleep."

The guilt I'd felt for the past few days hung over me like a rain cloud. Ever since the whole Richard thing, I felt horrible for what happened to him. After all, it _was_ my fault that he nearly died.

"How is he?" I asked cautiously.

Jensen shook his head incredulously and let out a dry chuckle. "You nearly bleed to death, and then contract an infection and nearly die again, and you're worried about _Jared_?"

I sighed. "I almost got him killed Jensen. Humor me."

"He's…" he shook his head. "He's fine. His ribs are nearly healed."

I sighed. "Good."

"And Rachel? Is she here?"

I shook my head. "No. But, then again, she's not a fan of you, so I wouldn't expect her to stick around much with you guys here."

Jensen rubbed the back of his neck. "I don't understand what I did to make her hate me – us – so much. I mean, I get it with her whole background and everything, but…" He shook his head. "Whatever. She's dead, she's a ghost – doesn't matter to me."

Just as he said that she began to form at the end of the couch. Her face was furious with him. I almost burst out laughing if I wasn't in pain. Jensen saw my expression and his face drained of color.

"She's here now, isn't she?"

I smiled and nodded in her direction. "Hi, Rachel."

"Hello, Andy. Hello _swine_ ," said Rachel.

Jensen turned in her general direction and mumbled, "Sorry."

"She says hi," I told him.

"You look better," said Rachel, eyeing me up and down. She was perched on the armrest of the couch, her hands crossed over her lap. She was still wearing her normal blue jeans and white t-shirt, her bruises as clear as ever.

I turned back to Jensen and asked, "Do you think we could have a second alone? Rachel and I?"

He eyed me and the spot he thought Rachel was at. "Um," he said uncertainly.

"If I need anything I'll holler," I lied. If anything actually _did_ happen, I'd be in too much pain to scream.

Jensen sighed though and stood up. He squeezed my hand reassuringly and then walked away. Rachel took his place of sitting next to me.

"How are you?" she asked.

I shrugged. "Jensen said my fever's going away. I feel better. I'm actually conscious, which is a good start. What about you? You said you have news on the demons?"

Rachel looked over her shoulder to where Jensen was sitting in a chair in the kitchen, his back to us. Despite the fact he'd never be able to hear her, she leaned in close to me and whispered, "There's this… this _nest_ of them, right outside the town. They have pictures of you hanging all over the walls, along with maps and photos of you with some girl."

I immediately knew whom she was talking about. "Erin."

"That's not all though – I managed to stay there and stake them out for a few days. When one would leave, I would ride with them to see where they went." She sighed and leaned in even closer, nearly on top of me now. "Andy, there are dozens, maybe even hundreds of nests. All with the same layout."

I immediately began to feel sick again. They knew Erin. Were they targeting her? Was she alright? Had my story about Richard reached out to her?

"Jensen!" I hollered out, clutching my stomach as I did. He came racing over. Rachel moved out of the way to make room for him. I filled him in on what I knew and he nodded, soaking all this up.

"Good, good," he muttered. "Does she know the addresses?"

Rachel scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Do I know the addresses?" she mocked him. "Of course I do, I'm not an idiot."

I nodded to Jensen and he said, "Great. This is good… we can just stake-'em-and-take-'em."

I sighed. "Jensen, even if we did manage to kill all of them, there's always going to be more demons to follow up. There's no way we can do this forever. Even if we did kill every demon we ever encountered, I'd still die from old age."

Jensen's smile fell. "Looks like we've got time, then, to figure out another option."

I shook my head. "Seriously, Jensen? You won't even _consider_ the angel thing?"

"Angel thing?" inquired Rachel.

"No," said Jensen harshly. Well, that was that.

I passed over the addresses Rachel told me to Jensen since I was incapable of writing legibly. He wrote them down and immediately turned on the dialup Internet in the house to Google Map the places. There were some that were closer than others, and for time's sake and convenience, he decided those would be the first ones to take out.

When Jim came back and Jared woke up, Jensen took it upon himself to pass on the news while I took a nap.

When I woke up though, everyone was in the living room, even Rachel. Everyone was bent over the maps Jensen must have printed out and a few other maps I didn't recognize – they were blueprints of buildings.

"No, no, no," fought Jared, pointing to one blueprint, "You can't go in the front door! That's what they expect. Don't you think they'll have that place and all doors secured?"

Jensen groaned, "But going through the back is even _more_ obvious. It's called reverse psychology, Jared. The front door is where they'll _least_ suspect us."

"Shut up, both of you," groaned Jim. "God, you two give me a headache. What about this – what if we don't go through any of the doors? There are windows all over the place. Just break in through one of those."

"Or I could be bait," I spoke up. Feeling better, I decided to try to sit up. The boys, shocked, turned to me.

"Oh, you're awake," said Jared, letting out a sigh. "We were worried about you."

I nodded. "I know."

"Thank God you're awake," sighed Rachel, "These three have been bickering their heads off and you have no idea how it feels not to be able to slap them."

"Oh, I do," I told her and turned to them. By now, they were used to me talking to the air. "Use me as bait," I repeated, "They'll come slobbering up to me."

"That's insane," replied Jensen. "There's no way you'll be healthy enough to do that, and we are not putting in that kind of danger… _again_." At the last word, he glared at Jared.

"What's so bad about letting her do what she wants? She's a grown woman, Jensen. She has a mind for herself. Let her use it," said Jared in defense. "And it's not like we have to move _now_. We can wait until she's strong enough to do so."

"How do we know if we have that much time?" shouted Jensen. "How do we know the demons aren't right outside our door right now?"

Out of instinct, I looked towards the door, half-thinking they might actually be there. With my luck, they would be. But, thank God, they weren't. I turned back to them and rolled my eyes. "Jim?" I asked. He was the tiebreaker.

His eyes glanced from Jared to Jensen to me. He sighed and said, "You should be on your feet in a week. We'll decide what to do then, all right kiddo? Just rest easy until then."

"Now that that's settled…" Jared clapped his giant hands together. "Who's ready for dinner?"

The thought of actual food still made me gag a little, so I told him to make me some toast. While Jared and Jim got to making dinner, Jensen stayed with me. Rachel poofed away, saying she'd give us some time to talk.

"Why are you so bent on killing yourself?" asked Jensen painfully.

"Killing myself?" I gasped. "Jensen, that's the last thing I want to do. Doing this will _prevent_ that from happening."

"So, what, are you going to be the bait for every attack? Don't you think they'll catch on?"

"Don't you think they'll catch on that they're being killed one-by-one whether or not I'm the bait?" I responded.

That caught him off guard for a moment.

"If we just contact the angels–" I began.

Jensen groaned loudly. "Andy, for the last time, no."

"Jensen, I'm not an invalid. I have a mind. Like Jared said, I need to make my own decisions. You can't hold me down forever. One way or another, you're going to realize this is the only option."

Jensen just shook his head incredulously. "I can't believe you. You're so willing to just give up everything."

"This isn't giving up!" I exclaimed, clutching my throbbing stomach. I said quieter, "This is saving everyone. Me, you, Jared, Jim, the entire _world_."

He continued shaking his head. "We're going in circles," he said and looked down, "We're going in circles and not solving anything. Tell you what – we'll talk about it when you're healed, alright?"

I swallowed. Well, I'll take what I can get. I nodded, smiled, and accepted his kiss on the forehead as he left for the kitchen.

Seconds later, when I was alone, Rachel reappeared.

"You know," I told her quietly so the others wouldn't overhear, "I'm completely off the hallucination medication, yet I haven't seen any more ghosts." I looked around me as if confirming it. There were none in the corners, sobbing or yelling for help.

"I told them to stay away," said Rachel.

"You what?"

She shrugged and sat down on the withering coffee table. "After the hospital, I told them all to leave you alone. There was no way I was going to let another one convince you to risk your life so they could pass on. You're too important."

I sighed. I wanted to yell at her like I had Jensen. Why did everyone think I was so delicate? I had survived thus far, did that not count for anything?

But I was too weak and too tired to yell at her. I just nodded and said, "Thanks."

"I'll let you rest," she said, standing again. "I'll go back to the nests to check on them. Maybe there's still something I've missed."

"I'll be here," I told her, lying back again, my eyes already shutting.


	9. Chapter Nine

A week later, just as Jim predicted, I was on my feet. Granted, it was only for about ten minutes at a time before I had to sit down from feeling dizzy, I was standing nonetheless. Every hour or so, I would get up and manage to walk around once downstairs. I hadn't managed stairs yet. The three guys all watched me, jumping at me the moment they saw me waver, but I would push them away.

As a congratulatory dinner, Jim went out to the local market (which wasn't very local, but it was closer to us and far, far away from demons) and bought a couple steaks, corn, and potatoes. I had started eating more than toast about three days after I woke up and they were bickering about the maps. Now I was back to eating normal meals at normal times, without the gag reflex feeling when looking at it. Rachel would come and check in every so often, but she was usually gone to observe more of the nests. There was really nothing new to report anymore though.

At least until the congratulatory dinner. She came in and I smiled and waved her over.

"Hey, Rachel come on over. We're having dinner," I said. I couldn't have felt happier at that moment. Jensen was holding my hand under the table, Jared was eyeing the food madly and Jim was busy finishing it up.

"It's Erin," she said. It wasn't until then that I noticed the frantic look on her face.

I could literally feel my face drain of all color. Erin.

"What about her?" I asked slowly. I didn't even think about saying it – it was like an unconscious part of my mind suddenly took over. The rest of me shut down.

The guys all looked at me, knowing something was wrong. Everyone stopped what they were doing. Jensen squeezed my hand a little tighter.

"They had been talking about taking something for some time but I never really saw any real plan so I didn't think much of it to tell you guys but then I saw it tonight and… Andy, they're planning to kidnap Erin."

I wanted to throw up again. Suddenly the steaks and potatoes didn't smell so good. Again, the unconscious part of my mind took over and managed me to whisper, "No."

It took me a while to wake up from this feeling, but I was brought back by Jensen suddenly smashing his face down onto mine, kissing me hard.

When he withdrew, he saw I was with him again. "What's going on?" he asked me softly.

"They're going to take Erin," I managed to reply. My head was swimming from this recent information and his kiss.

"When? Where? How?" Everyone was firing questions at me. I turned to Rachel, searching for answers as well.

"Did you see the plans?" I asked.

She shook her head. "I only know when it's going to happen – tonight."

"Tonight?!" I gasped.

I turned to Jensen. "We have to get her. Now."

Jensen nodded to me and told Jim to start his car. When Jensen turned to me again, he said softly, "We're going to get her. She's going to be fine." And I believed him. It was all I could do to keep from falling apart.

* * *

Jensen helped me into a new pair of clothes and wrapped me in, not one, but two jackets. The process was slow which angered me. I was in so much pain, but I wanted – _needed_ – to get to Erin. Now.

When we got into Jim's car, the sun was setting. I still felt nauseous, but I tried not to focus too much on what _could_ happen if we didn't get there in time. We were a few hours from home, but I had the idea in my mind that we would get to her house in time and we would save her.

Jensen kept whispering in my ear that we were going to get to her in time and that she was going to be okay. Everything was going to be okay. And I continued believing it. I had to. Jared handed Jensen and me a gun, just in case. I had been taught the basics in their version of "training" when I first arrived. Of course, I had never shot one, but it couldn't be too difficult, right?

"So what's the plan?" I said surprisingly calm. We didn't say anything before we left.

"How long do you think you'll be able to stand?" asked Jared, turning around.

I shrugged. "With this adrenaline, I can probably stand a good fifteen minutes no problem."

He nodded. "Good. You need to go into the house and persuade her to come with you. Say whatever you need to, but get her out _fast_."

"What about you guys?" I asked glancing around.

"We can't go in," said Jared, "She'll be too shocked to see us. We can't waste time. We need to get her and leave as quickly as possible. We don't know how close the demons are. We'll be outside guarding."

I nodded and leaned back in the seat. May as well store up as much energy as I could before risking my friend's life as well as my own… yet again.

When we pulled up to Erin's house, the place looked completely empty. There was no car in the driveway, nor lights in her windows. Everything was eerily silent.

"You ready?" asked Jensen, turning to me.

I nodded quickly. He kissed my forehead and helped me out of the car. He was immediately scanning the environment for dangers, but everything was still silent.

I sucked in air the moment I had to stand. There was a pain, still, in my stomach, but I had to push through and think about Erin.

Without wasting time, I raced towards her door as fast as I could and rang the doorbell. Every two seconds I would ring it, but I heard nothing from the inside. I began to bang on her door, calling her name out.

Two minutes passed, and still, there was nothing from inside. I walked around to the window that opened to her living room, hoping to see something, anything. Of course, she could be at work, but then I remembered it was Saturday, and she never worked Saturdays.

My fear was confirmed when I got a peek through her blinds and saw everything was a mess inside.

"NO!" I screamed.

I ran back to the front door and, with my new revived energy, started bashing myself into the door, trying to bust it open.

"Andy – Andy!" Jensen and Jared came running up. I was so close to breaking down but I refused to give up. If Erin was hurt – or worse, taken – I don't know if I could ever forgive myself. This was all because of _me_. Lucifer wanted _me_ , and he knew the way to get me was to take my friend.

"Stop!" yelled Jensen, grabbing me around the waist. "You'll break your stitches – stop!"

I was still fighting against him. Jared had taken my place, trying to break the door down. He winced every time he hit the door. His ribs. Oh god, the guilt just got worse. If he broke another one, it would be on me. Again.

Finally – _finally_ – Jared got the door lock to break, and the door came swinging open. He stumbled in after it a little but managed to catch himself from falling.

Jensen, still holding me, walked inside with me, and we all fell silent. The place was a mess. If I knew anything about Erin, I knew she would never have left her house in this way.

Couch cushions were littering the floor, trash bins were knocked over, her glass coffee table was broken, lamps were sprawled across the floor, her TV screen was smashed and on the floor and… blood.

I almost fainted when I saw the red splatters on the wall.

"Oh, no, no, no," I whispered, my voice breaking. I almost went limp in Jensen's arms.

Jared, clutching his ribs, went to check out the rest of the house.

Jensen helped me sit on a clean space of ground, and turned me away from the chaos of the room. He looked down at his hands, seeing my blood on them, and glanced up at me.

"Your stitches broke," he said stupidly. I couldn't help but laugh. Out of everything he could have said at that moment, he said that. But from the laughing came the tears. Jensen wiped his bloodied hands on his jeans and wrapped me in a hug. "We'll get her," he said soothingly, "She'll be fine, don't worry."

Jared came back and said softly, "The rest of the house in untouched. It looks like they were only here."

"We need to get out of here," said Jensen, "They might come back. We can't be here when they do."

Jensen scooped me into his arms, not allowing me to walk myself out with my stitches broken as if I would bleed out. I didn't fight him though. My energy from earlier was completely depleted now.

Back in the car, Jensen laid me on my back and put my head in his lap. We quickly left Erin's house and headed straight back to the safe house.

* * *

I sunk my teeth into the pillow to refrain from screaming while Jim patched up my stitches again. With no pain or numbing medication still, I was doing this cold turkey.

After he was finished, he lightly dabbed the blood off my skin and went to wash his own. Jensen came next to me and clutched my hand.

He whispered to me again, "Erin's going to be okay. Rachel's looking for her right now, right? So we just wait for her to come back and we'll head straight to her. We're not going to let them get away with this."

"How's Jared?" I asked.

Jensen shook his head. "You're always so concerned about everyone else Andy…"

"If he's hurt, it's my fault! And if Erin's…" I trailed off, unable to say anything else.

"Shh," Jensen soothed, petting down my hair. His warm hands felt so good against my cold skin. "She's going to be fine, and so is Jared. He's a bit bruised up from hitting the door, but Jim said he'd be okay, alright? So everything is fine and you have nothing to worry about."

I wanted to protest, saying I had _everything_ to worry about, but I knew it would just turn into an argument I really didn't want to have.

"Just get some rest. Hopefully, we'll know by tomorrow where Erin is."

"I don't think I can sleep," I told him, gripping his hand tighter. "If Erin's in their grasp, I just… I can't sleep, Jensen."

He sighed and came onto the couch next to me, holding me tight in his arms. I was a bit surprised that both of us could fit in such a small space.

"Everything will be fine," he said, "I promise you."

"Pinky?" I said, holding out my hand.

He chuckled and grasped my pinky in his. "I promise."

We were silent for a long time, and no matter how hard I tried to fall asleep, the darkness never came for me. Maybe it was a good thing – I didn't want to have nightmares about Erin. By Jensen's even breathing, I could tell he hadn't fallen asleep either, even though his eyes were closed. The entire house was silent – Jared was probably upstairs sleeping and Jim had left a moment ago to do the same.

"Jensen?" I whispered.

"Mmm?" he mumbled.

"I… I have to ask you a question. And you have to promise not to get angry, okay?"

He turned his head to me and blinked away the exhaustion in his eyes.

"Okay…" he said tentatively.

"And you can't just write it off," I added.

"Alright, alright – what's up?"

I swallowed before asking, "Why are you so against the angel thing?"

I could hear him let out a long, deep breath.

"Andy…"

"You said you'd answer," I reminded him.

I pursed his lips together, sighed again, and sat up, swinging his legs off the couch, turning his back to me. I thought for a moment he was going to go back on what he'd said and just walk away, but he didn't move. He was just… quiet.

"It was almost ten years ago," he said so quietly I wasn't even sure if he'd actually spoken, "Right in the beginning of filming. I had a girlfriend. Caitlin. She and I had been dating for a long time – almost four years. After season one wrapped, I was going to propose to her. I had the ring and the idea all ready…" he trailed off, his voice almost becoming painful. I rested my hand on his arm to try to comfort him into continuing.

"The night I was going to propose… She got attacked. She was mugged on her walk home from the store. I got a call from the hospital, and I rushed over there. They wouldn't let me see her, though, and I couldn't understand why. After all, they had _called_ me and told me to come. And so I sat and waited… and waited… and waited… until finally a doctor came to me and said that she was all right, but she had some serious brain damage and had to be put into a medically-induced coma. I was so relieved because I knew she was going to be okay. I went to see her and she…" He shook his head and wiped his eyes. "She was so beat up. Her eye was swelled over twice its size and sewn shut. She had cuts and bruises all over her skin, but even then she was so beautiful to me."

I felt as though I shouldn't be hearing this. He spoke so beautifully about her. A girl could only ever hope for a guy to talk about her like that to someone. At the same time, though, I felt a little jealous. I mean, here we were – somewhat in a relationship – and he was talking about another girl. I pushed that away and continued to listen.

"I found out a while later, that she had actually died a couple times on the way to the hospital, but they managed to bring her back each time. I had never been so grateful to God in my life, for bringing her back.

"A few weeks later, she woke up. The second she opened her eyes, I pulled the ring out of my pocket and held it in front of her. I slipped it onto her ring finger, and I have never seen someone so happy in my life. _I_ thought I could never be happier. I thought then that we were going to be okay, that we were going to get through this.

"She had some memory and speech problems, but with the physical and speech therapy, she got through it. Sometimes at night, I would wake up, hearing her cry. She would tell me she didn't know where she was, or who I was, but slowly it would all come back to her.

"And then she told me about the hallucinations. She was scared to tell me because she didn't want to worry me even more. Back then, I honestly thought they were hallucinations – not ghosts. A part of me refused to believe that."

He stopped for a few moments, and I winced as I sat up on the couch. I moved my hand to his shoulder and leaned in closer.

"What does this have to do with the angels, Jensen?"

He swallowed and continued without meeting my eyes, "About a year later, she stopped taking her medications. She let the hallucinations come and didn't even say anything. One night when I came home for a few days, she told me someone came and visited her. They said they could stop all the hallucinations and headaches and memory loss. I was confused – who could have the power to do that? She told me an angel had come."

He shook his head again. "She said they would take her, and she was willing. How could she be so willing to leave me, us, and everything behind? We had a wedding coming up. We both wanted kids – what could have made her change her mind? Then she told me that she was a piece of a puzzle – like you – to unlocking Lucifer's cage. If the angels didn't take her, he would break free.

"A few nights later, the angel came back for her final verdict. That was the first time I had ever met any supernatural thing. He repeated mostly everything she had already told me – that if she didn't come, and she died naturally, then she would immediately go to Hell, and become a piece to opening Lucifer's cage. Turns out, the longer the person is alive again, the more precious their soul is to him. That's why they needed her then, and not when she was growing old with me.

"What I didn't know, was that she'd already made up her mind without me. She told the angel she was willing to go, and the next thing I knew, she was gone."

"Jensen…" I said after a long time.

He answered by moving further away from me. It was only a few inches, but it felt like miles.

"I had never felt so crushed, so broken, in my life. I couldn't function. And so I promised then that I would never let that happen again. The angels had taken the one thing in my life that made me truly happy. I've tried contacting them since then but they never reply. We could have lived a long, happy life together before they took her."

I took his hand suddenly in mine. "Jensen, I'm so sorry," I said softly. I gave his hand a squeeze. I really didn't know what else to say. I didn't think it was my place.

"And now…" he started.

I was silent while I waited for him to speak, but he didn't. "And now what?"

He looked at me intensely. "Now I feel like the cycle is starting all over again. With you."

I gulped. I didn't want to cause him pain. I liked Jensen, a lot. It was the last thing in my life I wanted to do. So I took a breath and told him, "I'll drop the angel thing, okay? Not a word more."

He cupped my face. "Thank you, Andy. You mean too much to me to lose you so quickly." I pressed my forehead against his. "And Andy? We're going to find Erin. I know it."

My lips trembled, just at the thought of what they could possibly be doing to her. I wanted to believe him, I honestly did. I don't know what I would do if anything happened to her, just because they wanted me.

The demons were winning. And they knew that. We knew that. They were always a step ahead of us.

Jensen and I laid back down on the couch for the rest of the night since I still couldn't quite master the stairs. He fell asleep relatively quickly, but I was awake almost the whole night.


	10. Chapter Ten

The next day there was still no word from Rachel. I was anxious – more anxious than I had been in my life. I wasn't even this worried before barging into Richard's apartment. Every thought centered on Erin and what the demons could possibly be doing to her. It almost made me nauseous.

 _Please let everything be alright…_ I begged to whoever would listen.

While Jensen was off with Jim doing who-knows-what, I went outside to where Jared was talking on his phone. There were no cell towers in sight, so I was surprised he could actually get any signal.

"No – that's…. that's not what I'm saying… Gen! Would you please just–…. Look, I'm doing the best I can here, okay?"

I stuffed my hands into my coat's pocket. Fall was approaching faster and faster every day. Leaves sprinkled the ground around me and the grass was turning a dismal brown from lack of sunlight and rain.

"I _understand_ that," he continued on the phone. He glanced and saw me and held a finger up to tell me to wait. "I have a responsibility here, too. You know that. Look I'll – I'll just call you back later." He hung up with a quick "I love you" and that was that.

I had a feeling I shouldn't be listening to him on the phone but the house was stuffy and full of stale air. I needed to get out for a little since I finally could stand for a short time without getting weak.

Jared walked closer to me. "I'm sorry you had to hear that." He gave a half-hearted smile.

I kicked the leaves around me. "I'm sorry as well." He gave me a confused look so I added, "If it weren't for me, you'd still be back home with her and your son."

"Don't be," he sighed. "This is more important than she realizes, I think."

"How much does she know? About demons and Lucifer and all that."

"Mostly all of it. I try to keep her on a need-to-know basis so as to not overwhelm her with worry all the time."

"How are your ribs?" I asked, pointing.

He held a hand to his side as if to check them. "A little pain, but nothing to worry about."

I gulped. I didn't know what to say. Yet another thing that wouldn't have happened if I weren't here with them. I tried to think of the words to say, to convey to him how terribly guilty I felt and how sorry I was that all of this was happening.

"You alright?" he asked, staring intently at my face. "Do you need to sit down?"

I shook my head. "No, I…" I what? I'm sorry didn't feel as though it meant enough, that it didn't hold enough meaning. "Jared, it's all my fault." I could feel my eyes getting wetter and wetter.

"What? What is?"

"Your ribs, fighting with Genevieve, all of it!" I blubbered. "Everything is my fault! If I hadn't gotten in that car accident, none of this would be happening. You would be fine and happy back home with your wife and son, and Jensen wouldn't be so worried and Jim would be playing dress up with his daughter and… and… everyone would be happy! It's my fault, and I hate it."

He wrapped me in a tight hug, despite the pain he must have felt. He didn't say anything, didn't confirm or deny my fears, he just held me. And I liked that. That's what I felt like I needed. To be held. Not to be told everything was going to be all right – that would be guaranteeing a non-guaranteeable future.

"I don't mind any of it," he eventually said. "It's all worth it for you, Andy."

That only made me sob louder. I didn't deserve this. I didn't deserve him being nice to me. I almost got him killed. Who knows how close we all were getting killed at the hospital? Rachel said it was teeming with demons, but luckily we got out before there was any fuss. I didn't deserve Jensen being as sweet to me, or Jim being as friendly to me. Yet they kept giving and giving to me, and I couldn't give anything back.

"Let's get back inside where it's warmer, okay?" Jared said softly. "I'll make us some hot chocolate."

We let go of each other, but he still kept an arm around me. We walked back inside and I sat in the kitchen, feeling slightly drained from the episode outside.

"Genevieve is lucky," I said while he waited for the water to boil.

He smiled at her name, probably already forgetting about their phone fight. "Yeah?"

I smiled back. "Absolutely. When all of this is somehow said and done, I'd like to spend time with her. And you, of course. And Thomas."

Jared nodded. "I'm sure we would all love that."

"Are you happy? That you know, I mean."

"Know what?"

I waved my hand around. "About this. All of the demons and angels and ghosts and things."

He was quiet for a little, thinking about it. "I don't know. I mean, it helps explain a lot of things in the world, I feel like. But at the same time, it's what nightmares are like. Do I wish I didn't know? Probably. But you can't change the past."

I looked down as I said the next part. "Do you think Jensen would be married if you guys didn't know?"

Jared blinked rapidly. "He told you?"

I nodded slowly and pretended to pick something off the table. "Last night."

He sighed and sat down in a chair next to me. "Are you okay?"

I didn't know how to answer that. Nothing in this world seemed okay, but I didn't want to sound whiney and jealous. "Yeah," I said, "I've just been thinking about how different everything would be if just one thing changed, you know? If she hadn't been mugged, then she wouldn't have been made an angel and you two wouldn't have known everything exists. Or if I had just waited two more minutes to leave work, I wouldn't have gotten into the accident and none of this would happen. I would be alright, Erin would be alright, and we wouldn't be on this crazy chase to keep Lucifer locked up."

Jared rubbed my arm comfortingly. "I think about it all the time, too. But we can't change it. No matter how hard we wish it, we can't go back and do it over."

He got up to finish making the hot chocolate, while I thought about that. What if things could change? What if I could somehow do it?

I told everyone that I was going to take a nap, and they helped me up the stairs. I had never been so happy to see a bed in my life. The couch I had been sleeping on was saggy and hard. Jensen asked me about three times if he should stay with me, but I told him I would be perfectly fine alone. With a pained look, he eventually left the room, closing the door behind him.

I waited until I could hear the last person step on the creak at the bottom of the stairs before I sat up and whispered, "Rachel, wherever you are, get your _ass_ over here."

It took a few moments, but she eventually materialized in front of me.

"You called?" she asked.

"Is there any news, any at all, on Erin? _Please_ tell me you have something. I'm going crazy over here."

A pained looked crossed her face. "I haven't found her yet," she said. With that one sentence, all hoped drained out of my body. Suddenly, I did feel like I could actually nap. "But there's still a chance. I have a few leads; I just need to follow them. They are a stubborn lot."

"What is it? Maybe we could help?"

She shook her head. "I'm afraid that's not a good idea. The last thing we need is for you guys out and about in public. As of right now, the demons have no idea where the four of you are. They're trying hard but haven't found anything. You're safer here until I find Erin."

"I have to do _something_ ," I pleaded, "I'm going insane just sitting here, wondering what they're doing to Erin."

Rachel came over and sat next to me on the bed. I could almost feel her hand on my arm, but there was just coldness there.

"They wouldn't hurt her. Think about it – why would they? She's their only leverage. What use would it be if they killed her?"

The word made me shrink back. I couldn't even fathom it. A world without her… it wouldn't be a true world. I wouldn't want to take part in it.

"Okay," I said, trying to get the image out of my head, "But what if they think she knows something? What if they're… they're _torturing_ her?"

Rachel pursed her lips. "I can't tell you anything definitive right now, Andy. I'm doing the best I can, okay? Just give it time. Everything works out the way it's supposed to."

I nodded and she disappeared from sight, hoping to find the truth about where Erin was. I laid back down on the bed and closed my eyes. I was actually more tired than I had realized and fell asleep.

In my dream, I was running. But at the same time, it really wouldn't qualify as running. It was like I was stuck in some sort of invisible goo, preventing me from getting far. I turned around to glance at who was chasing me. It was Jensen. Why was I running from him? Then I saw it. The black eyes.

 _Run!_ I thought, and I quickly turned back around. My legs felt stiff, and I suddenly fell to the ground.

"Stop running," he said, coming up to me. His eyes were their normal shade of green now.

"They're coming," I heard another voice say. Jim appeared next to him. "They are all coming. For you."

Jensen and Jim turned their backs and started walking away. Fear gripped me. I knew exactly who they were talking about – the demons.

"Wait!" I called after them. I tried to stand, but my legs weren't functioning. I couldn't get up. They were gone, fading in the distance, not showing any signs of turning back to me. "Wait…" I said quieter, sobbing to myself. I was alone.

"Come with me," a high-pitched voice called to me. A hand was thrust into my vision. I followed the arm and saw Rachel's face. She was smiling beautifully at me. She was whole, and her body no longer bruised.

I took her hand and suddenly my legs began to work again. I stood up with her help.

"We have to go," I told her, "The demons are coming."

She shook her head slowly. "It's not the demons. It's them." I looked at her confused. My hand still in hers, she began guiding me away. I didn't know where to, but I felt safe. Safer than I have in a while.

"Who is 'them?'" I asked though I didn't particularly care. I felt so content and happy and warm – it didn't matter to me who "they" were, as long as I could feel like this forever.

She was glowing. Rachel looked positively radiant and beautiful. This must have been how she looked before she died. Her skin was ivory, speckled only here and there with a freckle or two. Her eyes shone like she had the universe's stars inside of them. I didn't care where she was guiding me. Jensen and Jared and Jim and demons and Lucifer – none of that was on my mind. All I could see was her beauty and all I could feel was happy.

The room began filling with light. We were still walking, but I couldn't see. The light was bright, but it wasn't blinding. It was a warm, comforting light, enveloping me in a comforting embrace. It reminded me of when my mom used to put my blanket in the dryer just to warm it up for my bed.

A soft, hushed voice said in a whisper-like tone, "Andy…"

It wasn't Rachel. It was too far away to be her. I could still feel her hand in mine, but I couldn't see anything except whiteness. But at the same time, the voice sounded as if it came from everywhere. I couldn't distinguish whether it was someone I knew. It was just an ambiguous voice that said my name.

Then I knew who – or _what_ – it was.

 _Angels_.

With a start, I sat up in bed. I was awake now. Everything was dark. The light was gone, along with Rachel's hand and the quiet voice.

 _It felt so real_ , I thought to myself, clutching my stomach at the sharp pain I brought on when I sat up. I glanced at my hand then, still feeling Rachel's palm in mine.

* * *

For the rest of the day, I kept looking at my hand. Sheri never touched me, even as she looked as though she became whole. When Rachel held my hand, it didn't shock me in the dream. But it was so soft and warm – nothing like Jensen's or anyone's here. They were rough and callused. I missed it. I missed Rachel's hand, even if it was just in a dream.

"You alright?" Jensen asked as he set a plate in front of me. Sandwich. Again.

I dropped my hand into my lap. "Yeah. Another sandwich? Really? Can we _please_ have a little more variety around here?"

He chuckled and Jared and Jim joined us at the table.

"That was one heck of a nap earlier," Jim commented, taking a bite of his sandwich.

Jared chuckled and added, "Yeah, I think the demons heard you snoring."

That probably shouldn't have been funny given the situation we were in, but I cracked a smile and laughed with them. It felt good to smile. I couldn't remember the last time I did. Thinking back, all I could remember was darkness and pain since the convention however long ago. It seemed like ages. Years. But it could have only been a few months. I didn't even know the date anymore, just that the leaves were falling as well as the temperature.

The next day, coincidentally, flurries of snow started falling from the sky. It couldn't have been more than October but it was already cold enough to snow. Throughout the day the flurries got bigger and bigger and began to stick to the dry, dead ground littered with leaves. As the sun was setting, we all went outside in the warmest gear we had and started gathering it in our hands, throwing soft, mushy snowballs at each other. I threw more than I got hit with, probably only because I was still pretty wounded.

In that moment, nothing seemed to matter anymore. For a split second, I got to forget about demons and Lucifer and Erin missing. I got to enjoy myself, possibly for the last time. We were laughing. Actually laughing. Loud, stomach-pinching laughter.

At one point, unspoken teams formed. Jensen and I gathered together and started pounding Jared and Jim with the snow. The "fight" became so heated at one point that we didn't even have time to gather the snow and form them into balls, so we just picked up whatever we could and threw it in their direction.

When we were all thoroughly soaked, cold to the bone, and tired, we decided to retire back inside.

"Andy, wait," Jensen said, grabbing my hand just before we stepped onto the porch. Jared and Jim were already inside.

"What's up?" I asked, turning to him.

He shook his head. "Does something have to be up to get a moment with you?" He half-smiled. He hadn't let go of my hand and I didn't want him to.

A split second later he pulled me closer and wrapped me in his arms and pressed his lips to mine fiercely. When had we last kissed? Not in a while. His lips reminded me of Rachel's hand. Soft. Warm. Inviting. I couldn't get enough of it. We were consuming each other. I could feel the snow falling on our faces as we lingered, pressed to each other. As they melted they felt like tears. Or maybe they were actual tears. The moment was so beautiful and perfect, it broke my heart. Who knows when we could get the chance again to be like this again? Together, no cares, actually enjoying ourselves? I wanted it to last forever and I think he did, too.

His hand came up to cup my face and he felt the water. He pulled away and I realized they were, in fact, tears.

"Are you crying?" he asked softly.

I tried to smile but it wavered on my lips. "I'm going to miss this." I sniffled and put my hand on his on my cheek.

"What do you mean?" His face was still so close to mine.

I closed my eyes. "At any moment, everything can change," I said. "I just… want to remember this."

I opened my eyes in time to see him smile slightly. "I do, too."

I put my hand behind his neck and pulled him forward into another kiss. And another. And a thousand more. I didn't care if Jared or Jim saw us. It was almost the end of the world, and it would be if we didn't find an alternate way to save myself from the demons. And if Rachel found Erin and we were too late… well, I don't know what would become of me. I could promise, though, that this happiness would never come again. It would be my fault, no matter what anyone said to me.

When we finally walked back into the house, Jim had started a fire in the fireplace. Jensen and I peeled off our wet coats and boots and joined him and Jared on the couch. I don't know how late we all stayed up talking. They told me so many stories from the set and how to play their card game they had created. There were so many rules involved I had to keep asking what I was allowed to put down and pick up. We were all happy. Finally.

Jared helped Jim pull out the battery-operated space heaters from a closet for the night. We all slept better than we had in months. Jensen held me through the night, occasionally moving my hair to behind my ear so he could kiss my neck, or squeeze my hand. I was more comfortable than I had been in a long time. I told myself I could die right then and there and be totally happy. Screw the rest of the world – I finally got my happy piece of forever.

But maybe we slept so well because somewhere, in the back of our minds, we knew the worst was coming.

The next day, we finally heard back from Rachel. It was midday when she arrived, and I was talking to Jared about the dream I had during my nap, with Rachel holding my hand and the voice of the angel.

"I mean, you don't think it's real, do you?" I asked him.

He was silent for a while. Jensen and Jim were outside gathering firewood for the winter. Jared looked genuinely concerned about the dream.

"I wouldn't put any stock into it yet, but just in case – if it happens again try to wake up," he said.

I furrowed my brows. "How do I make myself wake up? I don't _know_ it's a dream while it's happening. It all seemed so real and normal until I woke up."

"I don't know," he answered truthfully, "But I read somewhere once that there are ways to make yourself realize that you are in a dream. Something like looking at a clock and if the numbers are all jumbled up, then you know it's just a dream and not real."

I groaned. "But what if it _is_ real, Jared? What if the angels are trying to contact me? I have no solid reason to say no to them, except that Jensen will be angry. But really, what's the bigger problem here – Jensen being angry or saving the _fate of the world_?"

He pursed his lips. "Did they try and contact you last night? Dream or otherwise?" I shook my head. "Then don't you think if they wanted to, they would have?"

He had a point. I was pretty important to this whole Lucifer thing. If they really wanted me, wouldn't they try their hardest to get in contact with me as often as possible to try and persuade me to them?

Before I could even think of something to respond back with, I saw a figure form out of the corner of my eye.

"Rachel!" I exclaimed, standing up immediately. From the look of urgency on her face, I knew what she was here for.

"I have news," came her high-pitched voice, "about Erin."

I looked quickly at Jared and told him, "Quick – go get the other guys."

He nodded and ran out of the kitchen as fast as he could in search of them. Really, it could be a while before he found them. The woods in the back of the house were pretty extensive.

"Did you find her? Is she alright?" I half wanted to know, and half didn't.

The look on Rachel's face made me want the latter all the more.

"Should we wait until they come back?" she asked. I knew how much she hated them, so her asking this made me want to pass out. There was only one reason she would want them around when she spilled the news.

"Is she…?" I couldn't say it. If she was, I didn't want to believe it. I could already feel my body going cold at the thought. I sat down so I wouldn't pass out and stared at the floor as I put my hands on my head.

 _Breathe_ , I told myself.

"No," Rachel said eventually. "She's alive."

I let out a huge breath of relief. I looked up at her with a feeling of betrayal. "You should have started with that!" I wanted to hit her but knew it'd be useless. "God, don't scare me like that."

The look on her face, though, wasn't very assuring. Whatever she was about to say, it wasn't good. But Erin wasn't dead. I could handle whatever Rachel was about to throw at us, so long as Erin was alive.

Jared stormed into the house was the two others trailing behind him. Jensen immediately came to my side and asked me, "What is it?"

I shrugged. "She hasn't told me yet. She wanted to wait until all four of us were together." I looked up at her with a face full of question.

"Okay," she began, "so I spent forever trying to find a demon nest that seemed to have anything to do with this kidnapping. All of them are informed on your bounty, Andy, and looking for all of you. But I finally found one where I overheard one talking to another about a girl taken from her home that may have an idea where you are. I thought, 'This has to be Erin.' So I spent a day or two around him, hoping he'd lead me to the main nest, or whatever, where Erin was. Luckily, he did. Turns out he was the leader of the smaller nest where I found him. The main one is where all the leaders of the smaller ones meet, I guess. But she's there. She's batted up a bit, but she's alive."

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. I relayed the entire message to the guys and Jensen asked, "Where is she?"

"They're keeping her in a warehouse," she said, "in Gurnee."

"Is it safe to go?" I asked her after telling the guys the location.

She paused for a moment. "That's the tricky part. There's _a ton_ of them there, at all times. At least fifty, from what I saw. I really don't know how you all can get in, let alone to Erin and out safely."

I swallowed and told the guys everything.

"We'll go in first," offered Jim. "Fifty is nothing. We've ganked more than that before. Andy, you stay in the car until we say all is clear. Rachel can let you know whether or not we've succeeded, or if there's someone coming for you." He nodded to the area where her figure was.

"That's insane!" I fought back. "It's suicide!"

Jensen grabbed my hand. "Jim is right. We've fought off more than fifty before. This should be a no-brainer. Demons don't use weapons, only magic. But really – what's faster, a bullet or a hand?" He squeezed my fingers.

I looked at the three of them and could already tell they were all in with Jensen. My eyes began to fill as I mumbled out, my voice cracking, "I don't want to lose any of you."

Jared touched my arm. "You won't lose any of us, promise."

My lips trembled but I knew I had to hold it together. By the end of the night, God willing, Erin would be in this house with the four of us. And then I'd have a long story to tell her…


	11. Chapter Eleven

In the car, I couldn't help but bounce my leg up and down. At every red light, the car would shake with my incessant leg bouncing.

"Calm down," Jared said coolly.

"I can't be calm!" I fought. "How are _you_ so calm?"

He answered back quickly, assuredly, "Because I know the outcome." He twisted back in the passenger seat so he was facing the front again. The light turned green and we began to move again.

"Oh, so what – you know the future now?"

Jensen took my hand in his again. That did manage to soothe me a bit, but I was still terrified of what we were about to do. I'd only ever had one encounter with a demon, and that was at the convention where I got my minor concussion oh-so-long ago.

As we neared Gurnee, Jensen went over with me how to use a gun again. I tried remembering everything about the safety and the best way to aim and shoot. I still had never shot one because we didn't know who would be attracted to the loud shot, so he told me, "Just beware of the noise it's going to make. It'll hurt your ears, and you'll probably hear a ringing for a while."

I swallowed nervously. "You make it sound like I'm going to shoot one off today."

He handed me the small pistol. "Let's hope not."

We managed to pull right up to the warehouse. There was nothing out of the ordinary about it – a large, metal-framed building, marked "12" above the garage door. A smaller metal door was to the side. There weren't even guards standing outside like I thought there would be.

"Smell that?" Jared asked, turning to me as Jim shut the engine off.

I sniffed and caught a slight whiff of rotten eggs. "Sulfur."

Jared smiled. "We're in the right place."

Everyone got their things together and Rachel appeared near the console of the car. She smiled at me reassuringly.

"Don't worry. I'll be here the entire time."

 _Of course she isn't worried,_ I thought, _She's already dead._

"Everyone ready?" Jim asked, peering back at Jensen and me.

My heart was beating faster than ever, and I looked at Jensen, terrified for him.

"Come back in one piece," I told him, palms sweating.

Without a word, he grabbed the back of my neck and pulled me into him. We kissed long and hard like you would see in old movies of soldiers going off to war kissing their wives one last time before boarding a train to somewhere far away. Only this was a different war that could turn out disastrously if just one thing went wrong.

He moved away from me and, pressing his forehead to mine, whispered, "I'll be back soon, and with your friend."

I tried to smile but all I really wanted to do was cry. I wished this wasn't real. I wished I didn't come down to this. I wished that I could just live a normal life, free of worry about Lucifer and demons and ghosts and angels.

He let go and nodded to Jared and Jim. They each opened the car doors and closed them lightly, so as anyone inside the warehouse wouldn't hear them slam. I wished the knife in the show was real – the one that with one stab killed the demon inside the host body. Unfortunately, it was all for the show and instead they only had bullets with special markings that sent the demon back to the pit.

I saw them slowly and quietly head towards the metal door. They leaned their heads against the building to see if they could hear anything. Within a second, they were inside and I lost sight of them. For a moment everything was silent and I worried that we had the wrong place, or that the demons had gotten wind that we were coming and moved. But soon enough, I nearly jumped out of my skin when the first bullet was shot. Someone was yelling, but I couldn't tell who it was or whose side they were on. I closed my eyes and prayed – hard – that everyone got through this okay.

I imagined Jensen inside, fighting like the brave warrior I knew he was, especially for taking a task like me on. I could just see him shooting up the place, battling for the life of my friend.

I didn't know what was worse – the fact that everything in every horror movie or ghost story was true, or that I was tripping head over heels for a celebrity I barely knew. But as I heard him shooting inside the warehouse, I knew. I knew he was the oh-so-magical "One." I didn't know what would happen to us after this nightmare was over, but I knew I couldn't leave his side. He was my drug – I needed him to live.

Well, that was if we made it out alive, at least – and that had no guarantee.

I was hiding in Jim's car, peering above his front seat. They told me to lay low, so nobody saw me. But they should know by now that I wasn't really one for rules.

Suddenly, everything went quiet. There was no more shooting or shouting. Just pure silence. I foolishly thought everything was finally over, so I stepped out of the black car and shut the door, it making a large squealing noise as it did.

Within a split second, something hard hit the back of my head with a _thump_ and everything went black.

The last thing I heard was Rachel yelling, "No, Andy, don't!"

* * *

I woke up with a huge headache, only assuming that I had a welt the size of Hawaii (all of the islands) on the back of my head. The first thing I realized was that I was sitting. The second was that I couldn't move. My hands were bound behind my back, and my feet tied to the legs of the chair.

I looked up drowsily and had to wait for my eyes adjust to the dark to find out I was inside the warehouse.

_Warehouse._

No! This wasn't supposed to happen!

I fought against the tight zip ties that nearly cut off the circulation to my hands and feet.

I looked around me quickly, my heart racing wildly. Even wilder than before, which I didn't know was possible. I saw four chairs with only three bodies on them. I recognized Jared, looking way too big for the small chair he was on. Next to him was Jim, looking pretty rough. Cuts and welts all over his face from some brutal battle that must have occurred with one of the demons. Then, across from me was Erin. Finally, there was a chair on the other side of me that was empty. From what I could tell, we were the only ones in this room. It was small – maybe specifically built for this reason. There was one door, which was probably heavily guarded from the outside. I was the only one awake so far.

I looked around the room, trying to find the other person. There was no one, which led me to the worst conclusion of all.

Jensen was dead.

I wanted to wail. I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry so hard that I passed out and never woke up again. It was only moments ago that I realized I was in love with him, and a second later he was dead. It was a cruel, cruel joke that someone was playing on me. I didn't want to play anymore. I didn't want this exciting thrill of an adventure, not if it meant losing Jensen. I thought imagining a world without Erin was bad, but now imagining a world without Jensen… I wanted to die.

After a moment of self-pity and wallowing, I whispered, brokenly through my growing tears, "Rachel? Rachel where are you?"

She didn't come.

 _Iron_ , I realized. The room that was built for us was constructed solely of iron. There was no way Rachel would be able to get in, let alone hear me calling for her.

I tried to move my chair closer to Jared next to me. The chairs were bolted to the ground.

"Jared," I mumbled, my nose getting all snotty from tears now. "Jared wake up." My voice cracked. I tried getting my mind off Jensen. "Jared!"

With a start, his head popped up and flicked his hair out of his eyes. Just like I did, he had to blink a few times and he looked around, taking in all his surroundings. Then he saw me and his eyes went wide. "Andy?"

I looked towards the door, hesitating a moment to see if anyone barged in. No one did.

"Is… Is Jensen…?" I asked slowly, barely able to say words.

Jared looked around again, noticing his companion wasn't in the room. He looked just as confused as I was, which wasn't a good sign. I could see his face going red, either from anger or that he was about to burst out wailing like I wanted to.

I interrupted whatever was about to happen by asking, "Jared, what happened? I thought you said this was going to be easy!"

He sniffled and looked at me as if he forgot I was there for a moment. He shook his head and closed his eyes.

"We weren't prepared. There were more than a hundred of them here. A hundred against three. We… we had no chance." He stopped to take a few breaths. "We came in, and everything was dark. We couldn't see anything except for a huge, iron box in the middle of the warehouse, which I assume we're now in. We didn't see any of them until it was too late. They came running at us, all at once."

 _Hundred?_ I wondered. Why had Rachel guessed fifty? A pit started forming in my stomach. _She was working with them_. But how? I didn't think ghosts and demons lived on the same plane, but then again I guess anything is possible at this point. But why was the box we were in made of iron? The only reason that would be needed would be if they specifically didn't want me to contact anyone on that side.

Jared continued without missing a beat:

"We shot and fought as many as we could, but we knew it was a losing battle. Jensen yelled for us to retreat, to head back to the car." I could hear his voice wavering. "I should have listened. I should have just run like he told me. But I stayed, it felt like, for only a few more seconds. That's when everything went black."

My throat constricted. "And Jensen?"

I saw him shake his head. "I don't know," he whispered.

I squeezed my eyes shut. It was all I could do. I couldn't scream. I couldn't punch a wall. All I wanted to do was go back in time and change everything.

"Can…" I said through tears, "Can you wake up Jim? Maybe he knows something." It was a half-hope that maybe, just maybe, Jensen was alive. I didn't know how, and neither did Jared, but there had to be hope.

Jim took a bit more coaxing to wake up than Jared, but eventually he groaned to consciousness. Jared filled him in for a brief moment while I looked around more at the box. There were no windows, no holes. Bolted to the cement ground, just like our chairs. Maybe they're hoping to suffocate us. But why wouldn't they put Jensen in with us, even if he was… dead? God, even thinking that word was physically painful. But, even if he was dead, why wouldn't they place him in here, solely for the purpose of hurting us, specifically me? Even if they had no clue about our relationship (or whatever you want to call it – we never really discussed terms of what we were) they still knew that we must have grown close after all these secluded months together.

"He got out," I heard a half-conscious Jim mumble. My head immediately shot towards his direction, and I saw the vague, dark shape of his outline in the darkness.

"Jensen?" I asked, my heart finally lifting. "He's alive?"

Jim paused. "I wouldn't say that. I saw him leave the building. After that, though, I don't know. They could have caught him. I just don't know."

He was holding it together better than either of us, probably because he had been through his fair share of loss in his life with his widower status.

I swallowed, facing the truth for the first time. It was easy to deny it back at the house. But here, now, in this position, I had to face it. Everything was true. The demons were here to kill me, to set free their king.

"I'll get you guys out," I said to them, "and Erin. It's me they want, not you. I'll – I'll try to strike a bargain or something."

"A bargain?" Jim said, aghast. "Andy, don't you get it? If they win, we all die. Lucifer will be free to rein terror down on the entire human race. There is no 'bargain' to be struck."

I shook my head. "Maybe–Maybe there is. Maybe I can offer my life up, so that even if he does start the whole apocalypse or whatever it is he plans to do once he's free, you four will be safe." I said four because I refused to acknowledge that Jensen was dead. I looked at Jared and added, "And your families, too. Gen and Thomas," I glanced at Jim, "and Maddie included. It's me they want, and it's me they'll get – at a price."

"What makes you think they will even want to strike any sort of bargain? What makes you think that they won't just barge on in here and kill you without listening to a word?" asked Jared.

I shrugged. "They haven't killed any of us yet. There has to be a reason. Why else would they have set up this room? Somehow, they must have known we were coming. I don't know if Rachel was in on it with them or what, but look at how this place is set up!" I looked around me. "Four chairs inside an _iron_ box? They knew we were coming, and what I was capable of."

Just then the door creaked open, and I had to squint my eyes from the light beaming in. The door remained open, so when my eyes finally adjusted, I was able to look the figure in the face as they stared at me.

It was a man – young and good-looking. His hair was neatly coiffed and he wore a tailored suit to his muscular, lean, tall body. From what I could tell it was a deep, navy blue color matched with a blue and white tie and white pocket square. It all paired well with his black, black eyes.

My first demon since Lina at the convention.

* * *

"So – you're Andy?" his deep voice asked, sounding a bit disappointed. Surprisingly, it had a Brazilian accent. I couldn't see the color of his skin very well, but I assumed it had a nice, South American tan. "Don't get me wrong, I was just assuming someone more… well, different."

I swallowed, attempting to look a bit more confident. In reality, I was scared shitless.

"And who do I have the pleasure of speaking to?" I asked, voice wavering a bit.

He put his hands into his tailored trousers' pockets, looking almost astonished I had asked such a question. "This host's name was Pedro," he answered, accent thick, "but my real name is Beelzebub."

The name sounded vaguely familiar, but it rang no bells in my mind. I tried thinking back to the show, or even back to Sunday School but still the name drew a blank. However, Jim and Jared seemed to know. I heard them gasp at the name.

Without hesitation, Beelzebub launched forward and connected his fist against each of their faces. They let out a loud grunt as he did so, and a moment later Beelzebub was standing straight, slicking back a hair that had strayed out of place.

"You'll do well to only speak when spoken to," he hissed at them.

My breath was coming in rapid gasps, my heart exploding from my chest. Who _was_ he? And why did Jared and Jim seem to know who he was?

Beelzebub looked at me, stepping closer. "Forgive me, but I just didn't picture you to be so… well, small. Your ancestors were much, much taller."

I blinked quickly, my eyebrows pressing together in confusion. "My… my ancestors?"

He looked confused as well for a moment, and then a smile spread across his face. He let out a loud, quick laugh. A sadistic laugh. "You… you don't know?" He chuckled again and stepped back towards Jim and Jared. "You never told her?"

I glanced at the two of them, wanting to ask what the hell he was talking about. Tell me what? They knew, though, what he was talking about, whatever it was. Their faces hardened and they only looked at him, and not me.

Beelzebub looked over at me again and shook his head. "Fascinating. They wanted to keep you to themselves, didn't you, boys?"

"No, Andy, don't listen to–" Jared began to say before Beelzebub punched him into silence again.

Beelzebub clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth and shook his head disapprovingly. "You are _terrible_ with directions, Mr. Padalecki."

"Stop it!" I yelled, sensing that he would punch him again. Beelzebub's head turned inhumanely quick towards me as he leered over Jared, malice on his face. "Don't – don't hurt him. It's me you want, right?"

Within a split second the malice was gone replaced by a sickening smirk on his lips.

"You?" he said, sounding surprised. "Why, I could never hurt _you_. At least not yet. You're too important."

"Important?" I asked. "Important for what?"

I was somewhat terrified of the answer.

"Why, for the pathway, my dear."

 _What. The. Hell_. Literally.

After a long silence, I finally said, "Me? What pathway?"

Beelzebub clicked his tongue again. "I can't believe you don't know. Then again, your sacred book has been rewritten so many times over the centuries that it's no real surprise. Though, really, your friends must surely know."

"Just _tell me_!"

"Would any of you two like to tell her? No? Well alright." Beelzebub straightened up and walked slowly towards me once more. When he spoke, I could tell he was reciting something he'd probably read or heard thousands of times:

"'…for when the son of man and the son of Creation create new life, after thirteen generations there they shall have the power to open the pathway to Hell and eternal damnation.'"

I shook my head, probably still groggy from being passed out. "English, please."

"It's quite simple, really. Thirteen generations ago, one of your ancestors chose a … well, let's just say, _undesirable_ mate. Rosier, once so powerful and mighty and beloved by God, went wicked and began philandering with the humans, impregnating one. And so the prophecy began. The moment your Creator realized what had happened, He cast Rosier out of Heaven and into the depths of Hell where we accepted him wholly.

"Since then, the Angels have done their best to stop the prophecy from coming true but… well, obviously they have failed. You, Andy, are the thirteenth generation. And the fact that you have remained alive this long after your accident… well, your soul is beyond priceless, now."

I couldn't speak. I couldn't even think. This had to be a joke. Maybe, if I'm lucky, these past few months have all been one massive joke Erin must have pulled. Across from me, she was still passed out. Actually, I couldn't even see her chest rising or falling. She was sickeningly still. I ripped my eyes away from her, still trying to wrap my mind around what Beelzebub had just said.

"I'm… _what_?" I gasped. I looked at Jared and Jim, hoping for some sort of explanation, but they couldn't look at me. That's when I knew what Beelzebub had just said must be true.

Beelzebub smiled at me. "We've been waiting a long, long time for you, Andy. The _angels_ ," he spat out the word, "have tried desperately to end your line. We, the demons, have done everything in our power to promote it. The deaths of your family members as you grew up were no coincidence. Your mother and father's plane crashing in 9/11? Your grandparent's house fire? Even your own car accident – all of it was planned and orchestrated by them. All to prevent your life."

I shook my head. "I was born by the time 9/11 happened, and my grandparents died after my parents were already born. If they didn't want me alive, they wouldn't have waited."

He shook his head, kneeling down to my height, making me meet his eyes by grabbing my chin. "Everyone has their moles. We had someone on the inside, feeding them false information. Each time they killed a member of your family, they had a false hope that they had won. Aamon, you see, knows all past and future events. Those idiots upstairs actually _believe_ he's on their side when he's been working with us since the moment Rosier stuck his little prick inside your ancestor."

I shook my head, trying to disbelieve all of this, but the facts kept mounting up. It was true that my grandparents' on both sides died soon after giving birth to my mother and father. My mother's parents died in the house fire and my father's parents died from a robbery. That was how they met – at an orphanage. Their parents didn't live long enough to have any other children, so both my mother and father were only children. My mother and father were told by doctors that they would never be able to conceive children so I was their one and only miracle child. I can only assume the near-infertility was the angels' doing. I had just entered middle school when my parents were on the American Airlines Flight 11 from Boston (our original hometown) to LA for a small vacation. They crashed into the Twin Towers and died. It was all true.

My voice was barely above a whisper when I asked, "And you think _I_ have what it takes to open this 'pathway to Hell'?"

Beelzebub winked at me. "Beautiful _and_ smart. Jensen Ackles picked a good one, I must say."

 _You disgust me_ , I wanted to say, but I was afraid of what he would do to me if I spoke out, despite his promise earlier that he would do no such thing.

"What makes you think I'm willing to do that?" I asked. "Why would I want to open this pathway and let all of Hell – literally – loose?"

Beelzebub sighed, shaking his head. "The stories you grew up on, on how evil we demons are? It's all a bunch of bullcrap. It's just propaganda thrown in your face to _believe_ that we are bad. Do you know why the majority of us were cast out of Heaven?" I stayed silent so he continued, "We were thrown out because we believed that humans should have the same amount of knowledge as we do. Is that so bad? Why do you think we tempted Eve to eat the forbidden fruit? The only reason it was forbidden was that it contained all the knowledge of the Heavens.

"God didn't cast Adam and Eve out of the Garden, like your sacred book tells you. No, he killed them. Started a new breed of humans, ones who were mortal and believed that learning – sinning – was bad and would lead you to Hell. We demons – we tap into the inner souls of people, teaching them the truth of the world. Everyone has urges, my dear. We just simply tell them to let their inhibitions go."

"And how is that any less evil?" I asked.

Beelzebub sighed. "You're not understanding, Andy. These urges are only bad because you've been _told_ they are bad. Sex before marriage? Eating pork? C'mon – you know better than that."

"Murder?" I asked. "Is that not bad?"

He held his hands up. "Those are simple animalistic desires everyone has. Darwin understood. Kill or be killed, that is the law of the land. Humans, by murder, have reached the height of the food chain because of these desires."

I shook my head. "How do I know it's not _you_ that's brainwashing me, huh? Why can't I decide for myself?"

Beelzebub nodded furiously. "Why, of course! You can decide for yourself! We could easily force you to bend to our will, to finish the prophecy. But we haven't. I have just simply given you the truth, Andy. You can decide what to do with it."

I breathed hard, thinking about what exactly to do. What if what he was saying was all true?

"What if I don't? What if I decide not to open the pathway?" I asked.

Beelzebub's glinting white smile faded. "A prophecy is a prophecy only if it is guaranteed to come true."

I looked away from his dazzling face. If I was going to decide, I was going to do it on my own terms.

"I have conditions," I said to him, "before I decide anything."

He looked surprised but didn't say no. "Go on."

I looked beyond him at Erin. "First of all, if I'm going to do any thinking, I can't do it tied up to this chair."

His eyes darkened, as if that were even possible. "I'm sorry but we can't let you leave until you've made your verdict – or if you choose to go against us and kill even more of us."

"What would be the point?" I asked. "You outnumber me. I wouldn't be able to leave if I tried."

His smile began to return. "You speak the truth." After a moment of thought, he added, "Alright, I will unbind you. Any other terms?"

"I need proof that Erin is alive."

He looked aghast. "Why, of course, she is alive."

I grit my teeth together. "I need proof."

He looked a little annoyed, but he stood up and walked over to my unconscious friend. He lifted her head up and smacked her cheek lightly a couple times. It took a few moments, but eventually her eyes opened. She squinted in the light that was thrown on her face before she realized that there were other people in the room with her.

Then her eyes rested on me. She had to squint some more to see, but when she recognized me, her face lit up.

"Oh my god!" she said in a raspy, dry voice. "Andy – is that really you?" Her eyes began to well up, as did mine.

"Erin… Erin oh my god you're alive!" I gasped.

Beelzebub sighed and snapped his fingers. In an instant, Erin was unconscious again. I gasped and saw her head loll back forward as he let her face go.

"ERIN!" I yelled.

"Oh hush," muttered Beelzebub. "She's still alive, just… quieter."

My eyes stared into her face. One moment she was awake and fine, and now she was passed out again. It was so good to hear her voice again. I swallowed to try and steady my voice before saying, "One more condition."

Beelzebub tucked his hands into his pockets again. "What now?"

"Jim and Jared and Erin go free."

Beelzebub actually laughed, and hard. He thought this was hilarious, for some reason, while I kept my face stone solid. I could feel the guys' eyes on me, but I refused to glance in their direction like they had for a while now.

"You're joking, right?" Beelzebub gasped. "Let those two – the people who have worked for over a decade to eradicate my kind – go? And your little friend here – Erin, is it? – she's the only leverage we have. Let all three of them go, and what do we have?" He paused for dramatic effect. "Disaster, is what we have, my dear."

"Leverage?" I shook my head. "You said so yourself – a prophecy is only a prophecy if it will come true. You don't need leverage."

Beelzebub squinted at me, looking at every inch of my body. "You'll notice one of your… _companions_ isn't here."

 _Jensen_.

"What did you do with him?" I asked viciously.

Beelzebub let a small smile creep across the corners of his lips. "Ah, yes, Aamon told me about your little trysts with Mr. Ackles. Well, you should know we don't have him. The second he ran out of here like a little dog with its tail tucked between its legs he disappeared. Poof. One of my best, Berith, ran after him and exited only seconds after Mr. Ackles, but he was already gone.

"See, we have no guarantee that your little friend won't come back, with an army, to save you and the others. Let them go, and that only adds fuel to his fire. No, we need something as leverage not only for you, but for him."

 _He's alive_ , I told myself. _He's alive, he's alive. Somewhere, he's alive._

There was silence for a long time, then finally I spoke up saying, "So are you going to untie me or what?"


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: The passage marked with a "*" will have a translation at the bottom of the page.

The twist ties were sliced off my wrist and ankles, and immediately I ran to Erin. I kneeled down in front of her and picked her face up in my hand. As far as I could see, she was unharmed. No bruises or welts or blood.

_The blood in her apartment._

It must be from whoever kidnapped her. Knowing her, she fought back hard.

"Erin," I breathed, "Erin, wake up." I did the same as Beelzebub just did, and slapped her cheek lightly a few times. "Hey, Erin."

I wanted to burst into tears the second I saw her eyes beginning to open. A smile so wide filled my face and for a second I forgot where we were and everything that had lead up to this horrific moment. All I cared about was Erin, and that she was safe.

"Andy – it's you," she sobbed, "it's really you."

"I'm here," I said standing up and taking her into my arms. "I'm right here." I heard Beelzebub sigh but I ignored him.

Eventually, I had to let her go. The second I did, she looked up at me, terrified.

"Andy, it's real. It's all real. The show and demons and angels – they said something about some prophecy…"

I leaned in close to her, barely speaking as I said, "Sh, it's okay. I'm going to get you out of here." Louder, I said, "Look who else is here." I stepped aside so she could fully see Jim and Jared for the first time.

"Oh, my god," she gasped.

"Hi," the two guys said meekly.

Beelzebub interrupted, "Alright, enough pleasantries. Andy, you have some thinking to do."

He turned around and before I even had the chance to follow, the iron door slammed shut once more. We plunged into complete blackness.

"If one of you has a plan," I whispered to Jim and Jared, "now would be a good time to share."

I heard someone sigh – it was to my right so it must be one of the guys.

"Jensen is out there. We just have to hope that he comes back," said Jim.

"It's suicide!" I muttered. "There's no _way_ he would, in his right mind, come back here."

"With you here, he won't _be_ in his right mind," said Jared.

"Can I just say," entered Erin, "it is such a pleasure to be trapped in a dark box with you two. Seriously." I kind of forgot they were celebrities and that she hadn't yet met them, so I couldn't help but smile. "Did the three of you really come here just to save me?"

"Andy wouldn't give us much of a choice," muttered Jared, "but it's an honor to meet the infamous Erin."

"Inf-…," her voice trailed off. I could sense her shake her head. "You – you talk about me?"

I rolled my eyes. "Alright, enough, before your head explodes."

"You're right, sorry. So what prophecy thing are they talking about? They're kidding, right?" I could only guess she was directing the question at me.

In the dark, my vision began to clear a bit. I could see the dark shapes of the people around me. I walked, hands extended in front of me, back to my chair and sat down, suddenly feeling exhausted.

"I don't know," I said a bit harshly, "Why don't we ask them?"

Jim sighed. "Look, Andy, we couldn't tell you because we didn't know if it was true."

"Well, you know now! Is this the real reason the whole angel thing wasn't an option? Because they might just kill me instead?"

"Angel thing?" interrupted Erin.

I kept forgetting that she didn't know anything that had happened in the last few months. I filled her in on what they told me, which I assumed is only half-true now.

"Whoa," was all she said.

"Look," I said, turning back to Jim and Jared, "I have no intention of opening up any sort of pathway so can we _please_ try and figure out a way to escape? I'll bust your asses after I know we're all safe."

"Andy, we would never lie to you," said Jared sincerely, "We just had no way to prove that you were the thirteenth generation. We had always believed that they died out a long time ago."

I shook my head. "Let's just drop it, okay? Prophecy or no prophecy, there's absolutely no way I'm opening up some sort of gateway to or from Hell. So let's just get out of here."

* * *

It was a solid three days before anything changed. Every few hours someone, not Beelzebub, would come and drop off four trays of food and it was up to me to feed everyone while their hands were still tied. It was later on the first day when someone walked in and I peered through the door that I saw Rachel, standing outside. Our eyes connected and before I knew it, she was gone. Every other time the door opened, she was never there. I thought maybe I imagined it the first time, but I had been so sure I saw her.

Three times a day, Beelzebub would enter the room and ask the same, singular question:

"Have you chosen?"

And I would always answer, "Not yet."

And every day we would discuss ways of getting out, but every plan was fraught with problems. On the third day, in the morning, Beelzebub entered the room as always, waking us all up.

"Have you chosen?" he asked, as always.

"Not yet," I answered robotically.

He sighed out of frustration. "Andy, dear, we can't just sit around forever waiting for you. You have until tonight to decide. If you haven't yet made the decision… well, we'll make it for you."

"You can't just expect me to make a decision that changes the fate of the world in just a few days!" I exclaimed, standing from the chair. "You lied earlier."

"Oh?" he said.

"You can't change my will and force me to do what you want."

His eyes darkened. "What makes you say that?"

"Like you said – you have been waiting a long time for me. If it really has been so long, you would jump at the chance and force me to do it the second you found me. If you could do that, then you would have already."

I saw his eyes flick to my other three friends, his eyes almost glowing with sadism. "Only one way to find out. Until tonight, _meu amor_." He walked out, slamming the door as he left.

I plopped back down in the chair and put my head between my legs.

"What do we do?" asked Erin frantically.

Everyone was silent for a while. We all _knew_ what we – or I – had to do. We had no choice.

"I have to do it," I eventually said, "or be killed – which will result in the same ending."

"No…" whispered Erin. "You got this far. You can't give up."

I raised my head and yelled angrily, "I don't have much of a choice, do I? He threatened all of you! If I don't say yes, he will do everything in his power to _make me_ say yes! And if that doesn't work, he'll just kill me which will be just as bad." I shook my head. "You just don't get it, Erin. We don't have a choice here. We can't escape. I have to say yes – then maybe, _maybe_ he'll let you three go."

"Don't count on it," muttered Jim.

"Don't worry about us," said Jared. "Whatever you have to do, we won't judge you. No one can, under these circumstances."

Jared, always the sweet one, always on my side.

_Where are you, Jensen?_

* * *

The next time we were supposed to get food, no one came. They were probably trying to starve us out, make us weaker both mentally and physically. Prepping me for the slaughter.

Inside the dark box, we never had any clue what time it was. The only indication we got was when we were delivered food, and even then we never knew if it was at a normal time. Demons didn't eat, Jared told me. For all we knew, we could be getting served lunch at 3 AM. My stomach grumbled loudly, and as if on cue, so did Erin's.

Suddenly, through the thin, small cracks that outlined the door, there was a blinding bright, white light. A quick heat filled the room and then disappeared along with the glow.

"What the hell was that?" gasped Erin.

But I recognized it, remembering the soft, comforting warmth of the white light from the dream.

 _Angels_.

Yelling. So much yelling. As the bright light dimmed, all I could hear was yelling, gunshots, and grunts of people – demons or angels or humans, I didn't know – falling to their deaths.

 _They're here to kill you_ , I told myself, _not save you_.

I stood back from the door and inched closer to my friends. If I was going to die, I wanted to be near them. I didn't want to feel alone in any way.

"Erin," I mumbled, turning to her. I had to raise my voice above all the screaming outside the little box. "Erin, listen to me. I need you to know that I love you and that I'm sorry we couldn't spend more time together these past few months."

"What?" she asked frantically, obviously unsure of what was happening.

I awkwardly hugged her as she was in the chair, my eyes welling up with tears.

"I love you, okay?" I whispered in her ear. "Don't forget that. Don't ever forget that, whatever happens from here on out."

She was breathing hard. "I-I love you, too, Andy."

I let go and wiped my eyes. I turned to Jared and began, "Jared, I–"

Suddenly the door swung open.

"YOU!" Beelzebub screamed at me. Before I even had the chance, his arms were around me, dragging me away from my friends.

I kicked and yelled and screamed – anything to get him off me. Beelzebub chose a good host, I decided. Pedro's body was strong. I could feel the muscles beneath his tailored suit, pressing against my back.

When my eyes adjusted to the light around me, I saw the war that was raging. There seemed to be hundreds of people, maybe even a thousand, surrounding me, battling all around.

 _Angels,_ I reminded myself. _Demons and angels_.

But they just looked like normal people, like me and Erin and Jared.

Everyone around me was too busy battling to notice Beelzebub and me. Somehow, he managed to drag me outside and to the building next door. My screams were nothing compared to the yelling happening inside, so no one paid much attention to me. For a moment while I was getting dragged away, I thought I caught a glimpse of Jensen but I couldn't be sure.

Inside the next warehouse, there was only a table set with a few bowls, herbs, and papers.

_The pathway!_

I fought as hard as I could when I caught on to what he was planning to do.

"No!" I screamed. Scratching, biting, kicking. Nothing. "Let me go! I'll never do this!"

"You don't have a choice, dear," he whispered in my ear.

Finally, his tight arms that were digging into my ribcage, threatening to break a rib and feeling like my stab wound was fresh and new, let go. The moment I was free, I ran. As fast as I could. I knew it'd be hopeless, but at that moment, hope was all I had left in me. With my hand pressed against my stomach where Richard's knife had dug into me, I pushed my legs as hard as they would go. Run, run. Faster. Get out. Save yourself.

The door had no lock, so when I was able to reach it without Beelzebub catching me I felt elated. But it wouldn't last. The door wouldn't budge. The handle wouldn't even turn. I tried and tried, tugged it with all my might. The fighting next door was inaudible like it wasn't even happening. Jared, Jim, and Erin could already be dead or free. Or still sitting. God, _why_ is this happening?!

A laugh erupted behind me. I turned around and pressed my back to the door as I saw Beelzebub walking towards me.

"You really think I'd make it that easy for you to escape?" he said after a few chuckles. It was only then I realized he had dimples. Sickening dimples. He clicked his tongue – it must be his signature move. "I thought you'd be smarter than that, Andy."

"I won't do it," I said, voice shaking. "I won't open the pathway."

He raised an eyebrow. "I gave you a chance to consider your options. You took too long. Now it's time to put this into _my_ hands."

He brought his hand, outstretched and facing towards me, up from his side. He clenched it into a fist and I suddenly felt an invisible field around me, and I couldn't move a single muscle.

"Now," he said maliciously, "let's get this started, shall we?"

Slowly, as his hand moved toward himself, my feet began to move forward involuntarily. I couldn't speak. I could barely breathe. Foot after foot, step after step, I moved closer and closer to the table with the ingredients to open the pathway to Hell.

I was using all my will to try and break this binding he had on me, but I was unable. Before I knew it, I was in front of the table and his hand was back at his sides. The force was still around me. My heart was racing, but my chest felt like there were heavyweights pressing against my bones. Breath came in short gasps, and I was afraid I was going to pass out.

His head was down, reading some ancient-looking paper in front of him. He picked up herb after herb, reading the labels that were in some sort of language I didn't know and occasionally adding them to the bowl. When he was happy with the number of ingredients, he took a pestle and crushed them together, making them smaller than they already were. He then picked up a type of knife I had never seen before. It's pommel at the end looked to be made out of a crystal – it was transparent and cut like a diamond and polished, so it glistened in any light it encountered, creating rainbows on the floor. Its hilt had engravings that looked almost Norse with its curving lines and vines and leaves. There were four symbols created with these curves but I had no idea what they meant. The blade itself was curved, like the blacksmith that made it heated it up to such a temperature that he grabbed the other end and twisted it like a corkscrew.

"And the final ingredient." Beelzebub grabbed my hand and it seemed to move with ease when he touched it, though I was still unable to move an inch.

He pressed the blade to my wrist, and sliced across it. The pain was excruciating, but less so than what I remembered from Richard's knife. The red liquid poured out immediately and he flipped my wrist over the second bowl and watched it pour in, filling up, up, up. Looking at it drip from me made me feel nauseous and light-headed, so I had to close my eyes – my one movement I was able to do.

A second later, the pain was gone along with the warm feeling of my blood that had dripped onto my hand. I opened my eyes and the cut was suddenly gone, without so much as a scratch. It was like it had never happened.

He dropped my wrist to my side. I could only watch in horror at what he did next, which I assumed were the final steps. He poured my dark, thick blood in the same bowl with the herbs slowly, muttering words I think were Latin.

_"Surge Domine tenebris_

_Ut perducat te ad vitam,_

_libera esto tuo et vincula tua._

_Surge, surge._

_Nos tum te quoque,_

_ad vitam."*_

I didn't know what he was saying, but it couldn't have been good. I moved my eyes around the room, to see if anything changed – to see if any portals or pathways opened, but it all remained the same.

He carefully and meticulously mixed the herbs with my blood and then poured it into a small chalice. He took it into his hands and offered it to me, but since I couldn't move I couldn't take it, nor would I have. But he raised his hand again, and soon my hand followed suit, grasping the chalice in my hand. It was a strange feeling, able to feel the cup in my hand but not able to control it.

I tried to restrain my muscles from keeping it from going near me, but it moved closer and closer, near my lips. It was so close now, that I could smell the metallic aroma of the blood mixed with all sorts of unidentifiable herbs.

I suddenly heard the door to the warehouse open and someone yelled and a knife was plunged into Beelzebub's arm. He let out a groan and for the split second he was distracted, my body returned to my control. I threw down the chalice, the red liquid splashing out on the floor.

"NO!" Beelzebub yelled. He ripped the knife out of his arm and raised his hand to try and gain control of me again, but a gun went off. Beelzebub reeled back as the bullet went into his back.

I yelped in surprise at the sudden boom of the gun and reeled back, away from Beelzebub. It was then when I saw who it was.

Jensen.

"Andy, get back!" he yelled furiously.

I covered my head as I made my way closer to him. I ducked into the corner of the warehouse as he let loose a few more gunshots in Beelzebub's direction, a few hitting their mark.

I saw Beelzebub raise his hand like he did for me, wrapping me in that force field.

"No!" I yelled, jumping up to run to Jensen.

But his powers had no effect on Jensen.

 _The bullets_ , I thought, _why aren't they sending him to Hell?_ I remembered the engravings they put on the bullets from before, but Beelzebub seemed to still be up and kicking.

Beelzebub took the knife in his hands and, for the brief moment that Jensen took to reload his gun, he chucked it in his direction. Luckily, the knife didn't pierce him, but it grazed his arm and sliced open his shirt and a bit of skin. Blood began to seep onto his sleeve. All I could do, to save myself and not distract Jensen, was sit and watch in horror everything happening.

Jared and Jim ran in. I saw someone else, smaller, behind them, but they stayed outside the door. It had to have been Erin.

 _They're safe_. I let out a sigh of relief.

The light outside was fading, but whether it was from clouds or time I didn't know.

Beelzebub grabbed the twisted blade he had used previously on me and inched closer to Jensen.

"So, you survived," Beelzebub sneered.

Jensen smirked. "I did."

"Sorry, your little bullets didn't do the job. I've got a little extra juice than you bargained for, huh?"

"They cut off your powers, which is all I really needed."

The next few seconds went by faster than my mind could process. They went straight to each other. Jensen's gun went off a few times. Jim and Jared joined in. There were grunts as punches were flown and hit their target. I could only hope in this shuffle that the knife didn't pierce anyone, except Beelzebub. Every now and then someone would get knocked to the ground, but they would get right back up again and resume.

I ran to Erin, clutching her in my arms.

"Are you okay?" I asked hurriedly.

She looked at me and the fight happening inside. It was like she didn't know where to look. I felt the same – I wanted to watch Jared, Jensen, and Jim fight Beelzebub to make sure they didn't get hurt, but at the same time I didn't want to look in case one of them _did_ get hurt. "Should we do something?"

I looked around, but there was nothing else in the room.

The next few seconds moved in slow motion. I only saw bits and pieces, or maybe my brain blocked some of it out.

Jim fell to the ground and didn't get back up.

Jensen's gun went flying.

Beelzebub eyed it.

I ran forward to grab it.

Beelzebub grabbed it first.

He pointed it at my head.

I closed my eyes, waiting for the final blackness of my life. This was it. This was the end. It all came down to this. I would die. My body trembled and I could feel my eyelids swell with water. I didn't want to die, but I didn't have much of a choice anymore.

Yelling. Someone was yelling.

"Andy, no!"

Jared.

 _Sh,_ I wanted to tell him. _Everything will be alright_. But it won't be. From this moment on from my death, nothing will be alright. Everything would be lost.

Bang _._

There it was – the gunshot. My final sound in this world. I still felt like me. Is this what death feels like? I felt no pain. It began to dawn on me that there _was_ no pain. I was still alive, and I wasn't shot. Did he miss?

I opened my eyes and saw that Beelzebub still had the gun pointed at me. It was directly in front of me, only a few feet away. How could he have missed?

Jensen was yelling. Erin was yelling. Something happened. Was I having an out of body experience? I looked away for a moment and saw someone was missing. Who? Jensen was there. Erin was behind me. Jim was still on the ground.

 _Jared_.

In utter horror, I looked down at my knees and saw a large, limp body. A pool of blood began seeping out of his jacket.

Click.

The gun in Beelzebub's hand went off, but it had no more bullets. Jensen took this moment and tackled Beelzebub, knocking him down. The gun slid out of his hand and smacked into the wall. Jensen began throwing punch after punch in his face, yelling things I couldn't understand.

I flipped Jared over and Erin ran over to my side. There was so much blood already out of his system that his face was paling by the second. He was gasping for breath, shaking slightly. He didn't have much time.

I had no medical experience in my life, but I knew that I had to stop the bleeding. I took off my jacket and unbuttoned my shirt. I ripped it off as fast as I could and pressed it firmly to the bullet hole, which I realized was directly over his heart.

 _No, no, no_.

"Stay with me, Jared," I managed to say through my terror. Water was falling down my cheeks. " _Stay with me!_ "

Erin beside me placed his head in her lap, whispering, "Oh my god, oh my god" over and over.

The shirt I wore soaked up quickly with his blood, and it began gushing over my hands.

"Andy," Jared whispered, his glazed eyes locked on mine. His face looked clammy. Erin moved his hair out of his face. He brought his hand up to mine over his chest. "I don't regret…" His voice trailed off and his lids began to close.

"NO!" I screamed, removing one hand and slapping him lightly like I did to wake up Erin. I knew it wouldn't be that easy. His cheek smeared with his blood. "Jared, don't you dare." I tried to sound strong. I couldn't.

I could still hear Jensen smashing away at Beelzebub.

Erin choked back a sob and Jared body went completely limp. His warm blood on my hands, I fell over Jared's body as my body wracked with sobs. I didn't care about all the blood on me. I didn't care. I screamed again, loud and long until my throat felt like it was on fire; as if my screaming would somehow restore his soul to his body. Wake him up from this sleep he seemed to be in. But he wasn't sleeping. I knew that.

Suddenly my body filled with so much rage I didn't believe I could contain it. Everything in me was on fire. I looked up from Jared and over at Jensen still punching the demon.

" _Jensen_ ," I said so maliciously it didn't even sound like my voice. Slowly, I stood up and Erin was gazing at me, looking shocked.

Jensen stopped for a moment to look at me, taking in the sight of me, shirtless and covered in his best friend's blood. His face drained. He knew.

I stumbled over to the twisted blade that had fallen out of Beelzebub's grasp beside him. Jensen moved off of the broken body that was once Pedro and now was Beelzebub. But only Beelzebub existed to me now. My vision was red hot with anger.

" _You killed him!_ " I yelled angrily to his smashed face. Somewhere under there was a demon. His face drew into a small, salacious smile.

"I'll see you around," he gargled through the blood on his face. His pitch-black eyes faded and returned to Pedro's natural tan irises.

"NO!" I yelled, thrusting the knife into his body, but it was too late. Beelzebub was gone. The body was soulless.

I fell to the ground with the momentum I put into the move, but Jensen was there to catch me. With that one movement, everything drained out of me. I didn't have the strength to stand. I didn't want to. I felt as if I might pass out.

I looked over at the body of Jared, blood still pooling around him. Erin still held his face in her lap, lightly stroking his hair like she was his mother comforting him as a child.

The sobs wracked my body again as Jensen held me tightly.

* * *

_*Rise, O darkness,_

_As I bring thee to life,_

_be free of your chains._

_Rise, rise._

_We welcome thee,_

_to life._


	13. Chapter Thirteen

I don't know what was told when the body was being prepared. Accident from filming? Mugging? I didn't care. I didn't want to know. None of us attended the funeral. The logical reasoning was because it was too public, and there was, now more than ever, a constant threat of demons finding us. But even if that weren't true, I still wouldn't have gone. I couldn't face Genevieve or young Thomas. She lost the love of her life and he lost his father. He was too young to even understand. He would grow up without a single memory of his father.

The following week back at the house was eerie. I would walk around, expecting to see him towering over me at any moment, walking around the corner. Making me a sandwich. Playing in the snow that began to fall the next day. That would never happen again.

I tried to stay up in the bedroom most of the time for this reason. If I didn't move, then I wouldn't expect to see him everywhere. With the door shut and jackets stuffed into every opening of the door, I wouldn't have to expect to hear his laugh or his infrequent phone calls to Gen.

Jensen had broken a finger or two smashing in Beelzebub's skull, so he wore splints on them for a few weeks. His knuckles were bruised up pretty bad so Erin had to help him lift or open things a lot.

Jim had a concussion and spent the next few days laying down for most of the time. Occasionally he would make food for all of us. Simple things – mac and cheese, sandwiches, spaghetti.

I felt a little bad for Erin – she had to sleep in Jared's room now. I could only expect how awkward that must feel. Not to mention wondering how to interact with us all. She was brand new to his whole thing like how I was a few months ago, but none of us were in the proper mental state to really get her up to speed or become close friends.

The house was quiet. All the time. Everyone was afraid to talk, to break the strange silence that settled over everything. But I think most of all, everyone was afraid to speak to me and we all knew why. It was my fault. Jared had died, all because of me. If I hadn't gotten into the car crash so long ago, my soul wouldn't be at the price it was now. And even further back thirteen generations ago. "Fuck Up" was written over my entire family line.

I thought I knew what pain was. I thought I felt it when I crashed. I thought I felt it when Erin was taken. I thought I felt it when I believed Jensen was dead. But this…. there were no words for it. Heartbreak doesn't begin to cover it. This was more like feeling like my heart had been punched out of my chest, run over by a semi-truck, and eaten by a wild pack of wolves. I could feel my entire body crumbling away. I wished I was dead, but that would only make things worse. So instead, I was stuck in a cycle of self-loathing. I wished I could have been anyone else. Anyone. I would even trade places with Rachel in a second.

I hadn't seen Rachel, or really any other ghosts, since the attack. Occasionally I would think I saw one out of the corner of my eye, but they were never there when I looked.

Every night Jensen would come into the bedroom and sleep with me. Every night I would cry to myself silently, trying not to disturb him. Did he hurt as much as I did? I never saw him cry. Maybe he was trying to hold it together as much as I was, but I was tearing at the seams. He would hold me as he fell asleep, but I could never sleep. Images flashed before my eyelids, and they terrified me. All of his blood, soaking into every crevice of my being. Drowning, gasping for air in it. _My fault, my fault, my fault_ , my mind would tell me ceaselessly. I could only sleep in small increments.

I could only wonder what the funeral must have been like. Larger than life, just like he was, I guessed. I could just see Thomas running around with his grandparents chasing after him as friends tried to console Genevieve. It hurt to even imagine him, pale, plastic-looking face lying in a coffin, dressed in a suit with his hands crossed over his abdomen. I knew that under his white shirt, over his left pectoral, was a hole the size of my thumb that had drained the life out of him.

Every now and then I would wonder where all the ghosts, especially Rachel, were. Maybe something happened during the attack that changed something. Maybe I couldn't see them anymore. Was that so bad? Besides Jared, I felt a twinge of guilt towards Rachel. I skipped to conclusions back there too easily. She hadn't shown anything but kindness and loyalty to me. Why would I have thought she had anything to do with it all? Stupid, stupid.

I kept hoping I'd see Jared as one of them – as a ghost. But the longer it was that I didn't see any of them, not even Rachel, the less hope there was.

Everything hurt. Everything throbbed, mentally and physically. I woke up from my short naps with throbbing headaches. Jensen told me I cried in my sleep. I lied and said I had nightmares. But that wasn't true. I didn't dream – everything was just black, like inside that iron box. Time just passed, nothing happened. I didn't know why I cried, but I did. No – I knew why.

A throb began in my stomach, right about where Richard's knife went in. I knew it wasn't infected or reopened or whatnot. It was just a psychological pain. My stomach constantly felt like it was dropping – perpetual guilt.

A week went by quickly – too quickly. I didn't know how. I watched the sun rise and set, and then the moon doing just the same. Day after day, night after night. All I did was lay in bed, occasionally eat small bites of whatever Jensen or Jim made – I never quite tasted it – and then just after sunset, Jensen would come in, pull me tight to him, and fall asleep.

"You have to come out," Jensen told me exactly seven days after the attack. I counted them. "At some point."

I had barely spoken besides the occasional "thank you" whenever food was brought in.

"I know." My voice cracked from disuse. I did know, but I didn't want to. I wanted to stay in this solitary confinement. I deserved this – I needed to be punished. Jared's death was my fault. I needed to pay. It wasn't fair to Jared. If I left, became the person I was before this terror happened again, I felt as if I would be betraying Jared in some way. "I will soon. Promise."

It was early morning. The sun was still rising. Jensen's arm around my waist hugged me closer. He sighed as if about to fall asleep again.

I wanted to ask him why he didn't hate me, or why Jim didn't hate me. I know what he'd say, though.

"It's not your fault."

Directly, it wasn't. I wasn't the one with the gun. I didn't pull the trigger. I did everything I could to stop the blood. But it was my family, my bloodline, my soul that put us all in that situation.

We both fell asleep again. Later when I woke up, I think that was the first time all that week that I woke up feeling well-rested. The sun was high up. I had never slept more than an hour at a time, and now it was almost midday.

I stretched for a moment, taking advantage of the empty space beside me. When I got up, I went straight to the bathroom. I showered for a long time. I couldn't remember the last time I felt so clean. I changed into a fresh pair of jeans – a real change compared to the sweats I'd been wearing – and a grey, long-sleeved shirt. The house's heating was minimal. Really all we relied on were several space heaters, battery operated. When I stepped out of the bedroom, I immediately matched eyes with Erin.

A small smile spread across her face as she said, "You're awake!" I smirked in response. "Jensen said he'd left you still asleep. He didn't want to wake you."

I ran a hand through my hair. "I slept great, actually."

Her smile grew gentler. "Good, I'm glad."

An awkward moment passed before I said, "Hey can we… can we talk?"

She shut the door to Jared's – no, _her_ – room. "Um, yeah. Sure."

"Can we go outside? I could use the fresh air."

She looked almost relieved at this offer. I didn't know whether it was because she felt trapped in here like I so often did earlier when I first arrived, or because I actually _wanted_ to go outside for the first time in a long time.

"Yeah, definitely."

We walked down the stairs. I could see the stares of Jim and Jensen boring holes in me as we pulled on our jackets. Opening the screen door, we walked out to the porch and sat on the steps. I really hoped the guys weren't listening in.

"How are you?" I asked after a moment of looking around. Leaves littered the ground, and Jim's lonesome black car sat down a ways. I tried not to think of them loading Jared's body into it to deliver it to the hospital, where we all know he'd be pronounced dead.

Erin gawked. "How am _I_?" She shook her head. "I should be asking _you_ that, Andy."

I rubbed my eyes. I didn't want to talk about it, any of it, but this was all new to her. I could only imagine how terrifying it all must be.

"I'm still trying to figure it all out," I eventually said.

Erin looked ahead. "Yeah, me too."

"I'm sorry for dragging you into all of this, Erin. I would take it all back if I could."

Her hand was suddenly on my arm. "None of this is your fault, alright? I had been worried sick about you when I found out you hadn't come back after the convention. I'm just glad you're okay."

"The second we found out the demons were moving in on you, we went to your place and… there was so much blood, Erin." I shook my head. _Blood. Death. Jared_. "I thought the worst."

She chuckled. "You don't think I'd go down without a fight, do you? No, I nicked one of the guys pretty bad. I wanted to kill him when I saw he'd gotten blood on that blanket you got for me, back during fall break."

A small smile broke out on my lips. "Damn him."

A silence settled around us and I just looked out across the field on the other side of the road. Tall, uncut, unkempt grass swayed in the cold breeze. The _shhh_ of the stalks hitting each other was soothing, almost lulling me back to sleep.

"So," Erin said, breaking the silence, "demons are real? What else is?"

I sighed and looked over at her. "Ghosts."

"Ghosts?"

I wanted to laugh at her incredulousness. "Yeah, that's how we knew they were after you."

I could see her mind turning. "So, what, this place is haunted?!" She turned back to the house, inspecting it.

I chuckled. "No, no, it's not haunted. I can… well, I can see them. Or could. They're gone now." _Still trying to figure that out_.

Her eyes dragged from the house to me. "You can _see_ them?!"

I explained the whole car crash/soul splitting thing to her. I tried to keep out the part of the family lineage. One thing at a time.

"Whoa," she gasped at the end. A moment later she said, "I've always wondered how that whole thing works. So, heaven is real? And so his hell?"

_Here it goes._

"So are angels."

" _Angels_?" She truly looked like she would pass out from shock.

"Look, if this is too much we can–"

She shook her head furiously. "No, no. It's just… whoa. _Angels_?" I shrugged, not sure what to tell her. "Okay, so that's why they wanted you? The demons, I mean. For the whole soul-thing?"

I sucked in a breath. "Sort of. There's… something else. I didn't even know until… until a week ago. You were still unconscious when he came in and told me. Apparently, in some older version of the Bible, there was a prophecy, and it was about me." I told her what Beelzebub told me and watched as her face went unchanging. I couldn't tell if she was going into shock or that these things just stopped fazing her.

When I was finished, she took a moment, let out a breath, and blinked rapidly. "Okay. Um. Wow. So you're like… famous in this war, then?"

I snorted. "You could say that, but really I'd give anything not to be."

Another silence fell, but I was okay with that. I didn't realize how much I missed being around Erin. This was the most I'd talked in a whole week, and I couldn't have been happier that I was sharing it with her. For a brief moment, I had forgotten about Jared. The entire week he'd been plaguing me, but now I felt like I could finally crack a smile – or at least a small one. I finally felt a piece of me fit back into place. I felt like a puzzle: I was all put together, but when Jared died everything just kind of shattered. Sitting here, talking to Erin, I felt like the pieces were finally starting to come back together. Slowly, but it was happening.

"I wish you could have met Jared," I muttered, wringing my cold fingers together.

Silently, she whispered, "Me too."

My eyes began to sting with tears. "He was… he was so kind, so gentle. He was always on my side, you know?" I told her the whole event with Sheri, and how we ran off to confront Richard, how he risked his life for mine. "Jensen – he was always the rational one. Jared was just happy to be around people, I think." I fingered the leather necklace with the charm that prevented me from being possessed. "He always has – had – your back." I wiped underneath my eyes. "I miss him. And the world will never know how bravely he died."

 _"I don't regret…"_ His last words.

"No," said Erin, "but we will. And I think that counts for something."

I nodded slowly. "It's just… his poor wife. And _son_!" Energy built up inside of me and I stood up, not feeling so cold anymore. "It all just makes me so _mad_." I kicked around the leaves on the ground, but that didn't really relieve me at all.

"I know. And it should!" Erin stood as well, her arms crossed over her chest. "Use that anger to _do_ something."

I spun around to her. "Do what?! I can't fight back – I'd lose and that _can't_ happen."

She wrapped her arms around me. "We'll figure something out."

* * *

When it happened, I almost didn't catch on. I thought it was normal, but it took me a moment to realize: no, it wasn't normal. Everything had changed. I wished it didn't. I wish _it_ – the outcome of the prior week – hadn't changed anything. But it did.

The following day after Erin and I talked everything out, Jim and Jensen accepted me wholeheartedly back into the groove of things, sandwiches and all. It was a particularly cold day. All the space heaters were on but I don't think they did much unless you were pressed up right beside them, and even then it only warmed up that small part of your body.

"Remind me why we can't just stay in a hotel?" asked Erin, bundled up in about four layers of things.

"It's just not safe," said Jim, scarf half-muffling his voice.

Jensen placed a sandwich in front of me. Erin was already biting into hers.

"It's not all that safe here, either," she said through bites. "We'll all die of frostbite at this rate."

I still flinched at the D word but no one seemed to notice.

I eyed my sandwich and told the guys, "We need to switch it up. Turkey and cheese is really getting nauseating."

"I don't think it's bad," said a familiar voice behind me. At first, I didn't process that it shouldn't be possible.

"It's been months and it _is_ bad–" I stopped myself. No, that's impossible. That voice… I dropped my sandwich and spun around in my chair.

"Andy?" called Jensen.

I gasped. There he was, towering in the room, plaid shirt and long hair. Aside from the blood splotch on his chest and his translucent-ness, I would have thought he was real, that he was alive.

"Jared," I whispered. I wanted to hug him. Was I hallucinating? Was this all a dream?

Jared smiled. "It's good to see you again, Andy."

A tear fell onto my lap. "You're here? You're really here?"

After so long of believing I couldn't see them anymore, none of this felt real.

"Jared's here?" asked Jensen behind me.

I spun back around to face everyone. "I-I think so." I turned back to him, half afraid he had disappeared and I really _was_ just hallucinating. But there he was, still standing in front of me. "Tell me this is real."

"I'm here," Jared said, still smiling. "It's me. It's real."

I blinked quickly, still unable to believe he was really here. "Where have you been? I thought… I thought I'd lost my ability."

Jared took a step closer into the room. "Rachel thought it best that I let you mourn first. Plus I wanted to see my family, my funeral. Everyone's dream, right?" He cracked a half-hearted laugh.

"Rachel? You've been with Rachel?" I asked. Luckily, everyone behind me stayed quiet. I'd tell them everything later.

Jared nodded. "She's actually been pretty good to me. Weird, huh? She's been really understanding. But I couldn't wait to see you all again. I had to come back."

"Where is she now?"

As if on cue, she appeared next to Jared. "Hey, Andy." Shockingly, her bruises looked partially healed and she looked a bit more… _real_. I'd seen that before in Sheri. I thought it was odd then, but I think I began to understand it. She was beginning to move on.

I let out a sigh of relief when I saw her. "Oh, thank God. I thought I couldn't see you guys anymore. I didn't know if something Beelzebub did 'fixed' me or whatever."

"No," said Rachel, "I thought the only way for Jared to move on was for _you_ to move on, with your mourning. I've kept an eye on you, and you looked better. But he's still here. He didn't move on so…" She shrugged.

My heart dropped. "So now we need to find a way."

Jared shrugged. "I don't mind being here, Andy. I know it's not _me_ that's keeping me tied here. I have a theory that it's not the person themselves that keeps them here. It's that other people have to do something for them to move on. I just need to find who that person is and figure out how to help them."

"But if it's not me then…"

"I don't know," Jared muttered. "Like I said, it's just a theory. Sheri only moved on when her husband came to peace. Maybe it's Genevieve but we'd actually been in talks of a divorce when I died."

I gaped for a second but pulled myself together. "And Thomas is too young," I muttered, picturing the little toddler running around at the funeral, being blissfully ignorant of the occasion.

I turned to the other three and told them everything. They also couldn't think of anything. It wasn't us holding him back. As much as we loved him, we wanted him to move on and find peace. There weren't many other people in Jared's life – being a celebrity (which I often forgot about now) – was kept mostly private. He didn't have many friends or family left anymore, nor did they really need him. So there was no reason he would need them to move on.

"Maybe it has to do with the whole mission we were on, before all of this? My soul and whatnot," I offered.

Jared shrugged. "Maybe, but I could be here forever until we figure what to do."

"Well," I said, sucking in a breath, "Let's get thinking."

* * *

We all talked it through for the rest of the day, and deep into the night. Nothing was solid, though, or it was outright dangerous. Jensen even offered to summon Beelzebub to question him, but I refused. There was no way I would allow anyone else near him, after what he did to Jared. Plus there was no guarantee he'd even tell the truth. There was one very obvious option no one suggested, and that was the angel option. Now I knew the real truth why Jensen fought so hard against them, aside from his previous fiancée. Or maybe since I was the thirteenth generation, I couldn't even be one anymore. I didn't know. I was too afraid to ask. There was no way to really get answers anyways. I didn't even know if my dream from a few weeks ago was real. Did I really dream that angels were talking to me? That same warm, bright light was in the warehouse a week ago. That couldn't be a coincidence, could it?

The moon was almost gone by the time everyone went to bed. Jensen, as always, curled into me.

"Jensen?" I asked.

"Mmm?" He was already falling asleep, despite the fact we had just crawled into the bed.

I rolled over to face him. His eyes were closed, and I could see his high cheekbones and sharp jawline from the fading moonlight. "When you came back into the warehouse to save us all – there were angels there, weren't there?"

"Yes," he said eventually. He opened his eyes then, connecting them with mine. Their beauty always caught me off-guard, almost making me gasp.

"How?" I asked.

He sighed. "I don't want to talk about this." He closed his eyes, luscious green orbs disappearing. I thought back to the warehouse where I thought I'd never see them again. I quickly blinked the memories away.

"Well, I do!" I whisper-yelled. "You owe me this. Stop hiding things from me, Jensen!" I said, referring back to the thirteenth generation prophecy. "I can't take it anymore."

He sighed again. "Andy–"

"Damn it, Jensen!" I shot up in bed, releasing the warm body heat we had collected. Goosebumps prickled my arms. "Just tell me!"

He took a moment to collect himself. He sat up as well on the bed and couldn't meet my eyes. "Look it… it was an angel, okay?"

I stopped. "An angel?" I blinked. "You hate them."

He slowly nodded, eyes flicking around the room. "I ran out of the warehouse and when I realized you weren't in the car anymore, one appeared to me. Without saying anything to me, they grabbed my arm and we were suddenly back in the house."

"What house? This house?"

He nodded. "They said they had been watching me, but when I went into the warehouse, they couldn't see me anymore. They couldn't see you because of the whole prophecy thing – apparently, it masked you from all of them except Aamon, that angel that can see the future. But they could see me. They told me to gather your things – they would gather others to save you and everyone else. Your personal things would help them trace you, in case they had taken you somewhere besides the warehouse."

I sat there silently, still in shock that they wanted to _save me_. It was odd because of what Beelzebub had said about my entire family line being killed off by angels.

"Save me?" I gasped. "Are you sure?" I had told Jensen about the murdering off of my family.

He nodded. "I know. But I believed them then. What other option did I have?"

"And so it took them _three days_ to gather them all up?" I asked him incredulously.

"Time moves differently to them," he told me. "They're immortal. One day to us feels like an hour to them."

"And you just… sat around here, doing nothing?"

His face hardened. "What other choice did I have?! The car was back at the warehouse – I had no way to get back to any of you."

 _They saved him_ , my mind told me, recalling the story of the demon not able to get Jensen when he ran out of the warehouse. But that didn't change the fact that they were part of the breed that murdered both of my parents.

He continued, "When they came back, they told me the fight had begun. I grabbed my gun, reloaded now, and they brought me back to the warehouse. Right in the middle of everything I tried getting to the iron room in the middle but _he_ got there before I did." He shook his head. "I did everything I could, Andy, I promise."

I nodded and lay back down in bed, wanting to forget the whole ordeal. I turned my back to him and curled up. Jensen didn't move, staring down at me.

"Where are they now?" I asked. "They angels, I mean. Are they still… watching you? Whoever saved you from the warehouse."

There was a moment, and then he also went back down into the bed, his arm slipping around me as usual. He sighed as he did and said, "I don't know."

"Okay," I said, closing my eyes. After a while, I heard his heavy breathing, signaling he was asleep. I stayed still for a while longer, just to make sure. I shifted away and his hand slipped away. I froze, to make sure his breathing remained the same. It did. So, slowly and quietly, I climbed out of the bed. I pulled the first sweatshirt I saw over my head – I saw it was Jensen's by the size after the fact – as cold shivers ran over my body. I tiptoed out of the bedroom, and Jensen remained asleep.

I managed to make it down the stairs, slip on my boots and jacket, before Jared appeared next to me, almost making me scream.

"Where are you going?" he asked after I jumped.

"Jesus, Jared," I breathed, grabbing my chest. My heartfelt ready to pop. "I know that you don't really make noise anymore, but you can't just sneak up on me like that!"

He cracked a meek smile. "Sorry. I'm still getting used to… all this."

I nodded. "I know." It was weird, having him here but… not having him here. To everyone else, I was talking to air. I was the lucky one in this situation, but I did not feel that way.

"Why are you leaving? It's almost dawn – you should be sleeping." He eyed my clothing oddly.

"It's none of your business, Jared."

"Au contraire, Andy. You're kind of important to me right now – I can't have you walking off into the woods all alone in the middle of the night. Who knows what could happen? If you can't sleep, just sit down and we can talk."

I shook my head. "It's not that. I won't be alone." It slipped out before I could stop it, but I said it and I couldn't take it back.

"You won't? Who else are you going with?"

There was no one around, so I knew I couldn't very well lie to him. Everyone was asleep. It was just he and I.

"Can we talk outside?" I asked. "I don't want to risk waking anyone up."

Without even waiting for a reply, I wedged open the door and quickly slipped through the crack, so as to not let any cold air into the already-freezing house. I shut it gently and turned around. Jared was already there, waiting.

"What's going on, Andy?" he asked suspiciously.

"Okay, look – I can't just sit around and wait for everyone to decide _my_ fate for me. I've heard rumors and prophecies that I don't know are even true! Thirteenth generation or not, I have control over myself – not the angels, not the demons, not even you guys. I know you want what's best, but for once I want to take things into my own hands."

Jared listened intently to all of this, without saying a word. If I had any doubts as to whether or not this was truly him and not some trick of my brain, they were washed away with this. He had always listened to me and took everything I said into account. He was the best friend anyone could have. He was the epitome of the word.

Jared's face still looked confused as he tried to piece together the puzzle I was weaving. "And so you're…?"

I took a deep breath, preparing for his reaction to what I was about to say next. "And so I'm confronting the people who started this whole ordeal. The angels."

His eyes widened. He seemed too shocked to even form coherent words. I was sure that if he had a physical body, he would begin pacing along the floorboards of the patio. I wrapped my arms around myself as the cold began to sink into me and through all of my layers of clothing.

"You've got to be kidding me," he finally said.

"Afraid not, buddy."

"Andy!" he exclaimed. I was about to tell him to quiet down before remembering I was the only one who could hear him.

"Save it, okay? I'm not doing anything drastic. I just… I need to face them and see what's true and what's not. I know they have been watching over Jensen. Maybe I can contact them, somehow." I ran a hand through my hair. I really did not want to do this, but I had no other options. I needed answers, and this was the only way to get them.

Even though he was only a ghost, I walked around Jared and bounded down the steps of the patio. I headed around the house, towards the back where it was up against the woods. I thought maybe the trees and distance would be best to keep any noise from entering the house. Plus it kept me from being out in the open, where anyone could see me. Anti-possession necklace or not, I didn't want to risk anything. I could feel Jared trailing behind me. Whether he was on board with this or not, I couldn't tell. But I knew he would support me, even if he couldn't do anything to save me if something went wrong.

After I had walked a ways into the dense woods, while still keeping the house in sight, I stopped just before a small stream that was beginning to freeze in the coldness of the night. I had to be careful not to slip on any frost on the moss underneath my feet.

I sighed and turned my head up to the sky, not really sure how to do any of this.

"Do you have a clue as to how I'm supposed to… contact them?" I asked Jared.

"None. We never had to. I know Jensen tried but nothing came of it."

I kept my face turned up to the sky, as it slowly began to get lighter. Exhaustion had kicked in before I even left the safety of the bed with Jensen. I knew I would regret it if I didn't try, though, so here I was. I had to do this quickly before everyone began to wake up.

I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath, preparing to pray. This was a kind of prayer, right?

"Whoever is up there," I whispered, "I call you."

 _This is ridiculous_.

I peeked open my eye and glanced around me. Nothing but the dim glow of Jared beside me. I let out a sigh and turned to him. He shrugged.

This time I forced my voice to be stronger, harder. "Angels," I called, "I know you're there. I know you're watching Jensen. We need to talk."

It took a couple moments, but the area around me went from freezing cold to the warmth of the sun in summer in seconds. Light filled my eyes and I had to shut them and turn my face away or else be blinded. Just as soon as it came, it faded and the air went back to frigid.

I turned upright again and almost fell down when there was suddenly someone there before me, someone aside from Jared. A small gasp escaped his ghostly lips, probably in shock of seeing her after all these years. That was how I knew it was her.

"Caitlin?" Jared gasped.

She had short, ginger hair, just above her shoulders. Her pale, olive skin was dappled with freckles, and she looked absolutely, perfectly angelic. Which, I guess, made sense. She was a few inches taller than me and was wearing a long, white gown that looked more like a robe but still showed her feminine frame.

"Andrea," she said, her voice tinkling like little tiny bells. I could easily tell how Jensen had fallen in love with her. She was beautiful. No, beyond beautiful. There wasn't even a word to describe her. "It's so nice to meet you."


	14. Chapter Fourteen

I was at a loss for words. Nothing seemed right to say. So _this_ was the girl Jensen had fallen in love with, and lost to the angels. It all felt… dreamlike. Surreal.

"It's nice to meet you, too," I finally said.

"So?" she asked. "What can I help you with?"

Questions swarmed my head, each one flitting past; equal with the weight they carried.

"You helped back at the warehouse," I said. I think I meant it come out as a question, but it didn't sound that way.

She dipped her head in a slight nod. "I did."

"So… you saved Jensen?" She nodded again. "Thank you."

Her lips curved into an ethereal smile. "It wasn't his time."

My face hardened, remembering again what Beelzebub had told me. "But it was my parents'? Grandparents'?"

Caitlin's brows furrowed, and she asked, "What are you talking about?"

"Look, I-I know _you_ had nothing to do with it. But your kind killed my entire family." The memory of being told about my parents flooded me, and tears stung my eyes. Her face changed to that of recognition.

"Ah," she said, a grin appearing, "That."

I curled my hands into fists. She was _smiling_? Knowing angels had killed my entire family line, and she _smiled_?

"Andy, I know what you're talking about, and you have it all wrong. Is that what Beelzebub told you? That the angels have been killing your family?"

Suddenly my fists dropped. "What?"

My head swam. Who was I to believe? Who was telling the truth anymore?

Caitlin took a breath and nodded. "Alright, Andy, look. The warehouse was warded from our knowledge – we couldn't see anything that happened inside. We didn't know how many demons were inside, so the second I saw Jensen come out, we knew they were outnumbered. It was either him or you that I could save, and I knew they wouldn't kill you. And…"

 _She still loves him_.

She shook her head to clear her thoughts. "Anyways, I saved him because he could tell us how many of them there were. We had to know their numbers before we charged in, and were overwhelmed as well. I am sorry, Andy. I didn't have the time to wait."

I blinked. "But this doesn't explain my family."

"Right, yes. What did Beelzebub tell you?"

I explained to her what he had said – about Rosier, Aamon, and trying to avoid the thirteenth generation. Even as I said it, it sounded insane. She nodded as I spoke, listening and taking everything in. Jared stood by quietly, watching this whole encounter.

"That is only half true," she told me. There was something about her tone of voice, and how she stood, that made me actually believe her. "Rosier did breed with a human, and that _did_ begin the prophecy. We knew the demons would use Aamon to their advantage, to follow the family's movements as time went on. Aamon was never a double agent, Andy. He was working with us the whole time.

"Contrary to what Beelzebub told you, we did not want your family line to end. Your lineage was the most powerful line since Jesus Christ. There is nothing holier than having angelic DNA in your blood. As generations go on, the angelic DNA only grows stronger, and gets the strongest with the thirteenth generation. That is why Beelzebub wanted you – only at the culmination can Lucifer be released. After the thirteenth generation, the angelic DNA becomes nonexistent."

"Then…" I shook my head. "Why kill them?"

"It was either they came with us, or they went with the demons. We made sure they lived long enough to have at least one child, to keep the generations going. The thirteenth generation isn't _just_ for opening the pathway. Andy, you're the most sacred person alive. The blood running through your veins is holier than anything on this planet. It took thirteen generations to gather the strength it needed for the power you now possess."

I gawked. "P-Power?"

"You have the choice to become something greater than any other person has ever been. You can choose your side."

"Side?" I shook my head. "Side of what?"

"Of the ever-waging war! Demons, angels. You can choose whether to become one of them or one of us. We did not kill your family, Andy. We welcomed them into ours."

"Your…" I let my voice trail off. I stepped back a pace, almost tripping over a log. I caught myself on the trunk of a tree, cutting my hand in the process. I could feel the warm dribble of blood fall down my palm. "They're angels now? All of them? My mom and dad? Grandparents?"

She nodded, smiling. "Every single one. We've been watching you, as well."

I looked down. "What about the accident?"

Caitlin shook her head. "That was not our doing, that I promise. You had yet to make your decision. It was either a part of your path of life, or the demons trying to claim you as their own before you were able to make your decision. I don't think they thought you'd come back. But that's just who you are – you're a fighter. You proved that with Sheri." She beamed at me.

"And now?" I asked. She cocked her head to the side. "Do I have to choose now?"

"No," she answered, "you don't have to make your decision until you are ready. But you should know, Andy – time is of the essence. The sooner you make the decision, the better. For everyone."

The sun was peeking over the horizon, illuminating the trunk of the trees around me, and showing the leaves littered on the ground covered with dew. Everyone would be waking up soon. I had to cut this conversation short.

"Thank you, Caitlin," I said, feeling as if I should bow or something. It hadn't quite struck me yet that I had just had a conversation with an actual angel.

She smiled at me, her face absolutely radiant. "If you ever need anything, just ask. I watch over Jensen, and so I can see you as well, but only through him. So stay with him, and you will be safe. And when you make your decision, just call me like you did today and I will come."

I nodded. Just as I was about to turn away, I said, "My parents – do they know? About all of this?"

"Yes," she said, "They were informed after their…passing. They know about you now as well, your plight. They wish they could visit you, your parents, but it just isn't allowed. I can only be here because I knew you had questions that needed to get answered. Otherwise, we aren't allowed to intervene in anything."

"But you saved Jensen…"

She looked down. "Yes well… I wish I could say it was for the greater good but, to be honest, I still hold a dear place in my heart for him. I don't think I'll ever lose that, angel or not."

My face went hot. "So then you know about us."

"Oh yes, I know," she said chuckling, "and I don't hold anything against you or him. These are the circumstances, and I am okay with that."

I sighed. "No matter what side I choose, I will hurt him."

Her smile disappeared as she said gravely, "Unfortunately, it's the way it has to be. I wish this weight didn't have to be on your shoulders – it shouldn't be on anyone's. But it is. You _do_ have to choose, Andy. And soon."

"I know," I said somberly, "I just… I need time."

"I understand. You should go – Jensen is about to wake up."

I didn't even need to ask how she knew.

"Thank you," I said again, backing away.

"Of course. And Jared," she said, turning towards the shapeless figure of Jared, "I'm so sorry about what happened to you. But it's good to see you again, even like this."

I gasped, not knowing she could even see him. He didn't either. He was speechless for a moment, gawking at her, but eventually, he managed to find his speech.

"It's good to see you, too, Caitlin," he muttered.

"You can see him!" I gasped. She nodded and I quickly asked, "Do you have any idea on how he should move on?"

Caitlin smiled, obviously knowing the answer. "I can't tell you – that whole not-being-able-to-intervene thing. But I will tell you that you will figure something out."

"Do you know my decision as well?" I asked.

She shook her head. "Think of yourself as wearing an invisibility cloak around you, Andy. We can't see your future, or even your present. I can only see you vicariously through the people around you." I sighed, wishing she just said yes and got this over with. "Go now. I will keep watching over you and Jensen."

"Goodbye, Caitlin," said Jared sadly.

"Goodbye," she said. And with a flash of light and warmth, she was gone.

I turned to Jared and exhaled. "Wow."

* * *

We walked back into the house just as Jensen came bounding down the steps so fast I was surprised he didn't fall flat on his face. The moment he saw me, relief flooded his features.

"Oh, thank God," he breathed. He ran up to me and wrapped me in his arms. "I thought they stole you away."

I didn't need to ask whom he was talking about.

"Nope," I said, his arm muffling my speech. "Just went for a short walk with Jared. I could barely sleep."

Well, it wasn't a complete lie.

Jensen sighed and let go, holding me at arm's length. "Don't do that again. Leave a note or something next time, okay? We're on high alert around here."

"Okay. I'm sorry."

Later on, while Jensen was making breakfast for everyone, Jared asked me, "Why don't you just tell him the truth?"

I was in the living room. I made sure no one would hear when I replied, "And tell him what? That I talked to his angel ex-fiancée? And that angels aren't as bad as he thinks? _I_ don't even know if everything Caitlin said is true!"

"I knew – know – Caitlin," Jared said, "She is a great person. She wouldn't deceive you, or us."

I raised my hands. "Who knows? Maybe they brainwashed her, made her believe all of this; that she is doing the right thing."

Jared shook his head. "It may have been ten years ago, but I remember Caitlin. She is smart. If she believes this is right, then I have to believe her."

"Well you're already dead, so what do you have to lose?" I snapped.

Jared's face hardened, and I knew I said the wrong thing. Before I could even apologize, he evaporated in front of me.

"Damn it," I sighed. I waited for a moment, half-hoping he would reappear but he never did. So I turned around and walked into the kitchen with everyone, feeling like shit.

It was a couple days later that someone finally came back to me. I hadn't mentioned the disappearance of both Jared and Rachel because I would have to tell everyone why they left, and I wasn't ready for that. Still, Jared didn't come to me. Instead, it was Rachel. She appeared one afternoon while everyone was out raking the leaves. I was closer to the back of the house while Jensen, Jim, and Erin were around front.

"You really hurt him, you know," she said, almost making me drop the rake.

"Who? Jared?" I asked, voice low after my surprised heart calmed down.

Her eyes were wide with disbelief. "Yes, Jared!"

I stopped raking and looked at her. She still looked almost whole. "Since when do you care about Jared? You hate men. Why the sudden change?"

I swear I saw her face get red. "He died," she said slowly. "He died, Andy. That's not something one gets through easily. I didn't have anyone to help me. I don't want that for him."

I eyed her suspiciously. "You like him, don't you?"

"What?!" she yelled. "No! Of course not!"

I couldn't hide my smile. "Oh my god!" I exclaimed. "You like Jared! This is a miracle!"

"I do _not_!" Not even she could hide the smile on her lips. "Shut up."

I chuckled and kept raking. "I can't believe it. After all this time… You and Jared."

Rachel rolled her eyes. "Not 'after all this time.' You can't say anything – to anyone."

I couldn't stop smiling. "Scout's honor."

A moment or two passed before Rachel spoke again and she said, "You really need to speak to him, Andy. He's really hurt by what you said."

"If anything, I thought you would be enjoying this time alone with him." I winked.

"Andy," she said, chastising.

I bit the inside of my cheek, nodding. "I know. I feel terrible about it."

"How are you doing, Andy?" I heard Jim shout.

"Fine!" I yelled back. I began to rake again, in case anyone came around the corner. I glanced back up at Rachel. "I want to speak to him – I do – but every time I call him he doesn't show up. I don't know what else to do."

"I'll talk to him," she said. "You two have to make up. You're his only link to the outside world. He'll go insane by himself."

"Thanks," I said with a smile. I watched her evaporate and I went on raking.

Since there was nothing else to be done in the Jared department, I let my mind wander back to everything Caitlin had said. I had a choice to make, after all. Obviously, I wouldn't choose the demons. That was the one thing I absolutely knew. I took a moment to look at my hand I had scraped earlier on the tree. It was covered with gauze and I peeled it back, revealing the fresh scab. I touched it lightly, and it stung a little. I tried to imagine my blood as something holy and angelic, like Caitlin had described. She mentioned the power I held within me, and wondered what kind of power it was, aside from seeing the dead and opening a pathway to who-knows-what. Hell? Lucifer's holding? I didn't particularly want to find out.

I glanced at the sky – more of a habit than anything, I think. I didn't actually know where Heaven was, or what about it was true. Was it actually in the sky, somewhere out in space, or did it exist on a whole different plane?

 _I wish you were here with me,_ I said in a silent plea to my parents. Their input would have been greatly appreciated at this time. For their sake, I hope what Caitlin said was true – that they really were up in Heaven. I wasn't much of a believer in all this biblical stuff before, and hearing everything from word-of-mouth wasn't so comforting either. I was the kind of person who needed physical proof for things. I supposed Caitlin was some sort of proof – angels and demons were real. But my parents? Whole family? Heaven? What part of the Bible was right about it? Was it all true?

My thoughts were interrupted by Jensen coming around and seeing me.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

I looked up like a deer caught in the headlights. "What?"

"Just standing there! Look at all this work we have to do!" His breaths came out in white puffs of air.

"Oh," I said, shaking my head. "Right. Um, sorry." I replaced the gauze and continued raking the leaves as he helped.

"Are you okay?" he asked. "You've been seeming a little… off lately."

I shook my head. "I'm fine," I said, "Just thinking."

"About what?"

I scoffed and tried to play it off. "Everything. What isn't there to think about? The world's going to Hell, and I'm supposed to help it."

Jensen dropped the rake, clearly taking this more seriously than I intended it to be taken. He stepped to me and held my face in his hands.

"Don't say that," he said. "I'm – _we're_ – not going to let that happen, okay?"

With a smile, I nodded and agreed. Anything to get the subject dropped.

"We'll figure it out, right?" I said.

He smiled. "Right."

The next two hours were used to finish raking the lawn. We couldn't set the bunches of leaves on fire because it could be a straight signal to any nearby demon of where we were, but we all crowded into the kitchen to have some makeshift s'mores over the oven.

I was silent and thinking of something that had never occurred to me before. I kept gazing at the gauze on my hand as I had before and a plan slowly came into my mind, but I couldn't talk about it with anyone. Something about what Caitlin said clicked inside me all of a sudden, and I couldn't ignore it.

Slowly, as it got darker and darker, everyone started heading to bed. I told Jensen I'd join him in a second.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Jared needs to talk to me for a second," I lied. He bought it and continued on his way upstairs.

I pulled on my coat and walked outside. I headed back into the woods, near where Caitlin and I had our talk.

"Jared?" I asked into the darkness. "Jared, I know you can hear me."

It took a few more seconds than usual, but he did eventually appear. He said nothing and just looked at me.

I wanted to get the apology out of the way so I could bounce the possible idea off him.

"Jared," I began, "look, I'm really sorry for what I said a few days ago, about you being dead. It was rash and stupid and I wasn't thinking when I said it. It's just… everything is piling up and piling up and I can't help but feel like we're all sitting ducks doing nothing while the world out there turns to shit."

He just nodded in response, but I could tell from his face he wasn't completely okay still.

"Please, tell me what to say here to help you. We really can't go on like this." I sighed.

Jared looked down for a moment, gathering his thoughts. He had probably rehearsed this in his mind over and over, just for this moment.

"Andy," he said slowly, "when you said those words to me – you, of all people – it just struck a chord in me that really hurt. You know how I feel about all this – I have to leave my wife and my son behind me. I can never see them, talk to them, _touch_ them, ever again. I thought you of all people would understand but when you said that to me, like you didn't even care, it just… it hurt."

I could feel my throat tightening. "I know, and I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. You know I would never do it intentionally. I can keep making excuses all I want, but at the end of the day it was just a mistake. I'm so sorry, Jared. Can we please get past this? I could really use someone to talk to about something."

"There are three very willing people inside that house right now to talk to," he said, "so why me?"

"Because," I said. I clenched my fist together, preparing to actually say this out loud. "Because I may have a way to help everyone in this shitty situation and end this whole thirteenth-generation stuff."

His face suddenly changed. " _What_?"

I spilled everything out in a tumble, not sure if I was making much sense. I just had to get everything out there and he could ask questions after if he needed.

He shook his head when I was finished. "How did you think of this?"

"It's what Caitlin said – about me having this amazing power inside me. It's got to have some sort of use, right?"

"Right, but–"

"Look," I interrupted, "I don't have a lot of time. I just told Jensen we had to talk for a second. I just need to know – does it sound insane? Or do you actually think it could work?"

He shook his head. "I mean, it _is_ insane. I can't tell you what to do, here, Andy. You'd have to ask Caitlin if it is actually possible. If it is… well, we'll cross that bridge when we get there."

"Okay. I'll talk to her tomorrow, I guess. Jensen is expecting me. Will you come with me tomorrow? I could really use someone beside me for the decision."

"Of course."

"And… we're okay, right?"

A twitch of a smile appeared on his lips. "Right."

I nodded. "Good. Because I really need you, Jared. Not just for tomorrow. You're the best friend anyone could ask for, you know that? I don't want to lose you."

His smile spread. "Go to sleep, Andy. We'll talk tomorrow."

I turned around and walked back into the house and into bed with Jensen. That night, I held him tighter than I had in a while. I knew that if this plan worked, I wouldn't get many more nights with him again.

I was up before most of the people in the house. Jensen rolled over in the bed when I got up, making the bed creak. Jim was downstairs in the living room.

"You're up early," he commented as he saw me heading towards the door.

"Yeah," I faltered, thinking of an excuse. "I've decided early morning walks would be best. I promise to stay nearby and within earshot."

He eyed me closely and before he could object, I was out the door with my jacket. I practically sprinted to the woods. All it took was one glance out the window and Jensen would see me and follow. He couldn't know. Not yet.

"Jared," I said as I walked. "Come out, come out, wherever you are."

He appeared in stride with me. "You're doing this _now_?"

"Got a better idea?" Honestly, I just wanted to get it over with. I couldn't let this sit inside me any longer.

"Well, no… but I didn't think we would be doing it first thing in the morning either." A moment passed as we entered the woods. "Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked.

"What other choice do I have?"

"I don't know," he said, "but there's got to be another way to do this."

I stopped suddenly in my tracks and turned to him. "Jared, we have been saying over and over that there has to be a way to fix all of this. Every plan has its risks and its downfalls. Eventually, we're going to need to pick one. And since they will all involve one person – me – I think I should get a say in which it is. And I pick this one. If it all works out the way I want it to, then everything will go back to the way it was. No Lucifer cage, no apocalypse-type deal. Done."

"I know, but…"

I sighed. "But what, Jared?"

"But what about Jensen?"

I set my jaw. "What _about_ Jensen?"

"He should get a say in this, especially for the part you want him to play afterward."

I looked down at my feet, knowing I would have to deal with that sooner or later.

"Like I said – if it works out, everything will be okay. Including him. Now, can we get this going?"

I continued walking deeper into the woods until I came across the familiar log from earlier in the week. I recognized the tree I cut my hand on as well and sighed, turning to Jared.

"Okay," I breathed, "Let's do this."

Looking up into the sky, I called Caitlin's name. It took a few seconds, but the familiar warm glow surrounded and blinded me. When I could see clearly again, Caitlin in all her beauty stood before me.

"Andrea," she said, bowing her head slightly. "Pleasure to speak to you again. And you too, Jared."

I was wringing my hands together nervously. What if it didn't work? What if she said she wouldn't do it, or it wasn't possible? We would be right back to where we started. I was sick of sitting around thinking about how to fix all of this and never coming up with a solution. This was the only chance.

I finally sighed and began.

"Okay, Caitlin – I know you said earlier I had some sort of holy power or something inside me. And that got me thinking and I may have come up with a solution to fix everything. To fix this whole thirteenth generation while choosing a side and saving just about everyone in the process."

She looked shocked. "You have?" Her eyes glanced to Jared for some sort of approval.

"It's reckless and probably not the smartest idea," Jared said, "but it's something. It's insane – so insane it just might work."

"What is it?" Caitlin asked.

I went through everything I told Jared the night previous almost verbatim. I told her in exact details: what I would need and how it would all work out. When I was finished, she was silent and her eyes were wide.

"Well," she said, "you've definitely thought out every detail."

_That's neither a yes nor a no._

"Okay but… Is it possible? Could we actually pull it off?" I asked anxiously, still wringing my hands.

Her face looked too stunned. Eventually, she shook her head and said, "I honestly don't know, Andy. This… this is over my head. I would need permission from, well, everyone. This impacts everything. I told you before – angels are not allowed to interfere. This… this goes against just about every rule we have."

I set my jaw, prepared to fight for this.

"I realize that but what other choices are there, Caitlin? This is the only plan so far with such minimal risks."

"Hundreds of years have led up to this – to you – having this power. To use it in this way would be to waste it."

I rolled my eyes and sighed. "What else am I supposed to use it for? Heal the wounded? Save the blind? I'm not Jesus Christ."

"Give me a couple of days to get the proper permissions. It's as Jared said – it's insane but just insane enough to work. I will fight for this for you, but I cannot guarantee anything."

I couldn't help but smile. "Yes! Yes, okay, that's fine."

She didn't look as excited as me. In a low voice, she said somberly, "But you have to know – if this does get approved, it will likely be happening the next time I see you. You need to prepare everyone – Jensen, Erin, Jim, all of them. They deserve to know."

My smile faded. It was like the wind was knocked out of me. "As in, in the next few days, I could be…"

She nodded. "Don't do what I did – don't wait until the last moment to tell him."

I took in a deep breath. "Okay."

"Until next time," Caitlin said, to both of us. In a flash, she was gone. As usual, I was left breathless by the meeting.

The walk back was possibly the longest one. I took my steps slowly and felt the weight each foot carried to the ground. I kept going over and over in my head how I would tell everyone, especially Jensen. I had a small idea.

"I can't believe it," Jared said as we were almost upon the house. "This is actually happening."

I almost snorted. "I've been repeating that sentence in my head since the moment you two stepped into my life." I stopped just outside the porch, picking up leaves and crushing them in my hand. I would miss that sound.

"If this all goes to plan," I said, "I could be seeing you again. You know, up there."

He cracked a small smile. "I hope so. I just… need to figure out how to do that still. It's going to be hard when you're not around to be a translator anymore."

If I could, I would have nudged him. "Hey, chin up. Soon, all of us – you, me, Jensen, Jim, Erin – we'll be together again. At least, if that's how Heaven really is. I don't know if angels mingle with the lowly spirits." I tried to laugh, but it was only half-hearted.

Suddenly the front door swung open with a creak. I turned around and saw a relieved Jensen.

"Oh, there you are," he said, "I was about to come looking for you. I told you – leave a note or something next time!"

I looked at Jared before bounding up the steps on the porch. "I told Jim where I was going." As if that was a proper excuse. I walked inside and waved at Jim in the living room, reading some magazine.

"Still," Jensen said, "You could have woken me up and told me where you were going. Where _did_ you go?"

I shrugged. "Just for a walk."

"Alone?" I could tell he was nervous about that. It was kind of cute how much he worried about me.

"Not _alone, alone_. Jared was with me."

Jensen looked around as if he was expecting to see his best friend suddenly appear. When he didn't, he had a defeated look about him.

"No offense to Jared, but he's a ghost. If something were to happen to you, how would he tell us?"

I glanced at Jared and he shrugged. He was still touchy about the whole "ghost" subject so I changed it.

"Who's making breakfast?" I asked, looking between him and Jim.

Jim put down his magazine and began to stand up, saying, "I guess I will."

"Actually," I interrupted, "Can Jensen? I've been craving those French toasts you made that one time, remember?"

Jim looked at Jensen for affirmation. Jensen looked at me, confused.

"Uh – sure. I'll just have to make sure we have the ingredients," he said and walked to the kitchen.

I waited until he was out of earshot and stepped closer to Jim who was back to reading his magazine.

"I have a favor to ask of you."


	15. Chapter Fifteen

As I stood outside the door, hand raised and ready to knock, I stopped. If I went through with this, it would mean there was no turning back. Although with the food almost done anyways, I guess there was no turning back. So with a sigh, I pressed my hand to the door and knocked twice before stepping inside.

Jensen was on the bed with a book raised to his eyes. He put the book down as soon as he realized I was there.

"Hey there, stranger." He smiled and closed his book.

As usual, his smile caught me off guard. As beautiful as he was, I didn't think it was possible to get more beautiful. But every second of his existence proved me wrong.

"What are you reading?" I asked, joining him on the bed.

He checked his book and read, " _Save Me_ , by some author named Julie Benz. I don't know, I found it on a bookshelf downstairs."

"Any good?"

With a shrug, he placed the book back down. "What's up?"

A smile spread across my lips, even though my heart was beating a thousand times a second.

"We have a date tonight. Our first, if memory serves correctly."

His lips twitched and he let out a chuckle. "A date?"

"Yeah, you know. Eating dinner. Talking. Alone. Intimate… A date."

"And where exactly will Jim and Erin be?"

"Out. Shopping or something, I don't really know. I just told them to leave for a few hours."

He laughed again. "You _told_ them to leave? They're going to get the wrong idea…"

I rolled my eyes. "If you're too stressed out about it and don't want to label it a date, then it's not a date. Just two people eating dinner." I got up as if to leave.

"Andy," he said, stopping me, "wait. I didn't say I didn't want it to be a date. I think a date with you sounds absolutely lovely."

I spun around to face him, my face lighting up. "Good. Dinner's almost ready."

"Oh, god," he said, face souring. "You're cooking?"

I smacked him in the arm. "Shut up, I can cook."

We both headed down the stairs, the house eerily quiet without its other inhabitants. Walking into the kitchen, I stirred the spaghetti before taking it off the heat and draining the water.

"Spaghetti?" Jensen scoffed from the table. "That's your big meal?"

"Hey," I said turning to him, "be nice. It's not like this kitchen is fully stocked."

He got up and wrapped his arms around my waist from behind.

"I'm kidding. I'm sure it's going to be the best spaghetti I've ever had." He leaned in and kissed my neck gently.

With the canned sauce poured in and mixed, we each filled a plate and sat down together.

After some small talk and a few bites of the meal, Jensen asked, "So, not that I don't love this, but why the date? Seems a bit… I don't know, _mundane_ compared to our everyday lives here."

I eyed him and replied, "I'll try not to take offense to that."

"You know what I mean." He reached up and took my hand in his.

I shrugged, prepared for this answer but acting like I came up with it in on the spot. "I think that's _why_ this is a good idea. I mean, if I were an outsider hearing about all the shit we've been through, I don't know if I could ever believe it. I mean, demons? Ghosts? Angels? Come on, that's the stuff of nightmares and campfire stories. I want a little reminder of what life is supposed to be like. Simple. _Mundane_."

He sighed. "I wish I had a simple life."

"Do you think we would have met? If our lives were normal?"

His eyes met mine and within a moment I knew the answer.

"I wish, Andy, more than anything I could claim you as mine in the real world. But, I think if demons and ghosts only existed – like you said – in stories, then I would be married to Caitlin by now. I don't know if that marriage would have lasted, or if I would have still married Danneel. But we can't even imagine those things. There's no point – we can't turn back time and play out all these scenarios."

_Perfect segue._

I suddenly looked down at my fork, spinning the spaghetti over and over.

"If there was a way – to turn back time – would you do it?"

He shrugged. "There's no way to know if the same things would play out. Maybe if I knew everything that was to come, I would choose different paths in life."

"Like this whole thirteenth generation thing, angels, all that?"

"Why do you keep mentioning the angels?" he asked. I couldn't help but lift my head and look at him. His green eyes met mine intensely, and I couldn't shy away from them.

I stumbled for an answer, saying, "Well, I-I mean, how can I not? They saved us at the warehouse. Saved _you_. It's hard to act like they don't exist when they _do_. And they're good, Jensen. They're not evil like you play them out to be."

"And how would you know?" he asked hotly.

I set down my fork. "They saved us. How bad could they truly be?"

 _And I've been talking to your ex-fiancée,_ I said in my mind.

Jensen shook his head. "I thought we were past all this angel stuff." He resumed his eating, taking his hand from mine.

" _Please_ listen to me, Jensen."

"I am!" he yelled, sighing and looking at me again. "I am listening, Andy. But I don't have anything else to say on this matter. The angels have ruined my life, and probably many, many others'. They aren't 'good.' They only think of themselves. They don't care whom they hurt to keep whatever balance there is in the world. They don't see us as beings with feelings and emotions – only pawns to serve a purpose. They're not good, Andy, no matter what you may think."

I set my jaw. I _had_ to get him on board. I couldn't just leave without letting him know.

"Jensen–"

"Why are you bringing up the angels again, Andy?"

I paused. "I need to say something," I said slowly, "and I need you to hear me out. I want to make you promise not to get mad, but I know that's not going to be possible. So just… promise not to say anything until I'm done, okay?"

It took him a moment. Then he looked down at his plate and around the empty house in a sudden realization.

"No," he whispered as if his voice gave out on him. "No, Andy…"

I could feel my throat close up at the sight of his eyes welling.

"Jensen," I said, trying to steady my voice, "Listen to me–"

His chair screeched as he jumped up. "Andy, don't tell me that you're – that you're becoming one of _them_?! After all I've told you! After all they've done!"

I stood as well, holding my hands out in defense. "What they've done? What they've done is save me, save _you_ , from that warehouse. They took Caitlin for a _purpose_ , Jensen."

"They only saved you from the warehouse because they _need_ you! They don't care about us, any of us!"

"And you?" I asked. "Why did they save you, then? Huh? Why did Caitlin save you, Jensen?"

He stepped back in surprise. "How… How did you know it was Caitlin?"

 _Here it goes_.

"Because sometimes, I have to take things into my own hands. Did it ever occur to anyone here that maybe, _maybe_ , I wanted to make my own decisions? I'm sick of laying around doing nothing all day while I act as a translator for Jared while the three of you figure out what to do with _my_ future."

Jensen took a step back. "Andy, what did you do…"

I pressed my lips together and clenched my fists. "I did what I had to. I didn't know originally it was Caitlin that saved you. You probably purposefully left that little detail out of your account of what happened back at the warehouse." I held up my hands before he could speak. "I'm not mad, Jensen. But please, just sit down and listen, okay?"

I could practically see the millions of questions dancing before his eyes, but he listened to me and sat down. The pasta, now practically cold, was still full on our plates.

"Okay," he said slowly, reluctantly. "Go ahead."

I wasn't sure if it was the fact that my anger flared up or the mention of Caitlin's name that got him to listen, but I didn't want to wait and let the moment pass to find out. I sat down across from him once again and let out a deep breath before beginning.

"After what Beelzebub said at the warehouse – the whole thirteenth generation, portal-to-hell thing, I decided I wanted to get the angel's side of the story as well. So I went into the woods to contact them, and it was Caitlin who came to the call. Turns out, she's been keeping an eye on you ever since she left."

"What?" he asked, but I could tell this only half-surprised him.

"Made sense that she was the one who saved you from the warehouse, Jensen. Even though she's an angel, she still has feelings for you. She may not be _in_ love with you like before, but she definitely still cares a lot about you. She didn't _have_ to save you, Jensen, but she did.

"While we were in the woods, she mentioned something about a power – a power that had been building up inside my family for the last thirteen generations and that reached its apex in me, the thirteenth generation. This power is supposedly the holiest thing on this planet." I looked at my hands, still shocked that it was _me_ that had this power. "And that got me thinking – if I had this power, what can I do with it? And it gave me an idea."

"Andy…"

"Let me finish, Jensen, please." The sternness of my voice shut him up and I continued, "There are stories of Jesus healing the blind and doing all sorts of miracles in the Bible, and I can only assume it was because he had a similar power, if not the same power. So I wondered if instead of using this for miracles, I could use it to turn back time."

I paused, gauging Jensen's reaction to the idea. Aside from his eyes widening slightly, his emotions remained unmoved. Maybe it was because he had seen this coming, or maybe he was still in shock from Caitlin. I didn't know, and I didn't want to ask.

"When I brought the idea up to Jared and Caitlin, they both agreed that while it was a bit insane, it was possible that it could solve all our problems."

"How… how far would you go back?" Jensen asked.

I took a breath. "To the day of the accident."

"You mean… _years_ ago?"

I wrung my hands together nervously. "Think about it, it would solve everything! No fight over opening the portal to Hell, no weird ghost visions, Jared would be alive, and you…"

" –would have never met you," he finished.

I turned my eyes down. "I was going to say happily ignorant, but yes, that too."

I stood up and walked over to him, and kneeled in front of him, holding his hand in mine. "Jensen, _please_ just consider this, okay? With me dead after that accident, none of this would have happened. Back at the convention, you wouldn't have to make an emergency getaway. You would be filming Supernatural with Jared and Jim, just like you were supposed to. No bumps in the road, no…. me. This whole fighting over my soul or whatever would never happen. Everything would be _right_."

He shook his head and slipped his hand out of mine. "No, Andy, it would not be right."

"It would, Jensen!" I said, standing. "It would."

"Jared agreed to this? And Jim and Erin?"

I nodded. "And Caitlin."

I had told Jim and Erin earlier in the day. Just like everyone else, they reacted with shock and sadness. Erin took it particularly badly. Crying into my shoulder she told me she would miss me, but knew that if the angels approved of it, then it was the right thing to do.

"So it's happening whether I like it or not."

"She has to get proper approval first, but… yes, if it all works out, yes. And who knows? By this time you could be dating someone! Or even _married_. You could have kids, Jensen. You've always wanted kids. And Jared could work things out with Genevieve, play with Thomas again… You would never have to worry about demons again. All they ever really wanted was me, and without me here anymore, they have no purpose on Earth anymore. Well, until another angel breeds with a human but that's a ways away."

His face softened. "Will I remember this? Any of what's happened?"

I stopped. The pain was so clear in his eyes, I didn't want to see it. I looked away and walked a couple steps toward the living room.

"I'm so sorry, Jensen," I whispered so low I wasn't sure he would even hear it.

"I love you."

My breath caught in my throat, and tears stung my eyes. I squeezed them shut and the tears came rushing down my cheeks. He had never said that to me before, nor I to him.

I slowly turned around to face him, my hands covering my mouth. I shook my head and said through my hands, "No, you don't."

He stood up and took the few steps to me.

"Yes," he said, "I do."

I shook my head again. "No, Jensen."

He scoffed. "Andy, yes I do. I'm in love with you and…" he sighed, "I don't know if I can go through with losing you, with losing _this_." He took my hands in his. "I lost Caitlin, and now I'm losing you the same way."

And this is exactly what I didn't want to deal with. The guilt.

"You won't remember me, Jensen," I said slowly. "You won't remember you loved me."

"They can't do this," he said, shaking his head furiously, "They can't do this to me. Not again."

"It's not your choice," I said, my voice cracking.

"So it's yours? You're okay with this? With losing… me?"

"Of course not! I can't let feelings get involved with this decision, though. This is the only solution we have."

"Please," he whispered, "don't."

I put my hands on either side of his face and leaned in, placing a single, soft kiss to his lips.

Only an inch away from his face, I whispered, "I'm sorry." I stepped back, dropping my hands back to my side. I could only look at him for a split second before turning away. His face held too much pain, and knowing it was from me felt like a dagger in my soul.

I walked straight out of the kitchen, my cheeks getting wetter and wetter from tears. I pulled on my coat and walked out the front door, heading to the woods again.

Before stepping into the dense forest, I turned back to the house where I knew Jensen was stuck frozen inside, breaking.

"I love you, too," I said.

* * *

The sun was falling, and I was deeper into the woods than I had ever been before. I wasn't sure if I would be able to find my way out, but I didn't care. I didn't want to go back inside the house where Jensen and I fell apart. I couldn't. I no longer cared about the demons, or the prophecy, or anything. I stumbled, my vision blurry from the tears, my lungs gasping for the air they couldn't seem to contain. This was the worst possible way I could have hurt Jensen, and I walked into it willingly. I knew what I was doing, yet I still did it.

I found a half-rotten log laying on the ground and sat on it, wiping my face and trying to calm myself down enough to breathe properly. I clutched my sides, trying to mimic the feeling of someone hugging me, thinking that would work.

 _I'm sorry,_ I said in my head, _I'm so, so, so sorry, Jensen._

"Oh, there you are," I heard a voice. "You weren't in the house and everyone's freaking –"

"Rachel, please," I mumbled, "Please just leave me alone."

"Oh my god. What happened?"

I wiped my eyes again, ridding whatever semblance of makeup I had on.

"Did you tell Jensen your plan?" she asked.

I looked up at her, shocked. "Who told you?" Of course, I knew the answer the second I asked.

"Jared," she said, stepping forward cautiously.

"Are you here to tell me how terrible of an idea this is, too?" I sneered.

"Not at all," she said. "Andy, I'm on your side, you know that. And so is Jared. I just want you to make sure you're making the right choice."

I sighed. "I don't know if I am! That's the whole point – I don't know if this will even work. Worse comes to worse, I'll be here and nothing will happen and we will just have to find another way around this. But for right now, this is all we've got."

Rachel nodded in response. "Then I'm okay with it."

Still upset after the whole Jensen debacle, I wish I could say, _Just go tell the others that I'm fine and to leave me alone._ But the fact that she was a ghost tended to barricade her from that. But… the more I looked at her, the more she looked like an actual person, not a ghost. This stunned me so much that for a moment, I forgot everything I was upset about.

"Rachel, you're… you're practically solid." Normally, the edges of her were so faded you could barely see her bruised arms or legs. Until now, I had never seen her ankles or even her feet. Now, I saw she was wearing black flats. Her arms' bruises were completely healed. Had I not known she was a ghost, I would have thought she was just another person.

"Am I?" she asked, looking at her hands and body.

"Yes!" I said, standing now. "It's amazing." I stepped closer and kept gawking. I shook my head and added, "How are you doing this?"

"I-I don't know! All I've been doing is helping Jared."

Something clicked in my brain just then. How did I not see it before? Everything started the moment Jared became a ghost. And she practically admitted to me that she had feelings for him.

"Oh my god," I gasped.

"What?"

"I know what it is – I know how to get you to move on."

"You do?"

I nodded. "Rachel, I think you have to admit that you like Jared. Maybe even love."

She took a step back. " _Excuse me_?"

"From the moment I met you, you had a hatred for all men, no matter what they were like. You _hated_ Jared and Jensen. You couldn't even stand to be in the same room as them, despite the fact that they couldn't see you or even interact with you. I think maybe _that_ was what held you here. Now that you're moving past that with Jared, you might be able to move on."

"Andy, I don't know what you're talking about, but–"

"It's not me you have to admit it to, Rachel. It's him. Whether you believe it or not, I think that's what's happening here. So if you want to move on, I think you know what to do now. It's worth a shot, isn't it?"

I saw her biting the inside of her cheek. "And if it's not that? Then what? I just stick around here awkwardly with Jared after that confession?"

I sighed. "Hopefully you won't have to. If Caitlin comes back saying they didn't approve of my plan, then maybe. But if they agree to it, then soon Jared will be back with his family."

Her face fell, and I could almost feel her heart sink. "He won't remember me, will he?"

I shook my head slowly. "He won't remember any of this."

"Don't get me wrong," Rachel said, "I do think your plan is a good idea. It just… kind of sucks."

I gave her a half, reassuring smile. "Believe me, I know." I sighed. "Did you know Jensen said he loved me?"

Her eyes flashed. "He did?"

"He did, but I told him he was wrong. He didn't love me. We've been cooped up inside that house with only each other as company for months. He just _thinks_ he loves me. Had we been out in the real world, I don't believe he would."

Rachel stepped forward. "But you're not _in_ the real world, Andy. _This_ , this is all you've got, all you've been given. If he said he loved you, then maybe he genuinely does."

I scoffed. "See? You're already getting better with men."

She rolled her eyes and stepped back. "You need to go back into that house and confront Jensen. If you do that then… I'll talk to Jared."

I turned my head back towards the clearing where I knew the house sat. I knew she was right – I had to go back eventually, no matter how much I wanted to wait outside in the freezing cold for Caitlin's final verdict.

"Fine," I sighed, "Do you want me to be there for you when you do?" I half-wanted her to say yes, for the selfish reason of wanting to see her move on if I was right. I remembered when Sheri moved on, it was more than just a beautiful sight. The feeling in the room suddenly changed in that moment – it's a feeling I could never explain in words, but it made me feel whole, warm, and hopeful. I wanted to experience that, just one more time before everything changed.

Luckily, Rachel nodded furiously.

"Please? I don't think I can do it by myself…"

I smiled. "Of course. Tomorrow morning? We can meet here, again."

"Thanks, Andy." She waved as she faded from view.

The moment she was gone, I let out a loud sigh, trying to slow my heartbeat. The woods were nearly dark now, and I knew I had to get out of there sooner rather than later. The darker it got, the harder it would be for me to find my way back. I followed the trail I remembered taking in my crying haze, and eventually made it back to the clearing. The house stood tall and impending. It looked silent from the outside, but I knew somewhere in there Jensen waited. My breath came out in a warm fog, and shivers began to erupt as the temperature went further and further down each minute.

 _Go inside_ , I tried to convince myself.

The look of intense hurt on Jensen's face kept replaying in my mind. How could I do that? How could I face him? I couldn't very well walk into that house like nothing had happened. For god's sake, he said he _loved_ me! And what did I do? I shut it down. I denied it, because why? Maybe he did genuinely love me. Did I love him back?

It came crashing down on me that maybe I did. I couldn't see myself without him. I lived for him, breathed for him. In all of this craziness, it was Jensen that kept me grounded and feeling safe. It may have been rocky in the beginning, but now I couldn't see a life without him by my side… even though I was about to do just that. The only thing pushing me forward was knowing he wouldn't remember me. He would forget all his feelings for me. Every memory of me would be wiped from his mind – I wouldn't exist to him. And he would be happy.

I stepped into the dark house. Everything was silent. I didn't know where Jim or Erin were, but it wasn't them I needed to see. Jensen wasn't in the front room or the kitchen. I walked up the stairs and saw a vague light coming from the bedroom. He knew I was coming – he must have. The stairs creaked with every step.

I knocked on the door but opened it without waiting for a response. I stepped in and saw him sitting on the bed, a candle glowing beside him as he read some book.

"Andy–" he started.

I held a hand up and he stopped. I stepped forward and sat on the bed.

"You said you loved me."

It was silent for a moment, as Jensen thought about responding.

"I do."

I took a deep breath. Despite the coldness, my face flushed. "Okay." Another deep breath. "I love you too."

"You do?" His voice rose with hope.

" _But_ ," I said, stopping whatever else he was going to say, "That can't change anything. I have to do what I think is right, not what I want to do for the sake of love. Jensen, this isn't just about you and me. This is about _everyone_ out there. I have to think about them, not me."

"I know," he said slowly. "When you were gone, I sat down and thought about it all. You're right. It just…"

"Sucks," I finished, thinking back to Rachel. "I know."

"I'm sorry for lashing out."

I touched his hand. "I didn't want the last thing we say to each other to be a fight. Any moment now, Caitlin can come down and tell me that it has been approved. And when, _if_ , that happens, I won't have much time left with you. I want to make this time count. Because I do love you."

His lips twitched into a smile. He leaned forward and planted his lips on mine. His soft lips massaged mine into opening, and I eagerly accepted him.

"I love you," he mumbled into the kiss, "I love you so much, Andy."

I place both my hands on either side of his face, pulling him closer and closer. His hand was on my lower back, pressing himself into me. I moved so I straddled him, wrapping my arms around his neck. We broke momentarily, and his eyes stared into mine with an intensity I had never seen before. I knew what he was asking, and I nodded.

His hands moved to the jacket I still wore, and slowly unzipped it. I tossed it off, letting it land on the floor with a soft thump. The rest of our clothes soon followed suit, with passionate kisses intermittently.

I had never felt anything like him in my life. Other men were in it for themselves, but with Jensen, I felt equal in giving and taking. By the end, the cold room felt stiflingly hot as we landed in a heap together, both of us satisfied.

"Whatever tomorrow brings," he said, just as we were both drifting off to sleep, "I'm happy for tonight."


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: The passage marked with a "*" will have a translation at the bottom of the page.

In the morning, I didn't want to move a single inch from where I was, wrapped in his arms as the room had returned to its chilling cold. Sometime in the night, the battery-powered space heater had died and the candle was extinguished. The only thing creating heat was the two of us, under the crumpled blankets. Something about this day told me that I needed to make the most of it, though, so I gathered some of my clothes and padded off to the shower.

When I returned to the room, Jensen was awake and pulling a sweater over his head. His hair was ruffled, and his eyes told me he had just woken up.

"Hey, you," he said, getting up from the bed and walking to me. He planted a soft, slow kiss on my lips.

My face burned. "Hey, you," I returned.

"What's on the agenda today?" he asked, heading back to the bed to make it.

I looked outside, to the position of the sun. It wasn't close to noon yet, but I knew I had to meet Rachel soon.

"I told Rachel I'd meet her this morning for something real quick. After that, the day is free."

In the distance outside the window, I could see clouds moving in. And with the chill in the room, I knew it was going to snow. I had met the boys at the beginning of spring, and I had no idea what day it was anymore. It was strange to think that much time had passed when it really didn't feel like it was that long.

"With Rachel?" he asked. "What's the meeting for?"

I sighed and ran fingers through my damp hair. "I think…. I _hope_ she's going to move on today."

Jensen stopped and stood up straight. "Move on like… _move on_ , move on?!"

I nodded and crossed my arms to preserve heat. "I hope so."

"How?"

I smiled and scoffed. "You won't believe this. She's in love with Jared."

Jensen gasped. "What? That's impossible."

I shook my head. "You would think, right? But… I don't know. They've been spending so much time together since Jared died, and I really think that helped her get over her fear, or hate, or whatever mixture of both."

"So what's happening this morning then?"

"She's telling him. I think she needs to say it out loud to him, in order to really believe it. And I'm _hoping_ that's what it is that's holding her back from moving on. I have a good feeling about it, though."

"Should I be there?"

I shook my head. "She may love Jared, but I don't think you or Jim being there would help matters much."

Jensen nodded. "Okay, well, I'll be here when you get back, okay?"

I smiled and walked around the bed. I pulled his face towards me and kissed him again. "I'll be back before you know it."

He pecked me again before I left the room. I remembered to grab my jacket from the night before off the ground as I walked out. I passed Jim and Erin at the table eating breakfast. When I stepped outside, the cold didn't bother me. My heart was beating so fast that my body felt warm. What if I wasn't right? Would Rachel hate me? And then what if Caitlin returned and said I was turned down? That would just make the air around everyone tense because I didn't think Jared felt the same way toward Rachel.

_Stop overthinking it,_ I scolded myself.

It was too late to back out now. I walked into the woods, hearing twigs snap beneath my feet.

"Rachel?" I called, still walking further into the woods.

It took her a moment, but she appeared ahead of me. It still shocked me how _real_ she looked. I would never have known she was a ghost if I came across her for the first time now. And she looked so beautiful.

"I'm here," she said, her voice shaky.

I stepped up to her and let out a deep breath. "You ready?"

"No, but let's do this anyway," she said.

I had the urge to reach out and touch her arm to comfort her but knew I couldn't. "Even if this isn't it, we know we are on the right track. We're doing something right – you look so real!"

I thought I saw her blush. "Thanks, Andy."

"Let's do this. Do you want me to call him?" I asked. She nodded, her nerves preventing her to speak. "Hey, Jared – can you come here real quick? I need to talk to you about something."

He appeared immediately. "What's wrong? Is everything okay? Did Caitlin come?" He looked at Rachel and saw the expression on her face. An even more worried look crossed his features. "What's wrong?" he asked again.

"Rachel has something she wants to tell you," I prompted when she said nothing.

"Okay…" His eyes flicked between us two, worried.

I saw her shoulders rise and fall, taking deep breaths to calm her nerves.

"Jared," she began, "I... What I'm about to say might be crazy. But… crazy is all I've got left. So, here it goes: The other day, Andy came forward and accused me of having feelings for you. And, honestly, I thought she was crazy. The more I thought about it, though, the more it actually made some sense. I never liked anyone before, because of what my father had done to me. You know I didn't trust anyone, let alone men. You… you changed that. You showed me that not everyone was as evil and manipulative as him. You showed me a kindness I had never known in my life. And as I've come to realize this, Andy has said that she can see me. That means that… that something is changing. I think I'm about to move on. In order to do that, I think this is what I need to do: I need to tell you that I love you. That I'm _in_ love with you. You don't have to say anything back or feel obligated to reciprocate. I just… needed to say that you've given me back something that I didn't think I had anymore, and that's trust. I trust you. With everything that I have, I trust you."

There was a moment of silence and everything was still. It seemed like the world has frozen in time. Then, all of a sudden the air began to change. It became warmer, and a feeling of energy buzzed around us.

I was right!

I recalled the same feelings when Sheri had moved on in the hospital. Light began to fill my eyes as I looked at a bewildered Rachel.

"You did it!" she exclaimed to me.

A sad smile came to my lips, as I knew these would be my last memories with her. In the cheesiest way possible, I said slowly, "No, it was all you."

An elated chuckle escaped her mouth. "Oh, I wish you could feel this, Andy." She closed her eyes. "I feel amazing."

I felt a tear escape my eye. "I feel it."

She opened her eyes and locked my gaze. "Thank you. For everything."

I tried to let out a chuckle but it came out more as a sob.

"Goodbye, Rachel," I whispered.

She closed her eyes in bliss and in a hot flash of light, she disappeared. Forever.

* * *

Jared walked with me back to the house, but he didn't say a word. I wished I could read his mind because his expression was blank. I couldn't tell how he was processing everything that had just happened.

"You're back already?" Jensen asked as he greeted us at the door. Jim and Erin were gone from the kitchen.

"Yeah," I said, shutting the door. "Say hi to Jared, too."

"Oh, hi Jared," Jensen said in Jared's general direction. "How did it go?"

I stepped forward and kissed him lightly on the lips. "It went well! I was right, as usual."

"So she was in love with Jared?" he asked.

I glanced back at Jared and his mouth was hung open in shock at me.

"What?" I asked.

"You _told_ him?" Jared gasped his first words since the woods.

I rolled my eyes, still on a high from earlier. "Of course I did."

"What?" Jensen giggled. "What's he saying?"

I turned back to Jensen and wrapped my arms around his waist. "He's just upset I told you that she was in love with him. _But_ ," I said, taking a step back so I could speak to both of them, "It wasn't just love. Like she said, Jared, she got her trust back because of you."

Jensen kissed the top of my head and a beautiful smile crossed his lips that I wished I could take a picture of. "That's great! I'm so happy for her."

I realized I hadn't really seen Jensen, aside from a quick moment in the morning, since everything that happened the night before. I turned to Jared and asked, "Are you going to be okay?"

He nodded, his eyes still seeming far away. "Yeah… yeah, I'll be fine."

"I need to talk to Jensen about something. I'll talk to you later though, okay? You have some things you should probably figure out by yourself anyway."

Jared nodded again and faded away. I turned back to Jensen who asked, "What do you need to talk about?"

"Is anyone here?" I asked, peering around Jensen. The house has been quiet since I entered.

"Um," he said, thinking, "I think Erin and Jim said they were going out early this morning to head into town and grab some more supplies – food and batteries and stuff. Why?"

Ever since last night, I couldn't get this one thought out of my head. I took Jensen's hand and walked to the couch and sat down.

"I have to ask you a question and I want you to be completely honest with me."

A look crossed his face that I wasn't sure whether it was curiosity or worry. "Andy, what's going on?"

"Last night when we…" I trailed off, my face getting warm. I looked away and took off my jacket, suddenly feeling very hot. "That – that wasn't for pity, right? Or, like, worry about the whole Caitlin situation?"

He let out a breath of relief and said, "What? That's what you're worried about?"

I said nothing as I watched him chuckle.

"Andy – no, of course not. I love you. There was no other thought in my mind last night but that one. You might just be the most amazing person I have ever met."

My lips curled into a small smile. "Really?"

Out of all the people he had ever met – angels, demons, actors, fans – _I_ was the one. Me. I had to keep reminding myself that this was real, and this was my reality. Jensen Ackles was here, in front of me, saying he was in love with me. We'd had sex the night before, and it was one of the most wonderful experiences of my life. Maybe _the_ most wonderful. I ruined the moment he told me he loved me, but that was nowhere in my mind then.

He put both his hands on the side of my face and kissed me deeply. "Of course," he said, pulling away for a split moment. He kissed me again.

I put my hand on his arm as we pulled away, but still remained inches from the other's face. I could feel his muscles through his fleece button-down, and nothing else crossed my mind but to rip it off him and see what he held underneath again.

And so I did.

Luckily they didn't come home for another hour. Just enough time for us to both shower and look presentable again. I really hoped Caitlin was too busy up there (or wherever) to notice the past 24 hours. No matter how much she said she was okay with us, it still didn't feel right. Then again, at moments like those, Caitlin was the furthest thing from my mind.

That night all four of us had dinner together (not sandwiches, thank god). As we ate, I turned to Jim and told him, "Jim, I'm sorry we haven't gotten to spend as much time together as we might have wanted to, but I just want to thank you for everything you've done for me. You have put so much on the line for me and I really, really appreciate it. I know how hard it must be to be away from Maddie for so long but if everything turns out all right – like I hope it will – then you will get all this time back with her, and Jared. You made this place feel like a home to me. You made me feel so welcome and so loved when the whole world was turning to shit. You bought me all these clothes and all this food, and I just feel like I haven't said thank you enough."

His face lit up and he grinned so brightly in a way that I had never seen him do before. "Wow. Thank you, Andy. That means a lot to me."

I took his hand in mine and squeezed it. I took Jensen's as well and looked at both of them.

"No matter what Caitlin comes back and says, I have really loved my time with all of you. Of course, I wished it would have been under different circumstances, but times are what they are. _If_ Caitlin comes back and says everything was approved, then I can leave here happily knowing we did everything we possibly could. Jim, you'll go back to spending all your free-time with your daughter. Jared will be alive and fix things with Genevieve, as well as seeing his son. Erin, I'm sure, will still be binge-watching Supernatural in her free time." Erin laughed from across the table. "Jensen…" My voice caught itself, and I had to swallow away the lump in my throat. "And Jensen, you'll be happy with whatever you decide. I know you'll find someone great. I'll, of course, look after you and make sure you don't get into _too_ much trouble." I had to chuckle to hide the fact that tears began pooling in my eyes. It was a sad laugh, and my smile quickly turned sour. "I'm going to miss you all so much. You gave me the best life I could have lived. You gave me happiness when I had none. You held me up when I wanted to fall. You picked me up when I broke. I… I love you all. I just wanted to say that."

Jensen stood up from his chair and came to me. He wiped away the tears as they escaped my eyes and kissed me gently once on the lips. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

Jim squeezed my hand that was still in his. "Me either, Andy. It's only been a few months but I have grown so fond of you. You're like a second daughter to me." His voice cracked, as I knew he was close to tears, too. "You're an astounding girl, Andy. Even if Caitlin comes back and says no, I'm sure we'll figure something out. We're all smart here. Well, you and I are." We all laughed and Jensen returned to his seat.

"Yeah, yeah," Jensen said sarcastically.

"I'm glad to have met you, Andy, all those years ago," said Erin. "You're the best friend I could have ever asked for."

We finished dinner and before we each headed our separate ways for the night, I hugged Jim tightly.

"Maddie has the best father a girl could ask for," I whispered in his ear.

We let go and I saw that smile return to his face. "Thank you."

Jensen took my hand and we went up the stairs to our room.

"What brought all that on?" he asked, as we cuddled that night. My head was resting on his chest as his hand drew circles on my back.

"At dinner?" I shrugged. "I realized Jim and I hadn't really talked much, especially since Jared died. I wanted to make sure he knew how much I appreciated him."

Jensen kissed the top of my head. "I'm sure he did, but he liked hearing it nonetheless."

I smiled, sleep closing in. "I hope so."

Early in the morning, a bright flash of light woke both of us up. We quickly sat up in bed, startled. Out the window, dawn was just breaking. I looked around the room, searching for the source of the light. As it dimmed we both realized it was coming from outside the room. We quickly pulled on the nearest clothing to keep us warm as we left the space-heated room. A pit in my stomach formed and I could only guess who or what it was.

We walked out of the room and saw Jim emerging from his as well, a robe tied around himself. He looked at us in as much confusion as we did. Erin slipped out a moment after him, looking groggy as well.

_Downstairs_ , I thought when I noticed the hallway was empty.

Without waiting for any of the men to take the lead (like they probably wanted, for my safety), I bounded down the steps to the living room. Sure enough, there she was.

"Caitlin."

The next thing anyone said was Jensen saying, "No."

Caitlin hadn't said whether or not it would be happening, but the look on her face told it all.

Without missing a beat after Jensen, Caitlin stepped towards me and said, "Andy, we don't have much time."

"It was approved?" I gasped.

With her lips pressed into a thin, hard line, she looked between the three of us not saying a word. Finally, she dipped her head in a nod.

"No," Jensen said again, turning to me. "No, please."

My eyes welled over with tears. "I have to, Jensen."

He knew, of course.

"I'm… I'm not ready." He turned to Caitlin. "Please, can we have some more time?"

She shook her head slowly. "I'm so sorry to hurt you like this again, Jensen."

He pulled me into him, tighter than I had ever been held. I didn't mind. I probably hugged him back with just as much force. I closed my eyes and breathed in his scent, storing it in my mind.

_Don't forget this_ , I told myself. _Don't you dare forget this._

"I love you," I muttered into his sweater, soaking the spot where my tears met the material.

I felt him nod and sniffle back his tears. "I love you, too, Andy. So much."

We let go and I stared into his gorgeous, green eyes. "You'll be okay," I told him. "You won't remember me." I tried being reassuring, but I think that only hurt him more. I turned away from him so I wouldn't have to see his face. I hugged Jim tightly as well, thanking him again for everything he did for me. "I'm going to miss you… you're like the father I never had."

"I'll miss you, too, dear." Everyone was crying at this point.

I hugged Erin next. Our sobs matched the other's as we squeezed each other tightly. "You'll be okay," I said to her. "And I'll see you again." We let go and wiped our cheeks.

I called Jared's name and he quickly appeared. He saw Caitlin and all of our expressions and knew automatically what was happening.

"I would hug you," I said, "if I could." I laughed half-heartedly.

Jared produced a sad smile. "You're doing the right thing."

With that, relief set in. He was right. This was the right thing, even if it felt like shit in the moment. I was saving myself and the entire existence of humanity by doing this. I was going to set back time to the moment of my accident and fix everything that went wrong.

"Are you ready?" Caitlin asked me.

I nodded and took a step towards her. I stopped and turned back to Jensen one last time. I ran up to him, my arms wrapping around his neck, and kissed him.

_Just one last time_.

His lips felt like velvet on mine, his body moulding to fit mine. His hands grabbed my back, pulling me towards him. I didn't care who saw. No one else mattered in that moment except him. I told myself to remember this, too; to hold it in my mind forever. After all, forever was all I had now. He would forget everything – demons, angels, _me_. But I got the bittersweet gift of remembering everything.

"Someday," I said, pulling away only a few inches, "years from now, we'll meet again, and I will tell you all of this again. You won't remember it, but I will. I won't let anything go, okay?" I wiped away a tear that slipped down his cheek.

He kissed me again, his lips trembling. "Okay."

I let go, looking at him again. Looking at all four of them – Jared, his plaid shirt and jeans he was wearing the day he was killed; Jim in his robe, his hair and beard disheveled; Erin with her red, puffy eyes as tears streamed down her face; and Jensen… beautiful Jensen. Three of the most spectacular men I had ever met in my life, and my best friend. These guys saved me, shaped me, helped me grow in the short time I got to know them. It felt more like years, but I know it wasn't.

The sun now rising, I turned away for the last time and towards Caitlin.

"So, how does this work?" I asked, my voice quivering.

She handed me a small piece of paper. On it, Latin words were written.

"Say this, and that's all there is," she said.

I wanted so badly to turn back to the four again but knew if I did I would never be able to say these words out loud. If I looked back at them, I would chicken out and change my mind. I loved them, but I wouldn't have been able to give them up if I saw the sadness on their faces.

I read through the lines a couple times, just to make sure I said everything right. The last thing I needed was one wrong word to mess up everything.

Caitlin added just before I read, "And don't forget this uses all of your power. After this, the thirteenth generation prophecy is over, and you'll be one of us – an angel." I nodded and she said, "I just wanted to make sure you were aware of everything you were about to do."

"I am."

I set my jaw and took in a deep breath. I held the paper out in front of me and read.

_"Sanguinem innocentem fundendum,_

_De familia ties,_

_Anima mea releases virtutem,_

_intus timores._

_Revertimini tempore_

_ut in articulo mortis_

_et creans limite novo."*_

Within an instant, the whole world changed. Everything moved around me like liquid, blurring together. I could see Jared's death, the snow, the convention… back, back, back. The only thing that remained the same was Caitlin next to me. She was looking at me with a reassuring smile.

"You're doing the right thing, Andy," she said, "whether you believe it or not."

I nodded, still entranced by all the moments fleeting by. "Thank you."

She moved closer. "We're almost there. Now, when we get there, there will be a split second where you are in your car again. The crash will happen just as it always did, only your soul will not return to your body as it once did. Are you ready?"

I took in a deep breath. "Will it hurt?"

She took my hand in hers. "I will be there the whole time. I will make sure you don't feel a thing. Here we go."

It was just as she said – I was instantly sat in my car, seatbelt buckled and hands on the steering wheel. I could see, out of the corner of my eye, she was sitting right next to me. I felt an extreme sense of déjà vu as I saw the semi-truck in the lane next to me swerve into my lane. I turned my wheel sharply to avoid him, falling into the ditch. My car flipped once, twice, three times. Glass shattered around me. Metal bent my body in sickening directions. I remembered the pain from the first time, but Caitlin was right – this time I felt nothing.

"I'm right here," she said, calmingly, "I'm right here with you, Andy."

_Goodbye, Jensen_.

And then, everything disappeared.

* * *

_"Blood to blood,_

_From family ties,_

_My soul releases_

_the power within._

_Turn back the time_

_to the moment of death_

_and create the new path."_


End file.
